Holy winged intruder, Batman!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So last night was like so many at my house. At 3 am, my son woke up with a nightmare, to which my wife quickly responded. Unable to console him in time, my daughter soon woke up screaming in her crib, my call to action. Quickly donning a pair of underwear, in this case a festive pair of Christmas boxers (hey it was dark)I was soon on her floor trying to console her back to sleep, while my wife was in the hallway trying to calm my son and tell him that nothing was flying around his room chasing him, it had just been a bad dream.

No sooner had she walked him sobbing back to his room, when quickly they came running back down the hallway screaming, increasing the number of shreiking people in my house by 50%. I stumble throught the door of my daughter’s room to find my wife saying “You’re right. There is something flying around your room.” I go down, peek in, see nothing, and shut the door, telling them its just the shadow from the ceiling fan spinning around. Off they go to our bed, back I go to the floor of my hysterical daughter, who soon decides she’d rather be asleep than crying.

Now I, armed with a Y chromosome and underwear that plays Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, go back to my son’s room, peek in, turn on the light, and great gobs of gravy, sure enough there’s a bat flying around his room!!!

Shutting the door, I retreat to assess the situation. “Must get rid of bat.” “Need hat so it doesn’t fly in my hair.”…yeah, I know, urban legend but it’s now 3:30 and who’s thinking clearly? Off I go to don a camouflage fishing hat (yeah, like that makes a difference with a nearly blind bat). Now…I need a weapon. Fishing net? Nope…don’t want to catch it, just want to get rid of it. I have visions of it tangled in the net. My cats? Hmmm…effective, but potentially messy. We’ll let them sleep. Giant foam board Tommy Pickles head from Rugrats? Yep. Just the ticket. Armed with this big head on a stick I set about to shoo the offending bat out the windows I’ve just opened. It just continues to circle the room wildly. Time for a more offensive approach I think, and proceed to do my best cowboy impression and try to herd it out the windows. With a solid “THWOK” I realize I’ve swung to close, and have spiked the bat into the corner, next to the laundry basket where it sits dazed, dead, resting, who the hell knows. So naturally, it’s off to the garage for the snow shovel, and I’m pleased to note that it hasn’t moved when I return.

Now anyone who’s ever seen a scary movie knows exactly what happens next. In I go to scoop up the bat, which of course, is very much alive and responds to my approach with an eerie hissing buzz. I, of course, leap back about five feet and out of my aforementioned holiday underwear. Up it flys, and with a deft flip of my wrist, which was more self defense than manly heroics, swat the bat like a ping pong ball out the window. A perfect shot.

Shut the windows…back to bed…where my wife is laughing hysterically to herself, after listening to me muttering to myself for the past hour. She’s managed to convince my son that the noises he heard from daddy was me calming down the cats, who somehow may have cared about the chaos. He’s content to believe this rather than think that his greatest fear…monsters in his room…has come true. Back he falls asleep. My wife continues to chuckle to herself. And I, lit up with a gallon of adrenaline flowing through my body, am awake the rest of the night pondering…

“How the hell did this thing get in the house in the first place???”

2

Do you have a belfry?

nice work dad, your’e a hero.

3

I grew up in an old farmhouse and we had bats creep into the house on more than one occaision. I even had the same experience your son had–bat in my room. It flew around for a while until my screaming woke my parents. The screaming must have scared it–it flew up into the light fixture so when my dad turned on the light there was this eerie Batsignal-like shadow across my bed. My dad was cool–just took my out of the room and shut the door.
“It was just a bat. Just as scared of you as you were of it.”
When we asked him how it got there, he said it probably got caught in the walls and found its way into the attic. Attic door left open…you get the picture.
Still freaked me out. Jeez, wish you’d have been there in your Rudolph shorts.

4

Oh, brilliant, thank you, thank you, thank you!!! They already think I’m mad at work, but I nearly fell off my chair picturing you creeping around doing battle with the bat…
any chance of a movie or mini-series?

5

A similar thing happened to me last Thursday night. I was somewhat blitzed at an interactive industry party when I got a call from my sister, who is staying with me in New York City this summer.

She was frantic. A winged creature had somehow made it into the apartment and sis had ran away and locked herself in the bedroom. She wanted me to come home right away and rectify the problem.

Since I’ve been pretty busy lately and I don’t get out much, I was having a great time at this party. But I reluctantly left and went home to take care of things. After a 20 minute cab ride, I came home to find a pigeon perched on top of one of my stereo speakers in the living room. Sis was indeed locked in the next room and wasn’t coming out until the bird was history.

So I’m wasted, it’s late, and I’m running around my apartment with a sheet trying to ensnarl the pigeon. After a couple minutes, I managed to catch the bird and release it out the window without doing it any harm. Not bad after several beers and a few rum and cokes. :slight_smile:

6

Heh. I had one creep up out of the FLOOR while I was
renovating my kitchen last fall. A 6HP ShopVac is highly recommended as a bat remover.

You might check out your house/attic to make sure you don’t have a nest of the critters.

Although the risk of rabies is vanishingly small, you should check the child for any scratches or bite marks.

7

This is one of the funniest things I have read in a very long time.

I have had my share of adventures with lost bats too. It’s always funnier afterwards.

8

yep, check quickly for bat bites.
have had this happen to me several times, myself. First one was within 2 weeks of moving to new home. I get up in the am, go to the bathroom, am sitting there, without my glasses, look over “gee what’s that blob on the wall?” walk over to it (without my glasses I’m blind as a… oh, nevermind), get within 3 inches of it before it comes to focus. Go get something to hit it with, (and a pail and board to scoop it up into), lock us in the bathroom while I deal with it, swooping around, I’m half screaming, my then 3 year old son comes toddling out “what ya doin mommy” I’m just smacking a really big bug" “I gotta go potty”… oh god.

anyhow, got rid of that one, next several ones, I took a different position on bats in the house. My position is: Prone on the floor, whimpering. I do it rather well, thank you. and call SO to come save me from the bat (or more to the point, have my son, who’s older now, call, 'cause remember, I’m on the floor, whimpering).

as a matter of fact, both my son (now 16) and the SO delight in making fun of my bat phobia. Once, SO bought about 30 rubbery little bats and stuck them under the visor in the passenger side of his truck so they’d fall out at me. rotten guy.

So, if you need an additional person lying on the floor whimpering, just call, I’m really quite good at it.

9

Try getting a swarm of bees out of your bathroom once in a while.

It’s very simple: After your brother has gone outside and removed the screen, you go inside the bathroom, close the door quickly lest the bees head for your parents’ bed room, and then open the window. Oh, and keep your mouth closed.

I was not stung. Not even once. (I guess bees really won’t sting you if they aren’t angry.)

Then there was the time I had to get rid of a snake that had crawled inside a vacuum-cleaner attachment. Mom was screaming because she can’t STAND snakes. “It’s a copperhead, isn’t it? Isn’t it?!?!?”

“No, Mama, it’s a king snake. It’s no more poisonous than a cat. Sheesh!”

After those incidents, I think I could handle a bat.

10

I’m not sure if it’s urban legend or not, but I was always told that if you have a bat in or on your house, make sure to kill it, because otherwise it will always remember your house as a nice little cave and keep coming back. I was also told to cremate them before you throw it away or bury it,to make sure the local cats and dogs don’t pick up any wierd diseases.

11

Bats are protected in this country (England), and you have to get specialists in to come and move them (if you’re allowed to) to a safe roost.

On the trapped side -

we have a small enclosed porch on my mother’s house. We came home from the supermarket together & she opens the porch door & is unlocking the front door when this poor little sparrow suddenly flutters up from the ground in there. She screams, shoves the door opens, jumps through & slams it leaving me locked out in there! Guess I never want to be with her if the house is on fire…

Also, when I was 5 (you know, the age when you still think your parents can do anything), I’d gone to bed, it was a hot night & I only had a thin sheet on (guys, I was five! calm down!) … the light was out & I could feel this thing crawling up the bed…eventually I got the courage up to scream & pull the covers over my head and my mom comes charging upstairs to see what’s up. I hear a click as the light goes on and then she starts to scream, because it’s a spider & she’s petrified of spiders. My nan came up then and rescued both of us. Still scared of spiders after that (& I can’t watch that bit in Dr.No either - too familiar, even though it was a centipede in the book).

Ok, my audience is asleep, so I’ll just tiptoe out quietly…damn, did that board always squeak?

12

wolfman do NOT cremate the little body. If you DO kill it, you’ll need to get it checked for rabies - which means when you do kill it, don’t crack it’s skull since the skull must be intact for them to check the brain for rabies (we’ve had a recent rabid bad flurry of activity around here lately, and yes, I was still prone on the floor whimpering.)

13

We’ve had frequent invasions of winged mice our workplace. Get some gloves (safety consideration, don’cha know) and close the door in the room the bat is in. Make sure you’re in the room with the bat or the next bit won’t work very well.[list=1][li]Wait until the bat lands and pick the bat up.[/li]Gently – they’re not tigers, ya know!
[li]Take the bat outside and release it.[/list=1]You might have to attempt step one several times before you actually have a bat in hand, but remember, it’s a frightened little animal that will eventually tire before you will.[/li]
Keep in mind that most bats are insectivores or fruit eaters (some eat pollen or nectar). If you are bigger than an insect, don’t look like a bite-sized fruit, are not covered in pollen or nectar, the bat will not be very inclined to bite.

You wear gloves when bat-hunting largely because the bat may try to bite you if it thinks that doing so will cause you to drop it. I have never seen a bat attempt to bite its captor, but I’m sure some of them might be a bit more feisty than others. Why run the risk?

~~Baloo

14

I was about 2 yrs. old (this is one of my first clear memories) when I woke up to the sound of a bat flapping against my ceiling. I screamed and woke up my mom and her roommate. The other woman was screaming and covering my hair and making me cower in a corner of the room. My mother just stood there looking at us with total disdain, told us we were being ridiculous and shooed the bat out the window with a rolled up newspaper. She’s still cooler than me to this day.

15

The bat probably got into the attic, then blundered around until it found some way into the bedroom. They’re not real big, and can fit through holes and creases about the diameter of a quarter or so. And believe me, old house or new, there are more cracks and crevices in your house, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Check yer attic vents for damage, and check around also for more bats hanging from the rafters.

If you have more evidence of bats (sorry, but I don’t know precisely what guano looks like), you need to perform some exclusionary procedures.

Wait until after twilight, when the bats have awakened and flown out for breakfast. Then nail screening over all the vents and other holes that look as if they’re likely access points. You’ll want to scope out the place before you actually do the handiwork, so you can work quickly and efficiently. Happy hunting.

16

In the “ick - a BAT!” category:

I once encountered a bat outside a deli in my hometown. For some reason, this building had a sort of an open hallway that went clear from the outside of the building inside, with no doors or anything. The bathrooms of the deli were on this hallway, and as I was coming out of the bathroom there was a BAT in the hallway. This was in broad daylight, so I figured it must be psychotic or otherwise nutso. I was stuck in the bathroom for a while, because everytime I came out it started flying straight at me. Eventually, I got back to the deli, where me and SO sat and watched the thing flutter around through a window. We exited through another doorway.

In the “How the hell did THAT get in the house?” category:

I was in my house once, and noticed the cats running around like nuts. No big deal, they do that all the time. Out of the corner of my eye, I see something FLY by my. I think to myself “Damn, that’s the biggest moth I’ve ever seen!” (the cats often bring moths into the house and hunt 'em down). I follow it into the room where it flew, and find there’s a FINCH clinging to the draperies. Seeing as it was being chased by 3 cats, it was pretty freaked out. It flew around a little bit more, then landed on a bookshelf. Having had lots and lots of parakeets as a kid, I just walked up to it and grabbed it. I took it outside. My cousin, who was watching, was amazed as all hell that I could CATCH a BIRD. To this day, I have no clue how it got in the house.

17

Wring, If someone had been bitten or may have been, then we put it in a jar until it suffocated then had it looked at. The cremation was if it hadn’t bitten anybody, and was just in preference to burying it or throwing it away. Of course this was back in the days of ashpits, so burning it wasn’t a big deal.

18

wolfman, thanks. glad no one was bitten.

19

Bats flit about from here to there,
And never nest in ladies’ hair,
A fact of which men spend their lives
Attempting to convince their wives.
-Ogden Nash, “The Bat”

20

Rundogrun, your encounter with the winged intruder sounds epic indeed, but did it inspire a work of immortal verse?

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