As a copy editor for a daily newspaper, I frequently edit our weekly food pages, generally a pleasant chore.
That was, until last week when I read the recipe for …
Savory international spam cheesecake
Because I cannot bring myself to repeat the full recipe - It’s bad enough that bomb-making instructions can be found on the Internet - I will reprint only a couple of sentences, which should give my fellow Dopers a, ahem, taste of the horror my paper unleased onto the general public.
Please bare in mind that the recipe calls for “shredded” Spam. (I cannot imagine how one shreds Spam.)
If you are weak of stomach, venture no further.
“Stir in Feta cheese, blue cheese, olives, flour, Italian seasoning and brandy or brandy extract. Gently fold in Spam. Pour into prepared crust and bake 50 to 60 minutes or until center is almost set.”
“Gently” fold in Spam? God forbid that you should bruise the Spam.
Al Sicherman, in his great cookbook Caramel Knowledge, produced an entire meal in which every course contained SPAM. The topper was the SPAM cookies he served for desert.
Upon further review, I see that Sicherman’s day job is writing a food column for the aforementioned Minneapolis Star Tribune. So he’s probably responsible for the margaritas as well. How that got left out of his book I can’t imagine.
I have an official SPAM calendar with old ads and recipies. “*No matter how you slice it, only SPAM tastes like *SPAM” Here’s some recipie titles:
“How to get your husband up” fried SPAM and eggs
SPAM ‘n’ Cheese Ribbon Loaf
SPAM ‘n’ Yam Fiesta Loaf, with peaches
SPAM ‘n’ Limas
Have I eaten any of these recipies? Hell no! The calendar is for cheesiness factor in my computer room only. Although I have to admit there’s a certain white trash appeal to cubed SPAM added to a box of mac and cheese.
There is only one way to eat SPAM, and that is sliced thin and fried crisp, best with eggs.
Other than that, nothing changes the molecular structure of SPAM to a point that makes it edible.
I love fried SPAM, but stopped eating it when I had just finished a whole can of fried slices and happened to read the label. Look at it someday. It was shocking to see just how BAD that stuff is for you. And this is from someone who happily and regularly eats a 2 lb. package of bacon at a sitting.