Reminds me of a poem my Daddy taught me, when I was a golden-haired tot, padding around the ancestral manse in my footie PJs:
Abie Kabibble, King of the Jews
Wiped his ass with the Daily News.
Paper too thin
Finger went in;
Abie Kabibble, King of the Jews
Yes, I grew up in an intellectual household.
Please don’t disturb the fish.
Incidentally, my worst nightmare came true several weeks ago when my poor old, battered and bent glasses slid off my nose and into the toilette.
My reaction was swift - my left hand darted to catch the silly things on the way down. But alas, I am not left-handed, I could no longer see, I was still working the zipper and I was fearful of crushing them in my grasp. Thus, they bounced once off my lame palm and ploinked into the bowl.
T’was a sad, sad day for Gorgon Heap.
I have nightmares of that happening, especially with these old glasses…
I once had a nearly brand-new bar of soap squirt out of my hands and into the toilet bowl just as it was flushing.
Thats nothing. The other day as I was putting my tounge ring back in I dropped it in a PUBLIC toilett. I plopped it in a glass of mouthwash and bought a new one. One week later I still couldn’t force myself to put the old one in so I threw it out.
I’m amazed that the thought of putting it back in even crossed your mind. :eek:
Why was your tongue ring out of your mouth anywhere around a public toilet?
Do you live in a dorm?
I’m amazed it was even fished out of the terlet.
You got a piece of ass, anyways.
Regarding the thinness of TP these days: a friend was off camping, and they ran out of mountain money, so he used the only thing handy, which happened to be a sock. He swears it was the greatest wiping experience of his life, and says whoever can mass-market cloth-based TP will become wealthy beyond their wildest dreams.
My friend, while we were in college, always talked about developing a thin cloth mitten that would come on a roll like toilet paper. You’d pull one off, put it on, and do your dirty work. He called it the “Handy Wipe[sup]TM[/sup]” and he claimed it would revolutionize the world of ass-wiping.
Happy
Ever notice that they never advertise “new breakthroughs” in toilet paper? 
Let’s not talk of my supervisor, who was talking on her cell phone while on the toilet and somehow managed to drop said cell phone into said toilet.
The phone call she made to the cell phone company was a work of art. I wish I’d taped it.
Good thing it wasn’t one of those picture phones. Course one Hubble telescope-like “shot” of her butthole surrounded by porcelain and the phone company service person would probably immediately realize what had happened and send her a replacement.
Talk about generating some water cooler conversations.
nah all those cloth things will not work, people will always buy whatever is on sale anyway.
:eek: :eek: :eek:
This happens when you have the phone in your breast pocket, or an inside jacket pocket, or whatever, and it slides out when you bend over to reach the flushing handle. Of course, you’re too embarrassed to admit you were such a klutz, so you say it slipped from your hand or something, because for some unknown reason it’s less humiliating to be thought of as a garden-variety butterfingers than it is to be a moron who forgot that heavy shit falls out of your pocket when you bend over.
That’s my theory, and I’m sticking to it.