Bad News first?
Okay.
We’ve been invaded by Martians.
The Good News:
They piss gasoline.
Old German joke. 
Q
A man answers his door late at night, one day after losing his wife in a scuba diving accident. He is greeted by two policeman, who tell him that they have some information about his late wife."
“Yes? What is it?”, says the man.
One policeman says, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.”
The widower asks for the bad news first.
The other policeman says, “We’ve found your wife’s body this morning in the bay.”
“I see”, he says, becoming overcome by emotion.
“The good news”, says the policeman, “is that when we pulled her up, she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her.”
“And the really great news”, says the other policemen, smiling and licking his chops, “is that we’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning.”
A man looks up as his lawyer walks into the room. “Mr. Santoff?”
“Well, I’ve got some bad news and some good news,” the lawyer says brightly.
“Bad news first,” the man says instantly.
“Well, the bad news is that they wanted to arrest you for flashing that lady on the sidewalk…”
“Oh, my God–”
“No, it’s okay!” the lawyer assures him. “The good news is that she doesn’t think it’s worth it to press charges!”