Work conundrum

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

I currently work at a private bank dealing with wealthy clients and this branch is closing due to the lease not being renewed. The person who holds the lease, Mr. X, is a regular client and comes in a couple times a week to conduct business with the teller line, where I am, and with our two customer service reps. This is a small branch, only 5 people regularly working downstairs and we’re very easygoing with the clients, it’s all about service and we tend to be on personal terms with most of them.

I recently broke up with my long-term boyfriend and since we’re so small, word has gotten around. Today the two customer service reps (one of which is my immediate supervisor) came up to tell me a couple clients asked about me, and the conversation moved to jokes about finding a wealthy client to date now. Not the best taste, I know, but it’s a recurring joke for the single ones. One CSR walks away and it’s just my boss and I…he tells me that Mr. X always asks about me, and kinda laughing, tells me he always says “**Lionne **sure has nice tits”!

Immediately, I tell him, “That’s not right, what do you say to that?” Boss tells me he just laughs it off, and I reply, “I can’t believe you don’t tell him that’s completely inappropriate and you won’t tolerate it.” Boss kinda shrugs and he’s uncomfortable with my reaction, but…wtf? I don’t care how much money he has or whether or not he owns the lease…that’s just wrong! I’m stunned that neither of them have ever said anything to Mr. X. There’s another story invovling the other CSR that I won’t get into but it was basically the same situation. Sexual harassment and it was waved away as, dunno…staying in good client terms or some shit. When I heard that story I was horrified, but I was the only one who seemed to care.
Apparently that’s the mentality around here.

Since the branch is closing, we’re not really sure of our future…we’re told that other branches in the area have the capacity to take us, but we don’t know whether we’ll all be offered jobs or laid off.
So, with my future up in the air and the mess of the lease owner being involved, should I take this to HR? My boss’s boss, who isn’t that sympathetic? Do nothing?

Who *says *that shit?

#2

Who says that shit? Asshole clients, that’s who. Unless he says it to you directly, and unless he makes it clear he will pull business if you don’t cooperate with verbal harassment, it’s not really harassment. He hasn’t harassed you, he made inappropriate comments to your boss.

What your boss was supposed to do about it was one of two things, shrug it off and not carry it further, which it sounds like he did, or risk a client relationship by correcting the douche. As far as banking relationships go, this guy sounds like an account holder, not just the landlord. How big are his accounts? He’s in commercial real estate - that usually equates very big bucks, and who are his friends? Unfortunately, sometimes a personal banker has to just nod and go with it. If he didn’t participate in continuing the conversation, he did what was the most appropriate in dealing with a jerk client.

I would not escalate this. The inappropriateness was generated by the client, and is not a workplace (between employees) harassment issue.

#3

It may not be worth escalating in this case, but because the OP’s boss passed on the comment it is potentially a workplace harassment issue. What a client/customer says or does can be workplace harassment if done directly to the employee, or if it’s likely to be passed on to the employee.

#4

HR does not exist to help you, they exist to protect the company from lawsuits. If you bring this up, I guarantee they will find a reason not to make space for you at another area bank. They’ll just let your job stay gone. Could you bring it up? Sure. Will anything change for the better? Absolutely not. The customer won’t be made aware of the situation, or if he is he’ll undoubtedly judge you as a typical hyper-reactionary uterus (I agree, misogyny sucks).

Really the only good that could have come of the situation that customer put your boss in would be for your boss to never have told you about it. If you’d prefer that, then tell your boss to please not notify you the next time someone says something like this about you behind your back. That’s about as far as I’d recommend taking it. Don’t mention sexual harassment unless you’re prepared to look for another job when your branch closes.

Yes, this is unfair and lame and misogynistic. This is just life for women.

#5

Would you rather he said you had ugly monkey-sack grandma tits?:confused:

#6

Congratulations on your awesome tits.

#7

Yes it is harrassment, yes it is actionable, yes your ass will get fired if you make a stink about it.

Only bring this up if you feel like taking your (former) employer to court, where the court case will drag out for a few years and then they will settle with you out of court because they won’t be able to prove that they DIDN’T fire you for retaliatory reasons.

(And if they offer to settle, TAKE IT because the court won’t give you a better deal, and you might not win the case.)

Is this right and good? Hell no, but that’s reality for you.

#8

I think we need a cite before offering congratulations. But, if they are real and spectacular, we can do a “Lionne’s Tits Appreciation Thread”.

For the OP–get over it already. He’s not your boss, he’s not threatening to stop doing business unless you blow him, he’s not harassing you at all. He probably does think you have a great rack, and may want to fuck you. If you’re not interested, let it go.

#9

You sound like a lot of fun.

Here’s the thing: it’s not appropriate, but your reaction is way too aggressive for a harmless comment heard second-hand.

Chill. And be happy you have nice tits.

#10

This is a fundamental truth that many people fail to understand.

#11

You are exactly correct in your analysis.

#12

The quality of my chest aside, it was a shitty thing to say and a even shittier that Boss did nothing about it. I doubt any banking relationship would be in jeopardy if he’d simply said, “Hey that’s inappropriate, please don’t say stuff like that about my employees” and then started talking about the weather or whatever. I don’t care if I’m seen as “not fun” - apparently fun means letting sexist comments slide and being happy I have nice tits? No thanks. And Oakminster? Your advice sucks. “Get over it” :rolleyes:

I know it’s hearsay and that HR is not on my side. I’ve had dealings with them in the past and have no doubt they’re working in the best interests of the bank. It’s just…frustrating that this happens.

I had a talk with my boss, told him how I felt, that I wasn’t looking to take this to HR because of the closing situation, but that I wasn’t waiting on Mr X anymore. I really let him have it over his treatment of the situation, let him know I was hurt and angered by his blow-off. He said he’ll talk with Mr X and his boss.
I don’t have the desire to fight this and especially not with the branch closing.

#13

If the customer had said this directly to you, you’d have a valid complaint. That’s not what happened. He said it to a third person, probably hoping to find out if you’re single/available. You massively overreacted, blew things completely out of proportion. And you may have talked/complained yourself out of a job offer at another branch in the process.

#14

Why is it inappropriate for the client to make that comment to the boss?

People make comments about the male and female human form constantly, and just because those 2 people happen to be acquainted through a business relationship doesn’t really make it inappropriate.

The boss telling you is inappropriate, but the client telling the boss isn’t.

#15

That comment was not sexist. Sexist implies viewing one sex as inferior, that comment was merely about his perception of the beauty of your tits.

Here is a question for you: have you ever said to anyone “that man is attractive”? or anything like it?

#16

I went out for drinks and to shoot some pool with some co-workers. We were out for several hours and many drinks were ingested. Prior to this event, many events had taken place previously and the verbally agreed upon platform was “what happens outside of work, stays outside of work.”

One of my co-workers, noticeably sloshed, points his pool cue at my chest and says, “Shit you’ve got a great rack.” I said, “Why, thank you. You may not have it.”

Did I go whinnying back to our (his) superior at work the following Monday and screech about this guy being sexist and harassing me? Hell no. It was a compliment. Perhaps not worded in some politically-correct, bleached out, whatever way, but give me a break. Some of this “harassment” shit has gone over the deep end. Sexual harassment is a threat. As in, someone has workplace-politics power over you keeping your job, losing your job, or being promoted, and they force you to comply with the sexually inappropriate acts or verbalizations in order for you to keep your job or get that promotion. Has that happened? No.

Of course there’s a level of decorum that should be kept, especially in a banking environment, perhaps what the “boss” said was inappropriate, but that’s all it was. It was not harassment. He was simply passing on a message, one of which you would still be blindly and happily oblivious to if he hadn’t said anything. Believe me, he regrets it now.

#17

It may not be harassment, but I’d feel skeeved too were I the OP. Someone commenting on my breasts in a work environment just feels wrong and really gross.

#18

Given that the OP is sharing a difficult and uncomfortable situation at work, the boob-related humor is uncalled for. I’m not going to sanction anyone now, but please lay off.

#19

Does anyone else appreciate how meta this thread is getting?

#20

Without knowing the context, I’m going to vote for this. Men talk about womanflesh. Women talk about manflesh. But they shouldn’t be relating the outcomes of those conversations back to the people they were talking about.