I want to place a balloon full of fart (and a pin) on a colleague’s desk. Anonymously. How do I fill the balloon?
Buy some of this.
Buy a balloon inflater (a pump with a handle on one end and a nozzle on the other - you can get one at a party store). Dribble some of the liquid into the balloon. Quickly inflate with the pump and tie off.
Who would have even thought to invent this?
And the phrase “balloon full of fart” is both perfectly descriptive and hilarious.
Personally, I’m disappointed in Absolute’s post. I was looking forward to reading how to get an actual fart into a balloon.
ETA: On the other hand… Stocking stuffers!
Ok – here’s a theory to collect the farts. It’s incomplete, but perhaps some others can add the missing elements.
Your materials: beans or your favorite gas-producing foods, straws, balloons or condoms, and duct tape. Um, maybe some kind of lube would be good too. (Hell, lube is ALWAYS good, so absolutely get some.)
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Insert one end of a straw into the neck of the bolloon. Seal up that connection with duct tape. Repeat several times so you can have numerous collectors.
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Eat lots of your gas stimulant.
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Prepare your surfaces – a little bit of lube around the rim of the straw, and little dab outside the sphincter. I imagine performce may be improved it you get a little on the inside too, but let’s consider that optional. But don’t use so much that you, um, block the flow of gas to your pipeline.
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Once you can sense the gas production as begun, it’s time to insert your collector. Start by sucking all the air out. Remember, do this before insertion and not after removal.
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You know what comes next. Shove it in there and start pumping.
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When you run out of gas, or it seems the pressure has equalized and you cant get any more out, pull out your collector and seal off the open edge of the straw with some more duct tape.
Repeat the process with a new collector so long as you still have product.
Well that’s where my theory breaks down. I don’t know how you can collect these and pressurize one large ballon without a lot of pricey stuff.
Oh yeah, maybe some rubber gloves and some soap and water would be called for. 
Mythbusters already did this. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it but they had someone sit in a tub of water and sealed off their legs and torso. The fart bubbled through the water and up into a collection tank.
Blast! I thought up that method a long time ago and was going to mention it. I don’t have enough gas to do this, but it could work for other people. I’m not sure how you’d pump the gas from the container to the balloon though.
Well, if you capture the fart in an upside-down jar by trapping bubbles in the bath, you can pressurize it by plunging the jar deeper underwater. Seal a flexible tube to your balloon (above water) and then carefully poke the other end of the tube under the lip of the jar and into the pressurized bubble. Voila; gas is transferred.
I think this is a great idea. Pressure builds up very quicly under water. You could probably do a pretty good job in any swimming pool, especially one with a deep end.
What’s with all these fart questions?
And just think, you can tell your grandkids that you’re the one that got that line added to the pool rules!
I suggest eating the balloon and a whole lot of beans.
If everything works smoothly(so to speak), you will fart out the filled balloon, including both the fart and some partially digested beans.
Duh?
Suck in a fart near the source and blow up the balloon how you normally would. It’s not rocket science.:rolleyes:
First, collect the fart in a bottle by sitting in the bathtub or pool (a funnel might be useful here, since you’ll want a bottle with a small opening). Then, fill your balloon with water. Then stretch the opening of the balloon over the bottle, and pour the water from the balloon into the bottle. The gas in the balloon will have nowhere else to go, so it’ll end up in the balloon. No high-pressure equipment necessary.
Beautiful.
But why are there two stored fart questions in GQ today? Is somebody’s little brother home for the holidays?
This just begs the question: how does he tie off the balloon?
Mine was inspired by this thread, but I didn’t want to hijack.
You have to tell us how this works out.
Didn’t you hear? We’re exclusively going high-brown, now. Uh, I mean “high-brow”. 
Hula-dance like there is no tomorrow!
I kept reading the thread title as “Balloon full of fart and pain” and wondering why such an existential post is in GQ…
Is there an average fart volume? How many to fill a typical water balloon? A typical birthday party balloon? What about farty balloon animals? Those would be the most fun.
If this is for a prank, I think the OP should consider a punch balloon with a sandpaper-weakened patch. :eek: