Bathroom sounds ( Can we talk?)

I know I know I said I would raise my sights on the next post…so I lied.
Anywho, my question is…Why hasn’t someone come up with a cheap sound device that is built in a commode that would cover up those embarrassing ripping squishy farting sounds during a bowel movement. Especially in public restrooms.
I read somewhere that the japanese have invented one for the ladies public bathrooms. I think ( not sure) that it makes a flushing sound like water running even tho you are not flushing yet. I just hate to get in a public stall next to guy and hear that riiiphhhhhh! and in some cases the relieved groan that follows. I mean its ok if I do it I just don’t want to hear the other guy do it. Do ladies public restrooms have this gross noisy problem or are their dumps quieter than mens. It’s hard for me to come out of the bathroom and say “Good Morning Honey!” to my wife when I know she had lain there listening to me ripping off the gas build up from the night before.

I realize it’s possible that I am making much a do do about nuttin.

Perhaps no one came up with a device like that in the US is because most of us are too well adjusted to need one. I feel sorry for you. Didn’t you follow the “I feel better.” thread? After you use the can at work do you slink around thinking “everyone knows what I just did,” or do you walk with a spring in your step feeling like a new man? I don’t want you to share your particularly good BM stories with me but lighten up. :wink:

Well I am probably anally retentive anyway…when I go to walmart I have to take a shit without fail. Apparently the some sort of stimuli in there triggers a BM. No reason to waste money on otc laxatives for me just a trip to walmart does the trick. oops you said you didn’t want to share my BM stories…sorry.

Of course that’s just my opinion I could be wrong.
Dennis Miller

Im deaf so Im not concerned about the sounds.

Why do shit & farts smell? So the deaf can enjoy them too.

I got a device for you… You put a microphone in the toilet, then send the signal through a phase-reversal device then output it to a speaker. The result is that the BM sounds will be cancelled-out by their phase-reversed versions. One of the car companies (Lexus maybe?) does this to eliminate some of the car’s noise.

I’ll leave it up to you to install an appropriate microphone in your john.

Oh man, you guys have me laughing so hard.

I’m at work right now, and I just went and dropped a deuce. As I’m sitting there, someone sat in the stall next to me, and within two seconds he let out the loudest rip I’ve ever heard, followed by the most satisfied groan of pleasure.

I started laughing out loud, and the guy said to me “I’d leave if I were you before the smell gets over there”.

I come back to my desk, and this is the most recent question in GQ. How appropriate.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.

Arken said–

I got a device for you… You put a microphone in the toilet, then send the signal through a phase-reversal device then output it to a speaker.

Vellllyy intelesting

Of course that’s just my opinion I could be wrong.
Dennis Miller

“Mr. aha. Come out of the bathroom with your hands where we can see them. No one will harm you. We are here to help you”.
Peace, mangeorge


Of course that’s just my opinion I could be wrong.
Dennis Miller

Stevie Rave On,

Your story cracked me up! (My younger pupils will love it too).

And hope that the phase-reverser doesn’t short out and send the feed to the speaker unmodulated.

In answer to the ladies room question, If I have anything like that to do, I wait until everyone’s gone. Not all women are like me in that respect, (nosiree, nuh-uh, no way, if you could HEAR some of these ladies…), but I’ve found that enough of them are that women’s rooms are quieter than men’s rooms.

Go ahead, ask me what happens when two women are in the stalls, each waiting for the other to leave.

“That’s entertainment!” —Vlad the Impaler

Hey, I never said it was PRACTICAL. Again, though, a car company does it and some of the microphones they use are near the wheel bases on the EXTERIOR of the car. I was told about this when I got my engineering training, but it was a while ago, so I can’t remember the details.

Why don’t we just exhaust this thread, so to speak, right now, before it overcomes us.

There must be better things to vent here.

Ray (who missed the commute from hell, where the tank truck carrying Port-A-Potty drainings overturned the other day on the SF approach to the Bay Bridge – not just bumper-to-bumper but totally flushed)

neuro-trash grrrl,

You said ‘Go ahead, ask me what happens when two women are in the stalls, each waiting for the other to leave.’

OK, what happens?!

In the bathtub of history, the truth is harder to hold than the soap… (Pratchett)

Do tell!
Inquiring minds want to know.

t lion

" I Wonder What Happens When I push THIS Button? "

Instead of noise cancelling, how about celebrating the event. Have an optical sensor that detects the fresh deposition of a load and triggers a random recording along the lines of:
“Oh my gawd, it’s sooo big!”
“That’s one way to lose weight!”
“Oh that felt good! That was the BM of a lifetime”

You could even had commercials play for Immodium AD, Phillips Milk of Magnesia, etc.

how about
“My God! You should have had a saddle and a lasso for that one!”

Some, actually, most of the guys I’ve known seem to take a perverse delight in bathroom sounds, smells and humor. Especially if they are with other guys and then things get real nasty, as if they can’t get their thoughts off of their asses, which I find curious. The take delight in seeing who can make the biggest and stinkiest fart and then let everyone within a one block vicinity know about it. The groans and sounds I have heard coming out of guys bathrooms when they are in them resemble someone being tortured to death or climaxing or both. Then they come out with a shit-eating grin and warn everyone not to go ‘in there.’

It should not surprise anyone, I mean, look what they term the female vagina, which almost all are attempting to get into most of the time. SNATCH. STENCH TRENCH. FISHING HOLE. STINK FINGER. KUNT. KOOZE. BLOODY MARY. (And they wonder why some women aren’t all that crazy about ‘giving it up.’)

An ex-boyfriend of mine just could not pick up the seat nor could he NOT miss peeing on it and it was too much trouble for him to wipe it up after himself. (He lasted long enough for him to do that twice.)

Get them out in the woods and you’d think they INVENTED shitting in bushes or peeing on trees. Guys will pee ANYWHERE at ANY TIME. Even on each other, the humor of which I have not managed to determine. A girl friends boyfriend, once when we all went camping on an island together, went in with us swimming and took a dump in the water! He thought it was funny to not tell us about it until we discovered his log floating in our vicinity. We left the water in a hurry and he got no nookey from her that night.

I guess most guys figure it is a manly thing to make such a fuss about taking a crap. I wonder if they have some secret, psychological childish left over desire to play with the stuff also.

Rest assured, Anita, that some of us males do not revel in bathroom humour, take the time to lift the seat and put it down afterwards and insist on peeing in a bathroom unless it’s an emergency (even then, I try to hold it in as long as possible).

I also don’t wear pro-wrestling T-Shirts nor do I find it acceptable to belch words and scratch my crotch in public.