Bathroom Graffitti's Greatest Hits!

In black ink:


Adjacent, in green ink and a distinctly different hand:


“Press button, receive bacon” is one of my all-time favorites.

I once saw (in my high school bathroom) “Fuck the world–I’m on a Quaalude!”

So I wrote “Shit the world–I’m on Exlax!”

I’m sure this one is in a lot of high school rest rooms:

Flush twice. It’s a long way to the school cafeteria.

And equally erudite :rolleyes: I’ve seen this near a urinal:

No matter how you shake and dance,
that final drop rolls down your pants.

In between tiles on the wall:

It freaks me out to write on grout.

In another tile:
It freaks me in to write so thin.

Better yet was when I graffiti’d a “proof” that 1=0 on a bathroom wall of a college, and someone actually provided the proper correction!

But the most memorable one I’ve seen, if not the funniest or most cogent:

“It’s allways 4:20”. The misspelling is key. How can someone not misspell when thinking about pot?

I’m so stupid. What?

I believe the joke is that the attempted correction was a horrible failure.


This has been mentioned elsewhere, in other threads, I’m sure.

IIRC, it was the restroom of the Red Rock in NYC.

The first philosopher had written:

“What would Jesus do?”

Someone else followed with:

“For a Klondike Bar?”

I have been perplexed by some bathroom scrawling I saw years ago. I never found anyone who knew what it meant. Maybe someone here has seen it. Of course I cannot remember exactly what it said. I saw it in a few campus bathrooms (UNC Chapel Hill) and I know for sure it was in the physics building bathroom. It involved looking at your anus, a blue dot and Indians (I assume the New Dehli variety.

Has anyone seen this or is it just something exclusive to the school, maybe something that came from an inside joke of some lonely physics majors? I thought I saw it in a bathroom in another town, but I could be mistaken.

I tried to figure it out for the longest time. It is a still mystery and now a fuzzy one to boot.

My favorite is one that’s actually appropriate for Cafe Society:

It was in the bathroom of the Coronet theater in San Francisco, when they were showing preview screenings of the “special edition” of Star Wars. We must’ve gone to one of the later ones, because in the men’s bathroom stall, somebody had written:


Seen on the walls of a high school bathroom in Topeka:

“Flush twice, it’s a long way to the cafeteria.”

In a ladies restroom somewhere: “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie”.

In a porta-potty on a field exercise ten years ago:

*I’ve fucked women from France
I’ve fucked women from Spain
I’ve even fucked women on the coast of Maine

But I’ll never be happy
And I’ll never be free
'Til I’ve fucked the army
The way the army fucked me.*

In the Borders Bookstore stall in downtown Boston:

“The wages of sin are death!” And underneath that in different handwriting: “But the hours are great!”

Jim Hightower mentions in one of his books a message written over the hand blow dryer in a Texas bar: “Press here for a message from Senator Phil Gramm.”

In the ladies room of the Little Five Points Pub in Atlanta:

“My mother made me a lesbian.”

In different handwriting and ink:

“If I buy the yarn, will she make me one, too?”

This one’s not very funny, but it did seem to fit the general mood of the college I was matriculating through in the Spring of 1968 when I saw it on a restroom wall on campus:

“Where is Lee Harvey Oswald when we need him?”
The subject matter (that everyone who read this at the time understood) was then POTUS Lyndon Johnson, who was at his lowest ebb of popularity. The graffitti appeared just about the time he announced he wouldn’t run for President in 1968.

Here’s a less ominous one I saw in a local bar years ago:

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy”

Any one who’s been to summer camp has probably seen this one (from Camp Bratton-Green, an Episcopalian camp near Canton, Miss.):

Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their shit in little balls

Those who read these words of wit
Eat those little balls of shit.

My Dad told me these two from his college days:

Don’t change dicks in the middle of a screw
Vote for Nixon in '72.

And the inevitable liberal backlash:

If you voted for Nixon in '72, you can’t shit here because your asshole’s in Washington.

An photo major friend of mine used to describe the great graffiti found in the art building. My favorite was one written on the entirety of a wall, with a huge space between the first statement and the second:

In a men’s room in the Hayden Library here at ASU:

Here I sit
Butt cheeks flexin’
Just gave birth
To another Texan