'20 and '21 seasons
'22 season
It’s back! More robots, more Faruq-isms, more surprises, more cheesy effects, and rumor has it that Rose and Florian have toned it down a bit! Thursdays in the usual places. And I know that the shooting/airing schedule can be a bit…waffly, of you will, but I can’t think of a better way to kick off a reality TV schedule (I seriously doubt Fantasy Island is going to be the answer), so '23 it is! Just for the record, though, this is officially season 7, meaning, of course, season 7 of the current incarnation of Battlebots and not that Comedy Central foolishness which hardly anyone remembers anymore. I don’t makes 'em, I just reports 'em. 
Just a few quick tidbits before my big opening day blowout post (man, I always wanted to be the guy who did that 
) on Saturday. Tombstone is out, possibly for good. There are a bunch of new machines, none of which has gotten any press that I know of yet. There’s apparently a new judge replacing Jason Bardis. And the big news is that Covid restrictions are over and the event is going back to 4-match prelims. Furthermore, every bot is going to have its schedule posted on the website so you can start speculating about them well in advance. It’s currently down, so I can’t say how accurate this is right now, but if true it’s going to make preparing my recaps a lot easier.
One last thing I’d like to get out of the way. Dave Eaton is back with a new machine, Rusty Jr. I know this man has a legitimately strong following, and I know he’s truly been an inspiration to many. I still think he should’ve stepped down, but I understand that a lot of fans and power brokers don’t agree with me. As long as he remains decent and likable (and there’s no reason to think he won’t), I don’t begrudge him his presence here. However! There needs to be a rule with these inspirational, common-man, fighting, good of the sport etc. etc. contestants. For the first two years, they get to be treated with kid gloves, and everyone can ooh and ah and say what a wonderful example of the human spirit etc. he is. Thereafter, the kid gloves come off and they’re treated like everyone else. They’ve had more than enough time to learn the ropes, find out what works, and develop some sense of tactics. Heck, it’s not like there’s any lack of cannon fodder to score at least an occasional win. You were a plucky little kid once, but now you’ve grown up, and it’s time to stop inspiring and start competing.
. Ribbot is going with a “tongued” vertical spinner and has two small wedges. The Galatelys refuse to chase the “ground game” bandwagon; they’re sporting a 250MPH max spinner and no forks. This is a heck of a season opener, two heavy hitters that create all kinds of headaches for their opponents and have many impressive wins under their belts.
it’s lost its left front tire. And Mike Galately decides to continue going head on. WD sweeps to Ribbot’s flank, and Ribbot promptly gets the first solid hit of the match, knocking WD over and taking off some steel. But WD immediately responds with a big hit that…and now I definitely need an acronym now…TRSHCO (Takes Ribbot’s Stupid Head Completely Off). 
Yo, that wasn’t anywhere close to 30 seconds! And another grab. And some clown hammer action. And another grab. CS slips out and tries to find room to spin up, but Quantum hounds it every step of the way…and…this is going to be another really boring yooner, isn’t it? Uh huh…uh huh…obligatory endo…and…yeah. A bunch of more-of-the-same later, CS starts smoking and stops moving, the end.
It should have a good test against Gruff, which can do little offensively but can take a heavy beating.
Gruff switches to an I’m-not-touching-you-oh-wait-yes-I-am assault while Ripperoni flips and flops and tumbles and bumbles and flails and bails and otherwise looks absolutely out of control. Gruff gets under and does a “suplex”, which is Battlebots speak for “anything within a football field of what we think looks kinda-sorta like a throw”. Shot of driver Fred Mohr running to a different position at least 20 feet away, and anytime a driver has to work that hard just to follow his machine, there’s a problem. Ripperoni gets up on its small wheel and spins like a wind-up ballerina, which, combined with its earlier die impersonation, leads me to believe that robot fighting really isn’t its game. And some smoke for good measure.
I’m tempted to call that place Boot Hill.
All I’m saying is that in most leagues, semi-mains with this level of bungling get an earful from the fans. FS follows up by diving right under a clown hammer, and then a head-on collision which sends them both spinning away. And then another, much bigger shot which draws flames from FS. FS rushes the still-wobbly Gigabyte and sends it skyward. And now Gigabyte is inverted and the righter is broken! It skitters across the box and even does a spinning top impression (Man, we’re really getting hit with the toys tonight! 
They grind against each other, drum to wedge. The box is now full of smoke. And then Emulsifier’s driver whines “Count ‘em out! Count ‘em out!”, while Ewert snivels “Keep going, they can’t drive, count him out!” because we can never have too much crappy sportsmanship, am I right? 
(Of course, the new completely-dead standard, which the drivers have to know by now, only makes this even more pathetic.)
Mercy! A valiant effort from the newcomer, but it simply surrendered too much of itself to warrant serious consideration; yooner Fusion. It has a tough remaining schedule, and it’s obvious that its overheating issues have not been solved; there’s a pretty good chance this win is the only one it’s going to get for a while. Emulsifier’s problems are very simple, durability and getting weapon on target. Its schedule is far from brutal, so it could score an upset, but right now the tournament looks completely out of the question.
The bad news is that Valkyrie doesn’t look damaged at all, while Mammoth is already shaky and is losing bits of itself. Mammoth left wheel looks down, and Valkyrie capitalizes with a shot to the left fork. Valkyrie looks slow and tentative as it moves back in. Mammoth swings…and hits the floor upending itself…oh my goddesses! Half of the club just broke off, and then the other half! 
I’m not kidding, Mammoth completely took itself apart! Valkyrie takes one final shot, after which Willems pleads “We’re dead! We’re dead!” and…I…that just says it all right there. Hey, Du, when you do start piling higher and deeper, start with that brown pile of junk.
YES, sent skyward! Blip manages to right, but you have to think it can’t take much more of this.
) No surprise: yooner End Game.
] touch.
Not the follow-up I would’ve done. Both bots are now inverted and struggling. Emulsifier gets its wheels under it…but…can’t move! Malice is still inverted and spinning like a top on one good wheel, but remember, the new rule is that any movement means that it’s still alive…and thus ends Emulsifier’s foolish hopes.
Yeah. Beta gets a couple more hits which don’t do anything. A wepper! Kraken’s saw stops moving…but Beta’s hammer arm is bent! Florian: “It’s gone from a hammer to a spatula!” 
Finally, with the help of some hard maneuvering, Hypershock gets righted; after a bit more jostling, it starts taking the offensive, knocking Whiplash back. Whiplash gets briefly tied up by a clown hammer before Hypershock drives hard and takes off an armor panel. Whiplash is briefly upended, and Hypershock surges in, knocking it back over…and that’ll cinch it, as Whiplash is now smoking badly and motionless. Excellent driving from Bales! 
, which alone should give you some idea how much credence I give it) that if you beat a bot this season, that proves that the decision that went against you last season was wrong.