They’re not on the internet, but there are always Buck Alice and the Actor-Robot, by Star Trek’s very own Chekov, Walter Koenig (link goes to an essay about why this is the worst science fiction novel ever), and The Legend of Rah and the Muggles, by Nancy Stouffer, who sued J. K. Rowling for “plagiarizing” her with the Harry Potter books.
I own copies of both these books, which I bought because of their badness, and yes, they are both as bad as they’re portayed.
So… Harold Lauder writes fiction. I wondered where he went!
::crazy laughter smiley::
Ye gods, until today I thought I was the only person cursed with seeing spam for the eye-bleeding horror that is Attack of the Rockroids. My particular problem is that I like to read Macintosh-oriented news articles; many of these are written by Gene Steinberg, who pimps Rockroids in every by-line he writes.
At first I thought he was just being overly supportive of his son, but now I have to wonder…
That made me think of Final Fantasy X-2. Heh.
I can’t think of anything that could be worse than Aragon. Even the entries mentioned here seem to be in the so-bad-its-good variety. Aragon is just plain bad.
Basically, it’s a fantasy story written by the very young son of a publisher, and it shows. Plus, the story involves a dragon, and I have a sneaking suspicion that the author came up with the name of the eponymous main character by saying “hmmmm, Aragon? nawww… B-ragon? C-ragon? Dragon? Ah-HAH! Eragon!”
The story is cliched on so many levels that it’s not funny. But to make up for it, the author doesn’t use highfalutin prose like your normal high fantasy author. Instead, he casually drops medieval military lingo without explanation into otherwise 8th-grade reading level stuff. For example, and he didnt really write this, “He casually put on his dirk and picked up his hand-and-a-half sword. He knew the town had a smithy, but a moneylender might be out of reach for a town of this small a populace.”
I realize that there are worse examples of fiction but I have not read them.My God, how can anyone have written this and thought it sounded like anything but teenage masturbation fantasy(as Lynn mentioned)?
“What’s wrong?” asked Consuelo softly.
I told her–all of it. And ended with, “I don’t want to go
back–but what else is there?”
She smiled. “Maybe they’ll change their tune when they see
you. Stand up for yourself.”
“I plan to , honey.” I told her.
No!!!
Let thine eyes be plucked out if they should be shown such horrors too many times in ones life!
Did I mention that self-insertions, or indeed, 99.99% of original characters, written into already existing fictional universes are the work of Satan?
No? OK, I will.
I just did. Oh… All right.
It’s still true.
Yes, I have noticed this too! I have at least one book by Gene Steinberg and he found a way to bring up the Rockoids in the book(s). I remember at the time I thought it was a little self-serving, but the books were otherwise okay.
Never mind a boiler explosion at a single power plant leading to weeks without power, and ravening, homicidal mobs of looters – who would name a girl Consuelo?
On Bad Fiction Planet, all hispanic women are named “Consuelo.”
Well, loads of Spanish-speaking people, I guess. Consuelo is a girl’s name. I think it may be considered a little old-fashioned, though.
Aw, that’s not true. I’ve seen plenty of Bad Fiction with Hispanic women named Maria and Rosa.
Back in the day before there was a World Wide Web, I was on Usenet and participated in some discussions about the possibility that people would someday self-publish via Usenet. There were a lot of people who said this would be a terrible thing, that all the manuscripts that sat mouldering in the slushpiles of big publishing houses would be unleashed on cyberspace, to be unwittingly read by an unsuspecting public, much to their discomfiture.
Hey, I think the day has arrived.
I still maintain my original position, which is that anything that gets people wider chance to express themselves creatively is a good thing, and that if there’s only one person in the world who goes to work at a crappy job to survive, but is a little more able to keep it together because they think, “When I get home, at leastl there’ll be another chapter of “Rockoids: Beyond Rude” awaiting me,” well, that’s a good thing, too.
And I’m not just saying that because I’m a self-published Web author. 
Maria and Rosa are the maids; Conseulo is the exotic love interest. 
That’s why I mentioned Oscarfics :shudders: earlier; they are the epitome of bad, SI fanfiction, not to mention how Oscar must be a very disturbed individual. First of all, he(Oscar) inserts himself into the Sailor Moon of all things. Now, your normal Sailor Moon SI has the insert typically has the Insert sleeping with one or more of the Senshi - normal, fanboyish fantasies run amuck, with the occasional fangirl/gay fanboy inserting themselves to sleep with Tuxedo Mask or one of the evil generals.
But Oscar, he takes these fantasies to a whole new, twisted level. His character boffs the cat. Yes, the cat. A talking cat, but still, a cat. :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
I’ve read a lot of bad fiction on the Internet. Mostly because to keep awake after two days of no sleep I would read pornographic fetish fiction to stay awake, as laughing hard enough to squirt Coke out my nose would keep me alert. There is some truly bad wank stories out there. I mean honestly how does one manage to fuck up a wank story?
Still after reading megs upon megs of incoherent porno, retarded fan fiction and semi-autobiographical short stories with no point I was unprepared for the dreck of Eragon. As Ludovic mentioned this book was written by the son of a publisher, and until I learned of the family in I couldn’t figure out how the book had been published. There is nothing of value in that book. Not a single idea in there that has any merit. Usually I stop reading books that bad, but I was working at Border’s at the time and had borrowed it through the employee book lending program. I was assured by my coworkers that it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It would get better they promised. I figured that they weren’t lying to me like they might lie to a customer. I was wrong. The problem was that cognitive dissonance had gotten to them. Border’s doesn’t pay nearly enough to justify the hideous lies one has to tell to sell people Eragon. Therefor the poor fools ended up liking the book instead of admitting they were convincing people to throw away hard earned money on total crap. The only thing that differentiated Eragon from generic Internet fantasy dreck was that an editor made sure that Eragon had proper spelling and grammar.
Left-handed typing?
Interesting thoughts. There is perhaps someone somewhere who has a life which is so empty that bad fiction on the web gets them through the day. If it comes down to going home and putting a shotgun in your mouth or reading web fiction, I guess I’ll have to give the web fiction at least some consideration. On the other hand, the shotgun might not be a bad alternative.
Oh, sure, that’s easy for you to say!
And now I’m wondering how many folks complaining about bad fiction in this thread have actually written stuff of their own. Are there any critical Dopers who’ve been unintentionally inflicting Rockroids-style horrors to the rest of humanity? :eek:
So in the interest of fairness, I’ll confess that I have written some fanfic in the past, most of which can be found here. Seems only fair for me to give folks an opportunity to throw some brickabats my way…