I spotted a bat flying around my house tonight as I made my way up to my bedroom. Now, I’d like to tell you that I calmly trapped the harmless little fella in a coffee can and released him outside in a very man-like way. I’d love to tell you that. In fact, here was the approximate thought process that occurred:
Now the bastard’s got me holed up in my room. I took a peek out a while ago, and it looked like he was taking time to plot his next move while hanging maliciously in the stairwell. His break from flying gave me the opportunity to open a window in the other room on this floor. I kept my eye on him the whole time.
A little later, I decided to see if he had found his way outside. I poked my head out of my room, and the little hellspawn flew right at me. He hit the door just inches from my head. It was as obvious a threat as a hissing cat with arched back, or a grizzly reared back onto its hind legs. There’s no way I’m opening that door again tonight.
This doesn’t mean I have to return my Man Card, does it? I’ve always been kind of an indoor kid, but I can change a tire. I can throw a football. I mean, freaking Batman was afraid of bats, wasn’t he? Of course, he probably would have been prepared for a situation such as this…