Okay, yeah, it’s official, there are way too many fricking annoying chants now; “first crack in the dam” is a go. 
(I thought Rose and Florian would be it, but they’ve surprisingly regained their old form.)
CHAMPIONS 2 - SCS DAY 3
++ First round ++
Triton vs. Gigabyte
It’s always triumph or tragedy with full body spinners, and in an endurance test like Champions, tragedy always strikes at some point. We’ll see if it can at least get a better record than in season 7. Gigabyte begins its assault by veering into the upper deck wall; luckily Triton is all over the place and can’t capitalize. Gigabyte takes a couple of nibbles at Triton’s long, heavy spinner. Triton is pivoting around, unable to center on its foe. Gigabyte moves in again and sends Triton skittering to the wall. Gigabyte surges in, knocks Triton to the side, and eats another wall. Triton is in the corner but soon finds its way out. A pass which sends Triton’s blade into the floor; Gigabyte presses the attack, and both are forcefully separated. A pretty sloppy match, and it’s most likely coming down, as we’ve often seen, which machine is slightly less ramshackle…Triton loses a couple bits and is sent across the box…and it’s stopped completely cold! Wow, that was a lot more sudden than I anticipated!
Gigabyte co-owner Derek Tran: “Well, we just beat the crap out of them, I guess.” Also, he’s 100% confident that he can reach the title match. 
He’ll learn.
Double Tap vs. Beta
Definitely “If ya can’t whup this palooka, who cans ya whup?” territory for both machines. Rose mentions that John Reid (Beta) has never won anything, and I recall that comment I made about comedians in America’s Got Talent. DT begins by veering to the left and going into the wall, and no matter how many times this happens I’ll never get used to it. 
Beta closes in and fires a very weak-looking shot. A second hit that seemed to be made with the shaft, then two more largely incidental shots. DT can’t get its spinner going, so it resorts to the tried-and-true stupidly-push-‘em-around-assault. DT leapfrogs its foe, and they disengage. DT spins up while Beta has trouble finding its footing…and Beta rushes forward and DT can’t hit anything. And a swing which misses by a mile. Well, at least it took longer than usual this time. Spirited chase by Beta. It drives forward and flips DT against a wall…fatally, as DT has no recourse from that position. Of course Beta’s driver has to take lots of gratuitous shots at the underbelly to remind us of the one time in the entire 34 season history of the Simpsons where someone reacted negatively to excessive violence. 
Deathroll vs. Slammo
Craig Danby (Slammo) is at the precipice. Much like Matt Spurk, he’s been given every chance and just can’t seem to do anything but lose. Meanwhile Team Deathroll just needs one win here to guarantee a non-losing record and take that next small step forward.
Slammo has trouble getting out of the block, and Deathroll takes the initiative, delivering a solid shot that knocks Slammo on its back. Slammo takes way too long to right, allowing Deathroll to drill it from the side…and now Slammo appears to be…yep, definitely stuck. Deathroll bumps it a couple times with the non-sharp end just to confirm that it’s toast. Another crashing failure for Slammo. I’m too depressed to even count anymore. 
Rose: What do you call a crocodile that likes to start fights? (Me: First explain to me how the hell Deathroll in any way resembles a crocodile in the first place and maybe I’ll give that a crack. 
)
Mammoth vs. Free Shipping
Battle of the Beatables. It’s been a Battlebots staple long enough that I can’t really complain. Or have any other reaction, to be honest. FS starts with lots of running around while the bulky Mammoth can’t draw a bead on it. FS finally strikes, fire blazing, and gets swatted back. More running around. A little putt from Mammoth’s club. Couple bumps from the front of FS. Another…and Mammoth’s weapon chain meekly fell off and it has no more offense and FS can now calmly snoo-snoo its way to triumph. 
(Willems: “Oh no!” 
) Eventually both of Mammoth’s wheels go splat and that is it.
Gary Gin sounds astounded that anyone would build something as big as Mammoth. I’m not sure what to make of this. Ricky Willems isn’t giving up just yet, but I can hear the frustration in his voice. Some owners handle failure better than others, but everyone has a limit.
++ Semis ++
Gigabyte vs. Deathroll
Gigabyte rams Deathroll’s front before it’s spun up and retreats. Deathroll quickly recovers and drives into the still not full speed Gigabyte, sending it wobbling upward. The moment it lands Deathroll delvers another big shot that flips it back. Deathroll pursues relentlessly and knocks Gigabyte from pillar to post (uh, that’s an old wrestling term; I thought it seemed appropriate). The thing about FBSes is that no part is any more dangerous than any other, so there’s no incentive for the opponent to not charge right in with fists blazing, and right now that’s working to Gigabyte’s detriment. Gigabyte finally gets some velocity and sends Deathroll tumbling back, but it quickly rights and gets right back in the game. Deathroll keeps the pressure on…ooh, nice dodge which sends Deathroll into the upper deck wall! But it’s only a temporary reprieve as…
…aw, crap, a big chunk of Deathroll just came off. Its handling is looking really clumsy now as it finds another wall. Then there’s a massive collision and Gigabyte is spinning in the corner…while Deathroll is inverted on the wall! And it’s righter arm can’t find anything! Now, this section of a wall has a hinge, so it can open up to release Deathroll…which drops…inverted and completely trapped! That’s a wrap, folks.
The young Gigabyte’s driver’s secret to success? “I did a little bit of practice beforehand, and then it got to the fight and then I just kind of turned my brain off.” Florian points to Rose as an expert in that regard. (5/10; fairly witty but too much kettle-pot-black-callism.)
Ohhhh boy, complication. Big one. Gigabyte caught on fire after its win before it even made it back to the garage. Co-owner Camden Wallraff explains: Deathroll hit the baseplate from the bottom, and it slammed into one of the four batteries, starting a chain reaction which took them all out. Repairs are a fact of life for this sport, but redoing the entire power system within the harsh timeframe of Champions is going to be tough.
Free Shipping vs. Beta
Beta going with the skinny hammer for this fight. FS charges right in and, despite a little chop to the top, slams Beta into the upper deck wall, then plows into it from the side. FS herds the inverted Beta around for a bit before Gin realizes its hammer isn’t firing. It twitches feebly but can’t right the bot. Fight over; Brits continue to royally underwhelm.
Reid says to Gin “Sorry it wasn’t a good fight,” a gesture which seems redundant to me at this point.
Profile of Team End Game where they reveal that they’re highly overconfident. 
++ Final ++
Free Shipping vs. Gigabyte
FS throws the first punch, knocking Gigabyte all the way to the corner. It tries to follow up, but Gigabyte is a slippery target. FS withdraws and Gigabyte spins up. Head-on shot…not a lot of force behind it. FS gives a meaningless light show. Gigabyte is full force now, FS advances…wow, even though that was a lot lower speed than the first two clashes, Gigabyte is thrown all over the box! And is now upside-down and righter-off. Jin nudges the now completely helpless Gigabyte under a clown hammer so it doesn’t feel underappreciated or whatever. After a suspiciously ridiculous amount of time, the ref finally starts counting, and this one’s in the books.
An elated Gin celebrates what is unquestionably the most success he has experienced in his career. I never was sold on Free Shipping, but after tonight it has resoundingly proven that it doesn’t belong in the bottom tier. Kudos! Pan over to Derek Tran who’s…oh dear, that’s not a good look. At least he understands what went wrong, but Gigabyte is one of those machines that just doesn’t have a high ceiling.
(Wow, bad night to be a judge, huh? 
)