About a week ago I took up riding the bus to work rather than driving because I found out it’s pretty easy and, of course, a lot cheaper than running a V12 through Cambridge. However, I do have to switch buses at one point on the way home.
In between routes today, I sat my butt on a bench at the bus stop and spread my umbrella, purse, and book out next to me to wait. Then I noticed a man approaching me from across the street. He was very tall, dark-skinned (either Hispanic or African-American maybe, I couldn’t really tell), and looked like he’d been working his tail off somewhere really hot. He was carrying a water jug like my dad takes to the fields when he farms…or maybe like a construction worker or electrician or something.
So, I gathered my umbrella and my purse to me and straightened up to make room because I assumed he was headed for my bench to take a seat. However, instead of sitting, he hissed at me as he walked by: “I wasn’t going to steal your purse.”
Oh my god! He thought I was picking up my purse because I figured he…being clearly non-caucasion after all and not having a job sitting at a desk in a suit and tie…was going to steal it. I thought about what it must be like for this man to try to get a CAB home after work if he needs one. How much hassle he’s had in his life in order to be taught to assume people think he’s a thief.
I know pity isn’t really a kind emotion, but I felt bad for him. And I told him I was only moving so he’d have a place to sit. But I doubt if he believed me.
[sub]Hmmm… guess I suggested Sexy Writer had vanished too soon…[/sub]
I know the feeling you must have had. The “Hey! Wait! That’s not what I meant,” feeling that you need to run after them and explain that you’re not what they assumed. It speaks well of you that your first thought was how tough it must be for him. Mine would have been pure embarrassment.
Well, yes. I moved on 30 seconds after the event. I didn’t suggest that I was selling my home and moving to the tundra or anything. Just mundane,pointless stuff I must say, remember?
Sure, it’s his own FAULT that he interpreted them as such, but I’m sure he had reasons for coming to that conclusion. I felt a little bad for giving him the impression I did, even if it was inadvertently.
Person has a long tiring day. Person’s body is aching, just wants to lie down for awhile, but can’t–needs to get other things done first, even if it’s just getting back home. Cranky and twitchy.
Person sees something that gives them an excuse to snap at a fellow human being. Therefore, person snaps at them, spreading a little more hurt through the world. Somewhere, a devil gets its horns.
And I’ve heard it said that people don’t have instincts.
That’s basically what I did. Gave him a rather wounded, offended sounding, “I thought you were going to sit down!” kind of whine and went back to my business.
But since posting this here, I was thinking about it a bit. The thing that I found “interesting” about this is the set of assumptions we all walk around with. Know what I mean?
I walk around in the world, knowing that people are going to approach me a certain way, with certain attitudes and preconceived notions about who I am. That set of attitudes and assumptions is pretty comfortable. It never has to cross my mind that people are reacting to me based on my skin color. I have the privilege of knowing when I’m being offered a seat. It doesn’t occur to me that someone might think I’m a thief.
For whatever reason he gained them, I wouldn’t want to walk around with that guy’s set of assumptions. Sure, it was rude of him, I suppose. But I also found that it pointed out my own privilege to me.
Oh…and on an additional note: The guy was handsome. I mean, the funny thing is that I was moving over not just to be polite, but because…well…you know.
-L
P.S. I would have moved over for a little old lady too, so don’t think I’m bad.
Hey, in this day and age, no-one would blame you for picking up your stuff if anyone unknown, whatever colour they were, came up to sit next to you (or looked as if he/she was).
