Ok, so there is this girl who I ride to work with a few days a week, because we both work at the same place as the person who owns the vehicle (we contribute money for gas). We are both sophomores here at my college, though she is only 18 (it has something to do with her first being registered for school when she moved over here from Russia).
Well, I’m rather thrilled that I’m not shy around this girl. Especially considering that she’s pretty cute. I’m able to talk to her pretty easily, although we don’t exactly have hour long conversations every morning (someone usually brings a CD for us all to listen to).
Now, she made mention to her ex-boyfriend one day. He’s 24, worked as a bartender, has tattooes, etc. But the thing is, she keeps mentioning him on some occasions. “My ex-boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend…”
Maybe I’m reading too much into it but…is it possible that she is sending me a signal? She mentions her ex-boyfriend, yet has never said anything about having a current boyfriend. Is it possible that she makes reference to her ex as a way of saying “I used to have a boyfriend, but I don’t know, if that means anything to you.”?
If she keeps mentioning him, I think it’s a sign she’s not quite over him yet. :dubious:
I’d steer a bit away from this one, mate, but hey–the only way you can find out if she’s interested is to ask her out, get to know her better. If you want to, go for it.
But…to be honest, there doesn’t seem to be very much chemistry. I’m afraid that even if I got up the guts to ask her out, and even if she said yes, we’d just have nothing to talk about.
It would be different if she and I could just talk non-stop during our rides to and from work. But it’s not like that.
I don’t know. I’m completely new at all of this. But my only female friend has advised me that love won’t just fall in my lap (though it seemed to happen that way for her and my other best friend. ) and that I need to “date around.” I can only assume that means asking out any girl who I don’t feel completely uncomfortable around and who I find myself attracted to.
I believe she is working through her past relationship.
If you do ask her out, you may end up being the rebound guy.
However, sometimes that can be fun… Short, wild and fun.
But if things go bad, might your riding privileges suffer?
Signals more likely include talking to you, asking about you and generally
being interested in you rather than him.
But hey, you might never get a chance at a hot Russian babe again!
My guess? Mentions of exes are usually not signals that they’re interested in you. Like others have states, they’re more often signs that they’re not over past relationships. If a girl wants to send flirtatious signals your way, it sure as hell ain’t gonna be by mentioning a past love. Tread carefully.
Try asking her to go out with you as a friend. Just something casual. Have no romantic expectations and don’t be disappointed if she says no. You say that you don’t have much experience with women. The best thing you can do is start going out with some, even as friends. The worst thing that can happen, she says no. The second worst thing that can happen, you spend some time with another decent human and maybe become friends. There is even a possibility that the spark that isn’t there now may appear later.
Of course, she is from Russia and speaks english as a second language, so don’t read too much into her literal words. Jeez, ask her to coffee or something else pretty casual already and see if you get any sparks.
Well, unless you’re 24, work as a bartender and have tatooes, I think the message she’s sending is “I like bad boys, and you’re not one, so don’t even think about asking me out.”
I think you’ve got your answer right there. Whether or not she’s sending you signals, why would you ask someone out if you aren’t really that interested?
Also, she sounds very intelligent, but I’d agree with the others here who have said she’s still hung up on her ex.
MMDV:) She’s mentioning him as her ex, meaning stuff didn’t work out with them. It could mean she’s telling him what she looks for; it could also be her saying “I didn’t like the bartender in the end, but I do like other guys.”
I’ve specifically and deliberately mentioned exes before to indicate that I was single. I’ve also done it when I wanted to indicate that I wasn’t ready for a relationship. Only way to find out is to find out, so to speak.
Well, I’m speaking from a girl point of view. If I was getting an “I like you” vibe from a guy I wasn’t intersted in, I might start describing the type of guy I was into as being totally opposite of the first guy.
Well, actually now I’m old and I would just say “I’m not into you” but when I was 18 I might have done that.
Actually she came here when she was pretty young (3 if I remember correctly), and I actually asked her one day out of curiosity (not knowing anyone else who grew up being fluent in two languages) what language she thinks in. She said English.
Her talking about her ex doesn’t necessarily mean that she isn’t over him yet.
I mention my ex from time to time and I really don’t think about her that much. But honestly this is only if there is a reason for it in the conversation, but since we went through a lot together, I can normally tie our experiences into any conversation. But honestly, I don’t really talk about her that much. For instance, I was talking with my friend the other day about taking a road trip sometime (we were in the car together) and I mentioned that I had driven to California once with my ex-girlfriend. That kind of mention, I think, is okay, and could actually be used to send you a signal. At least she isn’t sending NEGATIVE signals. But if she keeps talking about how he is, or things that he did, I would say that she isn’t over him. Do you know how they broke up? If she talks about him in a negative way, its okay, but if she mentions positive things about him, I would say she isn’t over him yet.
But defenitely ask her out man. I am not good at dating myself either, and all of my sucesses with women have been from non-date situations. But you just have to get over the problem with trying to kiss her. After you manage that, you have it made. I’ll give you some advice. Once I was with a girl lying in the sun in a park. The sun makes you feel really good, and you sort of have to squint your eyes and it gives you this dreamy feeling. It is perfect for initiating contact.
But the important part is to be positive. A lot of guys think that being themselves or being negative is showing their personality and it is what they should do. But you have to make a girl feel good. You have to make her feel like she is having a good time around you. Everyone can do it, you just have to find a way to do it with your strengths.
But don’t ask her out to dinner. If you must ask her out on a date, try to do something fun. The best reccomendation is to try to go out with her friends and bring some friends of yours too. But make sure they aren’t bummers either.
) and that I need to “date around.” I can only assume that means asking out any girl who I don’t feel completely uncomfortable around and who I find myself attracted to.