OK, I don’t really expect anyone to care about this, but what the hell, I feel like typing (just try and stop me!)
This is going to be a summary of all the uncool sh*t that has happened over the past few weeks:
(deep breath)
1- One of my best friends is in the hospital. A week or so ago he went blind, and after MRIs and CAT scans and a spinal tap and a kidney biopsy, they have determined that for some reason his kidneys are failing. He’s 19 years old. He tells me he doesn’t want to bother with dialysis (sp?), that he’d rather just run off and die naturally. Good times, good times…
2- School is kicking my ass, even though it should be simple, it seems like all of my professors have decided to pile it on nice and deep. I guess that’s what life is all about…
3- I found out that I’m the biggest asshole in the world, according to my ex-gf. I broke up with her because I don’t feel like I can deal with a (long distance) relationship right now, and I don’t feel that I love her like I should. Now I’m the devil…
4- I work two jobs, one in a damn convenience store as a stocker, which kills my back and reminds me just how bad my knee can hurt. I also work in a paintball/skate shop, where I get loaded down with way too much work. I know, “get used to it”…c’est la vie!
5- My car is in the process of destroying itself. Actually, now that I think about it, BOTH of my cars are in the process of falling apart. I guess thats what cars do…I can’t afford gas for either one of them.
6- My 21st birthday came and went without a hitch. One of the worst birthdays of my life. I find out one of my good friends might be pregnant, against her wishes…yeehaw…
7- I think I’m getting sick.
8- I can barely think straight, everything kind of piles up and constricts my brain. I’m normally very good at dealing with stress, but for the past two weeks, I’ve been drinking every night and smoking waaaay too much. I’m feeling the effects. So it goes…
Sorry if you actually took the time to read that, it just felt good to lay it all down (even though I know I left a bunch of stuff out).
“Life is like playing a violin in public, and learning the instrument as one goes” ~ forgot who said that…
Sometimes life just hands you a whole bunch of crappy stuff all at once. I know, it’s happened to me many times. Those things would probably not be so bad one at a time, but to get them all together, oy. The bright side is, it won’t last forever. Believe me, it always turns around. It’s just waiting for that turnaround that sucks.
So chin up, little buckaroo! it’ll be OK, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. Hang in there.
Hang tough. You’ve had worse times before and will certainly have worse times in the future, so just know that this one is going to end…(hope that helps)
** Feel free to ignore any and all of this. But I wanted to respond from my heart.**
**This is a terrible, sad thing. But, you are a talented writer with a powerful voice. Write about those good times and what you love about your friend. Give it to him. This will be good for both of you. **
No, it isn’t. If you are in college, there ought to be student support services you can use to ask for help with this. They may be able to help you find a way to schedule your time, locate some academic help, change your course load, or just listen while you unload some of your burden. In any case, get some assistance. School is about learning and developing the potential of life. It is not about making you feel like shit.
Difficulty is unavoidable in life. Pain and strife are inevitable. But, you are NOT the biggest asshole in the world, because your name is not bin Laden. You must give yourself a chance to see that all you are now expereincing will pass. You must make some choices as to what you are willing and able to shoulder right now. If you do not, then what you say in #7 and #8…
**will only get worse. I encourage you to get some help. If you are a member of a church/temple/mosque, go there. At least go and see your school’s student health program. You have already done the hardest part, in that you have recognized that your drinking and smoking are out of control. Build on that and give yourself the chance to recover. Life is a good thing. It is good to live and breathe and cry and laugh.
Ah, thank you all very much for your support,hugs, and advice. I found out this morning that my friend is out of the hospital. Not out of the woods yet, but out of the hospital. He’s still going to need a kidney, and there is a tough path ahead of him, but I think things can only get better.
I also spoke to my ex last night, after I went to bed, and she has determined that I made a correct decision, and that it is best that we remain apart, and continue our relationship as friends.
Thats a few tons of weight off my chest right there, and since I found out I have a GPA of 3.4 right now, I’m going to forget about school…Amazing how things can turnaround in 12 hours, huh? Just thought I’d share, and let those who responded know that I appreciate your kindness
On point 3 - when people are hurt, they tend to lash out with words to wound, much like an animal in pain will lash out with its claws. Realize that when you are going to do something painful the other person will try to hurt you back. If you can realize this, then it will be easier to realize that there is no real truth in what the other person is saying, and it will be easier to not internalize their words.
I attended a class on communication skills which included training on a technique called reflective listening. We tend to absorb everything which is thrown at us, good or bad. To remind myself not to internalize the bad stuff, I came up with the phrase “Absorb joy, reflect anger”
