Batman vs. Samuel L. Jackson

What if you got Sam Jackson to PLAY Batman?

Guinastasia. Ahhhhhh, you’d get the same bitching from those purists who felt that Michael Clarke Duncan had no business playing Kingpin in DAREDEVIL.

[sam jackson] I’M BATMAN… ya dumb muthah-f*cka![/sj]

Get real. That’d be like getting a black woman to play Catwoman.

what would be wrong with that?

Actually David Prowse played Darth Vader… James Earl Jones just did a voice over for the speaking parts.

Batman wins.

Batman vs. Jules Winnifred: A One Act Play

**Batman.[b/] There are seven ways to disarm you from this position. Three of them disarm with minimal contact. Three of them kill. The third… hurts.

Jules. I hate to shatter your ego, but this ain’t the first time I’ve had a batarang pointed at me.

Vincent. (interjecting): Jules, if you give him our money, I’m gonna fucking shoot him on general principle.

Batman. (turning to Vincent) Vicious, stupid punk…

Jules. Shut up Bat Man, this don’t have a goddamn thing to do with you… Vincent, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Batman. This would be a fine death… but not fine enough.

Jules. Well, that seems to be the situation. Now let’s see what we can do. (Considering) Truth is, you’re the weak – and I am the tyranny of evil men. But I’m trying, Ringo. I’m trying hard to be the shepherd.

Batman. There’s nothing wrong with you that I can’t fix with my hands.

Jules. It’s things like this that’s gonna bring this situation to a HEAD, man!

Batman. You don’t get it do you? This isn’t a mudhole, boy. This is an operating table. And I’m the surgeon.

(The two begin fighting, spouting non-sequitars)

Jules. I’m Superfly TNT! I’m the Guns of the Navarone!

Batman. Stupid. Stupid punk. No discipline.

Jules. Ha ha ha. They’re your clothes, motherfucker.

Batman. Break you. Break you in half.

Finally the battle ends, as all battles must, with only one victor.

Batman. (Seizing Jules by the throat) Remember, in all the years to come… in your private dreams… my hand at your throat… the one man who BEAT you…

Jules. (Before losing consciousness) Hey, better back off. I-I-I’m gettin’ a little pissed, here…

Diagolue by Q. Taratino and F. Miller

I’m afraid there’s only one deciding factor here: Batman is white.

In fact, he’s a rich white playboy. Exactly the type of ass Sam is most likely to get super-motivated to kick. Don’t believe me? Who was the villain he creamed in Shaft 2000? A rich white prettyboy. (The last part is an extra motivation if Batman is played by Kilmer or Clooney.)

Damn-- :smack: --why didn’t I think of that! Good one, Doc!

Good grief, what have I started? :eek: