Bakers Dozen

Funny Quotes From Non-Comedians

  1. I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton
  2. “My father sent me this telegram: Don’t buy any more votes than you have to- I’m not paying for a damn landslide!” - John F. Kennedy
  3. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help. - Ronald Reagan
  4. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” - Hank Aaron
  5. “You know why music critics love Elvis Costello? Because most music critics LOOK like bleeping Elvis Costello!” - David Lee Roth
  6. “If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?” - Abraham Lincoln, when accused by a rival politician of being two-faced
  7. “Hitler couldn’t win on the road.” - NFL Coach Marv Levy, summing up World War II

Funny Quotes From Non-Comedians

  1. I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton
  2. “My father sent me this telegram: Don’t buy any more votes than you have to- I’m not paying for a damn landslide!” - John F. Kennedy
  3. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help. - Ronald Reagan
  4. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” - Hank Aaron
  5. “You know why music critics love Elvis Costello? Because most music critics LOOK like bleeping Elvis Costello!” - David Lee Roth
  6. “If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?” - Abraham Lincoln, when accused by a rival politician of being two-faced
  7. “Hitler couldn’t win on the road.” - NFL Coach Marv Levy, summing up World War II
  8. “We’re not that dumb, and we’re not that smart.” - Coca-Cola President Donald Keough, on whether or not New Coke was actually an elaborate conspiracy to boost sales of Coke Classic.

Funny Quotes From Non-Comedians

  1. I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton
  2. “My father sent me this telegram: Don’t buy any more votes than you have to- I’m not paying for a damn landslide!” - John F. Kennedy
  3. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help. - Ronald Reagan
  4. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” - Hank Aaron
  5. “You know why music critics love Elvis Costello? Because most music critics LOOK like bleeping Elvis Costello!” - David Lee Roth
  6. “If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?” - Abraham Lincoln, when accused by a rival politician of being two-faced
  7. “Hitler couldn’t win on the road.” - NFL Coach Marv Levy, summing up World War II
  8. “We’re not that dumb, and we’re not that smart.” - Coca-Cola President Donald Keough, on whether or not New Coke was actually an elaborate conspiracy to boost sales of Coke Classic.
  9. “Once, when I was pregnant, I rode a pregnant mare in a race- the four of us came in last.” - jockey Mary Bacon

Funny Quotes From Non-Comedians

  1. I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton
  2. “My father sent me this telegram: Don’t buy any more votes than you have to- I’m not paying for a damn landslide!” - John F. Kennedy
  3. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help. - Ronald Reagan
  4. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” - Hank Aaron
  5. “You know why music critics love Elvis Costello? Because most music critics LOOK like bleeping Elvis Costello!” - David Lee Roth
  6. “If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?” - Abraham Lincoln, when accused by a rival politician of being two-faced
  7. “Hitler couldn’t win on the road.” - NFL Coach Marv Levy, summing up World War II
  8. “We’re not that dumb, and we’re not that smart.” - Coca-Cola President Donald Keough, on whether or not New Coke was actually an elaborate conspiracy to boost sales of Coke Classic.
  9. “Once, when I was pregnant, I rode a pregnant mare in a race- the four of us came in last.” - jockey Mary Bacon
  10. “If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.” - Dorothy Parker

Funny Quotes From Non-Comedians

  1. I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton
  2. “My father sent me this telegram: Don’t buy any more votes than you have to- I’m not paying for a damn landslide!” - John F. Kennedy
  3. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help. - Ronald Reagan
  4. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” - Hank Aaron
  5. “You know why music critics love Elvis Costello? Because most music critics LOOK like bleeping Elvis Costello!” - David Lee Roth
  6. “If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?” - Abraham Lincoln, when accused by a rival politician of being two-faced
  7. “Hitler couldn’t win on the road.” - NFL Coach Marv Levy, summing up World War II
  8. “We’re not that dumb, and we’re not that smart.” - Coca-Cola President Donald Keough, on whether or not New Coke was actually an elaborate conspiracy to boost sales of Coke Classic.
  9. “Once, when I was pregnant, I rode a pregnant mare in a race- the four of us came in last.” - jockey Mary Bacon
  10. “If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.” - Dorothy Parker
  11. “Winston [Churchill] would skin his mother to make a drum with which to beat his own praises.” - David Lloyd George

Funny Quotes From Non-Comedians

  1. I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton
  2. “My father sent me this telegram: Don’t buy any more votes than you have to- I’m not paying for a damn landslide!” - John F. Kennedy
  3. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help. - Ronald Reagan
  4. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” - Hank Aaron
  5. “You know why music critics love Elvis Costello? Because most music critics LOOK like bleeping Elvis Costello!” - David Lee Roth
  6. “If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?” - Abraham Lincoln, when accused by a rival politician of being two-faced
  7. “Hitler couldn’t win on the road.” - NFL Coach Marv Levy, summing up World War II
  8. “We’re not that dumb, and we’re not that smart.” - Coca-Cola President Donald Keough, on whether or not New Coke was actually an elaborate conspiracy to boost sales of Coke Classic.
  9. “Once, when I was pregnant, I rode a pregnant mare in a race- the four of us came in last.” - jockey Mary Bacon
  10. “If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.” - Dorothy Parker
  11. “Winston [Churchill] would skin his mother to make a drum with which to beat his own praises.” - David Lloyd George
  12. Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded. - Yogi Berra

Funny Quotes From Non-Comedians

  1. I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton
  2. “My father sent me this telegram: Don’t buy any more votes than you have to- I’m not paying for a damn landslide!” - John F. Kennedy
  3. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help. - Ronald Reagan
  4. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” - Hank Aaron
  5. “You know why music critics love Elvis Costello? Because most music critics LOOK like bleeping Elvis Costello!” - David Lee Roth
  6. “If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?” - Abraham Lincoln, when accused by a rival politician of being two-faced
  7. “Hitler couldn’t win on the road.” - NFL Coach Marv Levy, summing up World War II
  8. “We’re not that dumb, and we’re not that smart.” - Coca-Cola President Donald Keough, on whether or not New Coke was actually an elaborate conspiracy to boost sales of Coke Classic.
  9. “Once, when I was pregnant, I rode a pregnant mare in a race- the four of us came in last.” - jockey Mary Bacon
  10. “If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.” - Dorothy Parker
  11. “Winston [Churchill] would skin his mother to make a drum with which to beat his own praises.” - David Lloyd George
  12. Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded. - Yogi Berra
  13. “I’m all in favor of it.” - Coach John McKay of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who were on their way to a record 0-14 season, when asked by reporters about his team’s ‘execution.’

Pass; I picked this one.

New topic:

Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984 :smack:

Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.

[Hey, there’s a coincidence. I just shared The Terminator with my 14-year-old grandson for the first time. He enjoyed it.]

Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.
  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.

Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.
  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.
  4. Attended the neighbor’s grill-out to I was invited; watched 1776, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Music Man.

Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.
  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.
  4. Attended the neighbor’s grill-out to I was invited; watched 1776, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Music Man.
  5. I saw Journey in concert!

Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.
  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.
  4. Attended the neighbor’s grill-out to I was invited; watched 1776, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Music Man.
  5. I saw Journey in concert!
  6. Spent much of the morning wondering if our neighborhood parade would be rained out. It was. We had it the next day.

Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.
  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.
  4. Attended the neighbor’s grill-out to I was invited; watched 1776, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Music Man.
  5. I saw Journey in concert!
  6. Spent much of the morning wondering if our neighborhood parade would be rained out. It was. We had it the next day.
  7. Hoisted the flag, toasted the United States, walked the dog, read in the backyard, watched a little of the “A Capitol Fourth” special on PBS.

Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.
  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.
  4. Attended the neighbor’s grill-out to I was invited; watched 1776, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Music Man.
  5. I saw Journey in concert!
  6. Spent much of the morning wondering if our neighborhood parade would be rained out. It was. We had it the next day.
  7. Hoisted the flag, toasted the United States, walked the dog, read in the backyard, watched a little of the “A Capitol Fourth” special on PBS.
  8. Laundry.

fixing…
****Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.
  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.
  4. Attended the neighbor’s grill-out to I was invited; watched 1776, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Music Man.
  5. I saw Journey in concert!
  6. Spent much of the morning wondering if our neighborhood parade would be rained out. It was. We had it the next day.
  7. Hoisted the flag, toasted the United States, walked the dog, read in the backyard, watched a little of the “A Capitol Fourth” special on PBS.
  8. Laundry
  9. Read about the 56 Signers of the Declaration of Independence, @ http://www.ushistory.org/Declaration/Signers/index.htm. PA had the most, 9 including Benjamin Franklin, and VA the 2d-most, 7 including Benjamin Harrison and Thomas Jefferson.

**Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.
  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.
  4. Attended the neighbor’s grill-out to I was invited; watched 1776, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Music Man.
  5. I saw Journey in concert!
  6. Spent much of the morning wondering if our neighborhood parade would be rained out. It was. We had it the next day.
  7. Hoisted the flag, toasted the United States, walked the dog, read in the backyard, watched a little of the “A Capitol Fourth” special on PBS.
  8. Laundry
  9. Read about the 56 Signers of the Declaration of Independence, @ http://www.ushistory.org/Declaration/Signers/index.htm. PA had the most, 9 including Benjamin Franklin, and VA the 2d-most, 7 including Benjamin Harrison and Thomas Jefferson.
  10. Rewatched parts of Independence Day and thought what a great job Randy Quaid did of playing a crazy guy, which makes me wonder if he’s acting now or really bonkers.

**Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.
  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.
  4. Attended the neighbor’s grill-out to I was invited; watched 1776, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Music Man.
  5. I saw Journey in concert!
  6. Spent much of the morning wondering if our neighborhood parade would be rained out. It was. We had it the next day.
  7. Hoisted the flag, toasted the United States, walked the dog, read in the backyard, watched a little of the “A Capitol Fourth” special on PBS.
  8. Laundry
  9. Read about the 56 Signers of the Declaration of Independence, @ http://www.ushistory.org/Declaration/Signers/index.htm. PA had the most, 9 including Benjamin Franklin, and VA the 2d-most, 7 including Benjamin Harrison and Thomas Jefferson.
  10. Rewatched parts of Independence Day and thought what a great job Randy Quaid did of playing a crazy guy, which makes me wonder if he’s acting now or really bonkers.
  11. Took advantage of my son being out of town, and slept til nearly 11 AM

Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984
  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.
  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.
  4. Attended the neighbor’s grill-out to I was invited; watched 1776, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Music Man.
  5. I saw Journey in concert!
  6. Spent much of the morning wondering if our neighborhood parade would be rained out. It was. We had it the next day.
  7. Hoisted the flag, toasted the United States, walked the dog, read in the backyard, watched a little of the “A Capitol Fourth” special on PBS.
  8. Laundry
  9. Read about the 56 Signers of the Declaration of Independence, @ http://www.ushistory.org/Declaration/Signers/index.htm. PA had the most, 9 including Benjamin Franklin, and VA the 2d-most, 7 including Benjamin Harrison and Thomas Jefferson.
  10. Rewatched parts of Independence Day and thought what a great job Randy Quaid did of playing a crazy guy, which makes me wonder if he’s acting now or really bonkers.
  11. Took advantage of my son being out of town, and slept til nearly 11 AM
  12. Went to the farmers’ market

Things You Did On The 4th, Independence Day

  1. Watched The Terminator, finally and for the first time, 31 years after it was released back in 1984

  2. Watched a dozen separate fireworks displays from my front yard.

  3. Attended the Ancients and Horribles Parade in Chepachet, RI.

  4. Attended the neighbor’s grill-out to I was invited; watched 1776, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Music Man.

  5. I saw Journey in concert!

  6. Spent much of the morning wondering if our neighborhood parade would be rained out. It was. We had it the next day.

  7. Hoisted the flag, toasted the United States, walked the dog, read in the backyard, watched a little of the “A Capitol Fourth” special on PBS.

  8. Laundry

  9. Read about the 56 Signers of the Declaration of Independence, @ http://www.ushistory.org/Declaration/Signers/index.htm. PA had the most, 9 including Benjamin Franklin, and VA the 2d-most, 7 including Benjamin Harrison and Thomas Jefferson.

  10. Rewatched parts of Independence Day and thought what a great job Randy Quaid did of playing a crazy guy, which makes me wonder if he’s acting now or really bonkers.

  11. Took advantage of my son being out of town, and slept til nearly 11 AM

  12. Went to the farmers’ market

  13. Walked my dog very very quick when firecrackers made him go from his usual "Jack Russell mutt ‘I’m a badass who can take on everybody!’ aggressive to ‘Save me daddy!’ in a heartbeat.
    Things that really irk you on Facebook

  14. Vaguebooking

For anyone not familiar, vaguebooking is when people post “woe is me” comments such as “I just don’t know how I’m going to get through this!” or “I trusted him and this is how he treats me!” or “Worst day ever…”, but give no detail or context.