I’m sorry, is the rule no more sexy talk in IMHO (reserved for serious opinions only!)? Because I’ll be glad no longer to have to read about the intimate details of every straight male posters’ sexual conquests and aspirations.
Didn’t say it was okay. Now then, do you seriously call the managers every time you hear a stupid or bigoted statement from a store clerk? Let me guess: You’re white, no one has ever thought you were anything but straight, and you have no idea what bigotry being part of your everyday life is like. Nobody has time to fight a gay/race/Jew war every 39 seconds.
As opposed to…? Starting a whole Jew-awareness-celebration in the middle of the store? Yes, I would say “Actually, I’m a Jew” and see what the asswipe has to say. I often hear smack-talk about immigrants from people and think, “These MFers don’t seem to realize I am first generation American.” I will point out, “Oh, by the way, my mother was so born in Costa Rica, and we are such immigrants,” and let them squirm accordingly. If they want to continue down that road, even better.
Are you people seriously such Freedom Fighters that every time you encounter an offensive statement, you immediately Stand Up For Justice, and rest not until Victory and Equality is yours? Stop shitting me.
I’d probably want to do that in retrospect, but I think if it happened I’d just be a little stunned. I’m not white but I guess I’ve lived a pretty sheltered life in that I’ve never had someone be rude to be on the basis of race. Or gender/sexuality. I’m not sure what I’d do if it happened, but it’s pretty outside the realm of my experience. I don’t see why it’s such a bad thing to want to stop people from saying these things, though.
I suppose when you run into that kind of thing often, you become somewhat deadened towards it. I’ve had complete strangers on the street call me Suzy Wong and ask me for eggrolls. After a while you don’t even bother anymore. Even if it happened in a store, I’d probably let it pass unless it was extremely offensive, like using the word chink.
I’m too tired, honestly, to read every response, so I apologize if I’m repeating others.
Even as a joke, I don’t think “Haha, you’re so gay!” is ever okay, and I’ll be damned if it’s ever even NEAR okay in a situation like yours. I understand completely that you’re self-conscious and don’t want to make hot fuss…but…RAWR. These attitudes need to be met head on, whether or not it was just a “oh ha ha, how GAY!” sentiment.
My point is, it’s not acceptable, and the more those of us stand back and shrug and expect someone else to do the dirty work, the more it happens. The more we make a bit of a stand, the more we make a difference. I would have asked the salesperson, directly, or to speak to a manager. Sorry, but this crap does not fly in my book, innocent statement or not.
I think your response was appropriate.
It also would have been okay to just tell the associate that his comment wasn’t appropriate. I tend to lapse into sarcasm when startled, so it’d probably be something like, “Wow…holy inappropriate comment, Batman!”
Gotta know? What **size **did you buy??
Please explain why it was going to make a person look like they were gay.
I think I would have told the employee to his face that it was a bizarrely inappropriate thing for anyone to say to a customer. It’s measurably stupid, regardless of what it actually means to any customer.
I don’t have any comparable experiences to relate this to so I find it difficult to judge whether I’d be offended or affronted enough to escalate it to a manager, but I don’t think I’d have rewarded the employee with a sale, unless maybe I got an apology that seemed sincere.
Hazel, not being snarky but I’ll probably have to deal with chink and my kids. Is it extremely offensive because of the inherent connotation “chink” or because the fucktard saying the word can’t distinguish that “chink” is not the correct derogatory term to use for your ethnic background? Either way it is deeply offensive but is it worse because the bigot can’t even get the term right?
It was a small black trench coat…Im 5’7 125lbs…it was totally appropriate. It did look a little on the “fabulous” side as it was a Banana Republic “car coat” lol…but it’s Banana Republic.
Because it fit-the associate probably thought that it should have been a bit more sloppy. Honestly I’ve had it happen before too. I live in a fairly blue collar city. If your clothes are not waving around like a pile of slop be prepared to get yelled at by a few drunk bigots in the bar areas heh.
It wasn’t going to make “a person” look like “they” were gay, it was going to make a man look like he was gay. You do realize our culture holds men and women to different standards, right? And form-fitting clothes on a man sometimes elicit that reaction.
I’d imagine the coat was just tight enough to emphasize the tush. Shame, we girls like that too you know!
To the OP, I think you responded perfectly. We just can’t guess the level to which hatred will rise when confronted. The vast majority of people making comments like this are just repeating what they think is a societal code - they are trying to elicit a laugh. But to try and take down a guy like that on the fly is unwise.
As a former business owner, (and a current manager) if one of my employees were to offend a customer in this manner I would definitely wish to know about it. I would never want that sort of attitude to be connected in any way to my business. But you can’t fix what you don’t know about.
And I agree that it’s never right to leave it unaddressed. I shudder to think of some of the attitudes I was raised with, and treasure the friends and collegues who confronted me with a better way of thinking. I “found” myself to be a better person than I was raised to be, and am much prouder of the person I am today.
Finally, some enforcement of outdated sex rôles!
Here in America, non-faggy dudes don’t wear clothes that fit. They wear sports jerseys qua garbage bags and carry around little plastic kegs filled with 4000-calorie HFCS refreshment. Go back to homo France if you want to wear a size small!
That’s Seriousness for you!
Yes, I do, and I’m not white, male, Christian or straight. Here’s why: when someone is a bigot in their private life, you deal with them as you choose on a one on one level. If you want to let bigotry go unchecked, that’s your lookout.
But this guy was acting as a representative of the store and his homophobic remark was, beyond completely disgusting on a personal level, completely unprofessional. His manager needed to be made aware that s/he has an employee who is incapable of keeping their bigotry in check while on the job, and is in fact letting it loose in ways that can and will have a negative impact on the performance of that store.
Personally, I would not have bought the coat and I would never return to that store again so long as that guy was employed there. And that’s something I think a manager should know, that they have an employee whose inappropriate behavior on the job has cost them a sale and has driven away a customer permanently.
A smart manager will keep in mind that a disgruntled customer is more likely to share their experiences with friends and family than a happy customer. Word of mouth spreading that you have a bigot in your employ is not good for business.
And having a simple word with a manager isn’t the equivalent of throwing a gay rights protest in the middle of the mall. It’s one person, hopefully quite calmly and rationally, speaking to another person to impart important information. Let’s don’t overstate what it is.
Kimmy_Gibbler you’ve been told once in this thread already to watch your mouth. I’m telling you again.
It’s an odd response from a retail employee in a store that is probably neck and neck with Pier One re major retail stores having the largest percentage of gay male clients.
I’m not sure what you mean. You mean it should be chinky instead of chink? I’m pretty sure chinky is the adjective form. Also some people in the UK call Chinese restaurants chinkys. (Chinkies?)
I don’t think the details really matter. At least someone asking me for an eggroll offers me some amusement, however sour it may be. (My amusement, not the eggroll.)
OHHH you mean chink is supposed to be for Chinese people? Eh, I think it’s been expanded to include all East Asians for a while now. At least, if someone called me a chink my first reaction wouldn’t be “I’m not even Chinese.”
Anyway, sorry to hijack the thread. Carry on.
I thought China guy’s kids WERE Chinese, though…
got an update even though I told management at BR that is was not necessary-they let this person go.