Bad Names for Perfume

I remember getting an Eaton’s catalogue years back and being tremendously amused at one of the perfumes advertised. It seemed to me they just could have done a lot better than “Eau de Toillette Boule”. For $40, one could also get the Cologne Boule which also came in a round glass container but wasn’t nearly as funny.

So what are other unfortunate (theoretical) names for perfume/cologne/smelly liquid? Off the top of my head…

For Guys…

Old Sock
Meat Locker
For Women:
Time of the Month
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Channelle
Cher’s “Give Your Man A Bono”
Essence of Monica

Your suggestions, please.

1st Lady

“I’m wearing a new parfum called ‘Come to me’”

2nd Lady ::::sniffs:::

“S’funny, doesn’t smell like come to me”

Eau de Merde, anyone?

For women:
Boys Are Icky

For men:
Le Bubba
Slob No. 5

[long shot–forest]
"Texas. The Big Thicket–where men are men…
[sound of chainsaw]
[good ol’ boy felling tree]
“…the fresh clean scent of pine…”
[sound of screaming]
[closeup of severed leg w/ spurting blood]
“…the fire-in-the-belly smell of blood…”
[good ol’ boy with beautiful blonde helping him strap on prosthesis, caressing it sensually]
“Nothing attracts a woman like…Texas Chainsaw Massacre–For Men.”


[woman squirts on perfume]
[walks into restaurant and sits down at table]
[all the men in the restaurant get up from where they’re sitting and crowd around her]
[she selects one]
[the others go back to their tables, disappointed]
[the chosen one sits down at her table]
[at his command, the waiter brings her an enormous platter of steaks]
[she begins to devour the steaks]
[he caresses her thigh under the table]
[she ignores him]
“Sex for Meat…a fragrance that has stood the test of time.”

Bill Clinton-The Fragrance for Men
(smells like cigars)
“Now you too, can have, ‘not sex’.”

Time of the Month
Ode de Lesbian

Banana Pine
Liquid Nitrogen Swirl
Princess Rutabaga

Scent of Skunk
Burnt Steak
Crusty Underwear
Musky Armpit
Rotting Corpse

I could keep going, but they just keep getting worse from there.

High School Locker Room, for the nostalgic
Kitty Litter, for the female PETA folks
Wet Dog, for the guys

Wet Dog
Locker Room
Jersey Turnpike
Rendering Plant
Black Death

For Men:

BRAP! ("…hey babe, pull my finger…)

For Women:

Qweef or Qwerf (…oops! <giggle>…)

Enjoy the fragrance of Hot Damp Wool

Sulfur - for the rude boy in all of us

Burnt Rubber - real men drive noisy sports cars

Like a walk in the park in spring - Eau De Dogshit

Middenheap - experience the essence of the middle ages

Armpit - the real body smell

I think “Snatchouli” says it all.

Bless You!

“STANK” a fragrance for women.

L’eau du placenta

and of course… Ralph