I agree, there’ve been some good fights so far. I think this series as a whole is excellent. And I continue to be impressed with how classy most of the teams have been, winner and losers alike.
But Hijinx always seems outclassed to me. How did they wind up in this series?
As to the concentration on the behind the scenes labor of maintaining the machines, perhaps that’s to highlight what a tough thing this kind of tournament is, having to fight up to three rounds in one night.
Okay, yeah, it’s official, there are way too many fricking annoying chants now; “first crack in the dam” is a go. 
(I thought Rose and Florian would be it, but they’ve surprisingly regained their old form.)
CHAMPIONS 2 - SCS DAY 3
++ First round ++
Triton vs. Gigabyte
It’s always triumph or tragedy with full body spinners, and in an endurance test like Champions, tragedy always strikes at some point. We’ll see if it can at least get a better record than in season 7. Gigabyte begins its assault by veering into the upper deck wall; luckily Triton is all over the place and can’t capitalize. Gigabyte takes a couple of nibbles at Triton’s long, heavy spinner. Triton is pivoting around, unable to center on its foe. Gigabyte moves in again and sends Triton skittering to the wall. Gigabyte surges in, knocks Triton to the side, and eats another wall. Triton is in the corner but soon finds its way out. A pass which sends Triton’s blade into the floor; Gigabyte presses the attack, and both are forcefully separated. A pretty sloppy match, and it’s most likely coming down, as we’ve often seen, which machine is slightly less ramshackle…Triton loses a couple bits and is sent across the box…and it’s stopped completely cold! Wow, that was a lot more sudden than I anticipated!
Gigabyte co-owner Derek Tran: “Well, we just beat the crap out of them, I guess.” Also, he’s 100% confident that he can reach the title match. 
He’ll learn.
Double Tap vs. Beta
Definitely “If ya can’t whup this palooka, who cans ya whup?” territory for both machines. Rose mentions that John Reid (Beta) has never won anything, and I recall that comment I made about comedians in America’s Got Talent. DT begins by veering to the left and going into the wall, and no matter how many times this happens I’ll never get used to it. 
Beta closes in and fires a very weak-looking shot. A second hit that seemed to be made with the shaft, then two more largely incidental shots. DT can’t get its spinner going, so it resorts to the tried-and-true stupidly-push-‘em-around-assault. DT leapfrogs its foe, and they disengage. DT spins up while Beta has trouble finding its footing…and Beta rushes forward and DT can’t hit anything. And a swing which misses by a mile. Well, at least it took longer than usual this time. Spirited chase by Beta. It drives forward and flips DT against a wall…fatally, as DT has no recourse from that position. Of course Beta’s driver has to take lots of gratuitous shots at the underbelly to remind us of the one time in the entire 34 season history of the Simpsons where someone reacted negatively to excessive violence. 
Deathroll vs. Slammo
Craig Danby (Slammo) is at the precipice. Much like Matt Spurk, he’s been given every chance and just can’t seem to do anything but lose. Meanwhile Team Deathroll just needs one win here to guarantee a non-losing record and take that next small step forward.
Slammo has trouble getting out of the block, and Deathroll takes the initiative, delivering a solid shot that knocks Slammo on its back. Slammo takes way too long to right, allowing Deathroll to drill it from the side…and now Slammo appears to be…yep, definitely stuck. Deathroll bumps it a couple times with the non-sharp end just to confirm that it’s toast. Another crashing failure for Slammo. I’m too depressed to even count anymore. 
Rose: What do you call a crocodile that likes to start fights? (Me: First explain to me how the hell Deathroll in any way resembles a crocodile in the first place and maybe I’ll give that a crack. 
)
Mammoth vs. Free Shipping
Battle of the Beatables. It’s been a Battlebots staple long enough that I can’t really complain. Or have any other reaction, to be honest. FS starts with lots of running around while the bulky Mammoth can’t draw a bead on it. FS finally strikes, fire blazing, and gets swatted back. More running around. A little putt from Mammoth’s club. Couple bumps from the front of FS. Another…and Mammoth’s weapon chain meekly fell off and it has no more offense and FS can now calmly snoo-snoo its way to triumph. 
(Willems: “Oh no!” 
) Eventually both of Mammoth’s wheels go splat and that is it.
Gary Gin sounds astounded that anyone would build something as big as Mammoth. I’m not sure what to make of this. Ricky Willems isn’t giving up just yet, but I can hear the frustration in his voice. Some owners handle failure better than others, but everyone has a limit.
++ Semis ++
Gigabyte vs. Deathroll
Gigabyte rams Deathroll’s front before it’s spun up and retreats. Deathroll quickly recovers and drives into the still not full speed Gigabyte, sending it wobbling upward. The moment it lands Deathroll delvers another big shot that flips it back. Deathroll pursues relentlessly and knocks Gigabyte from pillar to post (uh, that’s an old wrestling term; I thought it seemed appropriate). The thing about FBSes is that no part is any more dangerous than any other, so there’s no incentive for the opponent to not charge right in with fists blazing, and right now that’s working to Gigabyte’s detriment. Gigabyte finally gets some velocity and sends Deathroll tumbling back, but it quickly rights and gets right back in the game. Deathroll keeps the pressure on…ooh, nice dodge which sends Deathroll into the upper deck wall! But it’s only a temporary reprieve as…
…aw, crap, a big chunk of Deathroll just came off. Its handling is looking really clumsy now as it finds another wall. Then there’s a massive collision and Gigabyte is spinning in the corner…while Deathroll is inverted on the wall! And it’s righter arm can’t find anything! Now, this section of a wall has a hinge, so it can open up to release Deathroll…which drops…inverted and completely trapped! That’s a wrap, folks.
The young Gigabyte’s driver’s secret to success? “I did a little bit of practice beforehand, and then it got to the fight and then I just kind of turned my brain off.” Florian points to Rose as an expert in that regard. (5/10; fairly witty but too much kettle-pot-black-callism.)
Ohhhh boy, complication. Big one. Gigabyte caught on fire after its win before it even made it back to the garage. Co-owner Camden Wallraff explains: Deathroll hit the baseplate from the bottom, and it slammed into one of the four batteries, starting a chain reaction which took them all out. Repairs are a fact of life for this sport, but redoing the entire power system within the harsh timeframe of Champions is going to be tough.
Free Shipping vs. Beta
Beta going with the skinny hammer for this fight. FS charges right in and, despite a little chop to the top, slams Beta into the upper deck wall, then plows into it from the side. FS herds the inverted Beta around for a bit before Gin realizes its hammer isn’t firing. It twitches feebly but can’t right the bot. Fight over; Brits continue to royally underwhelm.
Reid says to Gin “Sorry it wasn’t a good fight,” a gesture which seems redundant to me at this point.
Profile of Team End Game where they reveal that they’re highly overconfident. 
++ Final ++
Free Shipping vs. Gigabyte
FS throws the first punch, knocking Gigabyte all the way to the corner. It tries to follow up, but Gigabyte is a slippery target. FS withdraws and Gigabyte spins up. Head-on shot…not a lot of force behind it. FS gives a meaningless light show. Gigabyte is full force now, FS advances…wow, even though that was a lot lower speed than the first two clashes, Gigabyte is thrown all over the box! And is now upside-down and righter-off. Jin nudges the now completely helpless Gigabyte under a clown hammer so it doesn’t feel underappreciated or whatever. After a suspiciously ridiculous amount of time, the ref finally starts counting, and this one’s in the books.
An elated Gin celebrates what is unquestionably the most success he has experienced in his career. I never was sold on Free Shipping, but after tonight it has resoundingly proven that it doesn’t belong in the bottom tier. Kudos! Pan over to Derek Tran who’s…oh dear, that’s not a good look. At least he understands what went wrong, but Gigabyte is one of those machines that just doesn’t have a high ceiling.
(Wow, bad night to be a judge, huh? 
)
Hey, they still got paid, even though all they had to do was sit & eat popcorn with the rest of us.
IMO, a pretty uninspiring bunch, though I’m glad Gin got the spot for sticking it out this long.
John Reid seems like a decent guy and a good sport, but damn, Beta is a stupid design. The skinny hammer that looks kinda like a paperclip and is about as effective is stupid squared.
Seems to me that most hammer bots aren’t very effective. It takes too long to line up a shot on a skittering opponent, and most of what they hit is well armored enough not to take much hurt from it.
I’m fairly certain that the matchmakers, on at minimum a basic visceral level, want at least a couple of hard-fought matches that go the distance. Not just to give the judges some face time (paid or not, I don’t think they want to be nonentities for a whole episode), but because the fans get to see more action. You’ll notice that you never see an obviously bottom-feeder against an opponent that’s guaranteed to absolutely wreck it. Problem is, a bot that would’ve been sent straight to the scrapyard by Tombstone, Witch Doctor, or Uppercut is still going to get resoundingly decommissioned by Beta; it’s just going to take a little longer.
I explained the problem with hammerers in the '20/'21 thread: To do any real damage, you have to punch through the target, not just hit the surface. Which is a very dangerous setup to put in any hammerer, because if it misses…which, as we’ve seen, is a very frequent occurrence…it’s hitting the ground and throwing itself completely out of whack, possibly damaging itself as well. Any bot that’s not a clunker should have absolutely no trouble besting a hammerer, and yet they keep managing to not throw up over themselves enough to stick around. There’s a pretty good chance Shatter is going to outlast Hijinx, Kraken, and Blip. That would be wild.
Live watch comments for October 26 (no spoilers, just overall impressions):
First bout: Expected winner by decision, but neither bot was very impressive, lots of feinting, skittering around, some handling issues for one bot, hits mostly ineffective, some damage but nothing to write home about. I’ll be surprised if the winner makes it to the final round.
Second bout: Better action, back and forth control, one weapon put out of action; minibot wasn’t totally useless; some meaningless smoke; unanimous decision.
Posting this now while I go make a cuppa tea.
I still don’t understand Mammoth. Because of the weight limit, size just isn’t really that much of an advantage. They’re basically an attrition-bot and as I’ve expressed in previous BB threads I just don’t respect that strategy. I applaud how far they’ve managed to get, but let’s face it they’re never ever going to win anything significant. They’re cannon fodder, but because they’re popular (and the also previously discussed dearth of a “middle class” in the sport) they are always going to get invited into the competition.
Third bout: Aggressive start by both; good early hits – oh, oh, one bot’s reduced to crab walking but weapon’s still running strong; other bot’s able to move but weapon’s died, now moving poorly too; decision time! And it’s unanimous.
Fourth bout: Lifter versus lifter; slow start; one bot now clearly dominating, but wait, some smoke; no, okay, and off to the judges. This decision should be easy – and so it was.
And that’s the end of the first round.
Second round, first bout: Good, hard hits; one bot’s taken control, other’s struggling; oh boy, now it’s getting hurt bad – now, wow, slammed across the floor into oblivion. First fight of the night not to go to the judges.
Second second-round bout: Maneuvering; hits, hits, interesting use of minibot – weapon drive chain gone! But the other bot’s got wheel damage and is crab walking. What will the judges say?
Aha! A split decision! I tend to agree on the winner but could see it going the other way.
And now it’s on to the finals.
Cobalt is a tough bot I’ll tell you that much. Somehow made it to the end, even if it ended the match fully on fire.
Finals: Wow! Smoke and fire and helluva match!
Before I begin, I’d like to say a word about the judges, who are always under a ton of fire for reasons I’ve never understood. I made a rating scale for my opinions of the judges’ decisions, as follows:
1 - Total agreement; they completely nailed it.
2 - Might have been questionable on the margin (was a yooner, should’ve been a splitter, or vice versa), but otherwise complete agreement.
3 - Totally wrong on the margin, but the right bot clearly won, so no harm, no foul.
4 - It was pretty close, and maybe you could make a tiny case for the other bot, but on the whole I think the call was right.
5 - A complete toss-up that could’ve gone either way. I have no opinion.
6 - I thought one bot squeaked it out, but the judges (two of them, anyway) obviously saw something I didn’t, and it was really close, so I just have to defer to their professional opinion.
7 - Questionable decision. Maybe you could’ve seen it that way, but only if you weren’t paying close attention.
8 - Bad decision. Anyone can see that the wrong bot got the nod.
9 - Total robbery. An unbelievable miscarriage of justice. Someone needs to get fired for this.
A nice, wide range, isn’t it? Well, much too wide, actually, since in my entire time watching Battlebots, I have never gone higher than 5. Let me put it this way: The NFL has horrible officiating. The NHL sometimes has horrible officiating. Baseball has far more horrible officiating than a sport so dumb should ever have. Boxing? That one’s corrupt to the bone; of course you’re going to get tons of bad decisions. Battlebots does not have horrible officiating. Victories are earned. Not even the top superstars get preferential treatment.
Why? Well, part of it is that there just isn’t enough money in the sport to justify selling one’s soul (or trying to convince a driver to sell his, for that matter), but mostly, the people in this sport aren’t going to stand for it. This is their life’s passion. They pour their hearts and souls into these finely-tuned, exhaustively tested, and, might I add, expensive machines, and they’re going to pour molten lead on any judge brazen enough to rob them. On the opposite end, the producers and showrunners and matchmakers know that Battlebots doesn’t have a hundredth of the influence of the NFL and cannot laugh off endless bad press, so they are going to make damn sure that any rogue agents get disposed of with extreme prejudice. Remember how Jason Bardis just disappeared without a trace (both times)? That’s the kind of ship they’re running here.
CHAMPIONS 2 - SCS DAY 4
++ First round ++
Banshee vs. Cobalt
Banshee does counterclockwise circles while Cobalt moves slowly and pivots. Banshee is a flipper, which means that it will not survive a head-on assault on Cobalt’s mangling spinner. Cobalt manages to get briefly under its foe, but the spinner can’t find anything. And just as I write that, Banshee runs right up on Cobalt’s wedge and is smashed to the ceiling. ( Goddammit.) That hit seems to have rattled Banshee, and Cobalt capitalizes with another moon shot. Shot of Banshee driver David Small who barks “Flipper works!” which is really tempting fate if you ask me. Banshee demonstrates this functionality by flipping itself over () but quickly re-rights and avoids total embarrassment. I have to think Cobalt has this in the bag and it’s only a matter of time…
…Cobalt isn’t pressing the attack. It’s movements are tentative and it’s only getting little hits. We’ve seen destructive power from this machine before, so I figure Cobalt driver John Mladenick is just biding his time. A biggish hit, more metal off Banshee. 1:30 left. Cobalt is chewing away…AND BANSHEE FIRES BACK WITH A FLIP WITH OVERTURNS COBALT for about a tenth of a second. 
Less than a minute left…some shaky driving from Mladenick, and Banshee is able to…demonstrate how weak its flipper is.
Definitely wasn’t expecting this one to go the distance. Yooner Cobalt, obviously [1], as Banshee didn’t do much of anything, but it looked far from impressive, and we’ve seen that foreshadow defeat later in the program.
Big Dill vs. Jackpot
Both bots had markedly different designs in the past but could practically be brothers now, BD sporting two forks and a small vertical spinner, Jackpot with two forks and a funny heart-shaped spinner. Clearly the designers were trying to eliminate their past shortcomings; we’ll see how effective they were.
BD blitzes straight in and drills a still-stationary Jackpot to seemingly little effect. Jackpot makes a break for it, and BD hounds it, flipping it over. Jackpot’s cornerman makes seal noises or whatever. BD gets a fork caught in a saw notch, allowing Jackpot to strike back. BD pushes back but Jackpot slips to its right and…gets stuck there for a bit. It pulls free, taking out a belt and some red metal in the process. BD’s lost its weapon and its left side drive is ailing, and against Jackpot’s power, that’s the kiss of death. Jackpot…
…doesn’t…close…the…deal. Lots of poking and jousting and jabbing and slapping and whapping, no real damage dealt. With 1:30 left, they lock up in the middle of the box…and…just stay there for a while. Disengage, more jabbing, some smoke from BD. Jackpot reverses into the wall for whatever reason and nearly gets tagged by a clown hammer. And another lockup, and the hammer hits home this time. And now Jackpot is running all over the place, all while BD still has a fair amount of maneuverability. And BD shoves Jackpot across the box.
Weird bout. It looked for all the world like both drivers were totally winging it; I certainly didn’t see anything resembling a strategy from either driver. Jackpot has the clear edge in all three categories and gets the deserved yooner [1]. Driver Jeff Waters admits that he intended to lay on the pain but backed off, most likely to avoid damage. Rose reveals that all three judges scored it 7-4, which sits fine with Florian.
Emulsifier vs. Captain Shrederator
One of the big keys to championships in Battlebots has always been adaptability. If all a bot can do is hit really hard, it may have some success, but somewhere along the line a smart opponent is going to figure it out. That’s why the top teams continually tinker with different forks, spinner configurations, armor setups, etc. With a single high vertical spinner like Emulsifier’s, or being in constant attack mode by design as with Captain Shrederator, there just isn’t any plan B. Getting the win here and salvaging Not A Loser could be the best either can hope for.
Lots of pokes and jabs to start. CS actually has Emulsifier on its back, but it quickly gets back up. And…that was quick; Emulsifier’s left side drive is conked, while CS is having the usual CS control headaches. Emulsifier’s driver goes “C’mon Brian!” thus satisfying this episode’s bad sportsmanship quota. CS suddenly has become extremely tentative. The ref demands some kind of engagement, and anytime you hear “hoi hakkeyoi” in robot combat, that’s a very bad sign. Another swipe by CS. And more pawing. Aaaaaand there it is, CS has stopped spinning. Honestly, you can set your damn watch by it. Emulsifier immediately capitalizes by making as many as four scratches on CS’ body. Nabe announces “Another minute”, and…yeah, why the hell not just skip to that point; I’m too depressed to do anything else. Something beats nothing; yooner Emulsifier [1].
Lucky vs. Overhaul
Florian decries Overhaul’s grabber design as a relic. If relegation is actually a thing (and I stress that I’ve yet to see any evidence of this), Charles Guan could be heading for a swan song. Slow approach to begin. Lucky catches Overhaul’s back but the flipper can’t reach. Brief chase. Tentative pawing shot by Lucky to no effect. And another. Guan: “I see you! I see what you’re doing!” 
Dude, it’s a flipper; it’s not full of mysteries like Defender. Lucky gets briefly under but the flipper whiffs to the left. Finally! Overhaul’s trapped against the wall! FLIP…some height. (And it takes a clown hammer in response, big whoop.) Overhaul’s having trouble moving. Lucky gets it up, then up again on the upper deck, which I think should count as a field goal, whatever that’s worth in this sport. Nothing interesting happens for the remainder of the fight, during which I think Overhaul actually had negative offense. Yooner Lucky [1]. Guan remains adamant in his loyalty to the lifter design, and the word “Quixotic” comes to mind, not to mention “fragged”.
++ Semis ++
Emulsifier vs. Cobalt
Emulsifier is going without the front wedge in other to get more offense out of the spinner. Agree with Florian that it’s a big gamble. Someone in the Emulsifier box holds up a whiteboard saying “forks are for eating”, because we all know how bear-poking hubris never backfires.
Maneuvering. Emulsifier gets to Cobalt’s left and takes a few bites. Cobalt goes after Emulsifier’s left front, knocking off a bit of steel. Emulsifier goes into the upper deck wall. I swear, that deck has been an idiot trap more than anything else for its entire existence. Someone in the Emulsifier box goes “C’mon John ya get the mack dress!” or whatever. Lots of passes, and another sliver falls off of Emulsifier. Something green is on the floor too, but Cobalt still has all its forks. Uh oh, uh oh, here it is! BIG SHOT…okay, not that big, but something round is now on the floor, quickly determined to be Emulsifier’s left side tread. Emulsifier immediately betrays major handling problems, even getting its spinner into the floor. Now the right side tread is off; Emulsifier is basically running on rubber bands. The final blow come soon after, Cobalt launching Emulsifier inverted into the corner. Yeah, I suppose forks are for eating, given how Cobalt totally ate your lunch. 
Lucky vs. Jackpot
Lucky runs into Jackpot from the left but can’t get in position to flip. Running around, no offense. Lucky, apparently frustrated, goes after Jackpot’s minibot and of course whiffs because it’s so low…which allows Jackpot to rush in and attack from the left. Lucky gives chase and comes up short. The minibot, which has surprising torque, muscles Lucky into the corner; Jackpot tries to attack but can’t find room. Escape, scramble. Finally Lucky gets something going by knocking Jackpot over. Oh dear, we’ve seen this story before; the weapon chains fell off of Jackpot and it’s spinner is now an undersized bludgeon. Lucky pushes ahead, getting Jackpot on the upper deck, which, as always, is an outstanding tactic because it’s completely impossible to follow up. Jackpot descends; Lucky charges and gets completely under it, and after one clown hammer harassment…they’re deadlocked. Lucky, after a long wait, fires. And a second, and Lucky smokes a bit. Lucky’s left side drive is done…but what can Jackpot do with no weapon? As it turns out, nothing…and that’s how this one ends.
And now the judges get a tough one. This is a fifty-percent-plus-one call if ever there was one. It’s a splitter! Davis - Lucky, Young - Jackpot, Winter…Jackpot! [5] Jeff Waters admits that it was a tough battle. Marc Demers puts in succinctly: “In Vegas, sometimes you hit the Jackpot, sometimes the Jackpot hits you.”
The three final day bye teams have words.
Profile of Mark Condrackian and his unique designs. Quick look at Stalker, his new prototype five-legged bot. It’s amazingly nimble, and, as he demonstrates, highly sturdy as well. Not sure how effective it’s going to be as a fighter, but it looks like a lot of fun! 
++ Final ++
Jackpot vs. Cobalt
Cautious maneuvering. Cobalt…very stupidly turns its back for no reason I could determine, and Jackpot cheerfully takes the free shot. 
(and again ) Lots of smoke ensues; so much, in fact, that Rose should at least consider the obvious Spy Hunter reference, dammit. Now Cobalt has caught on fire and is stuck on Jackpot. Jackpot reverses, reverses, reverses, then finally gets the brilliant idea to go in the correct direction, and finally manages to shake Cobalt off. Cobalt incredibly manages to hang tough for a few more seconds, but with such a massive fire with so much time left there’s no saving it.
Well, as any gambler knows, luck runs hot and cold, and the streaky Jackpot definitely got the hot side tonight. Jeff Waters is soaring, clearly not expecting to have won the day. John Mladenick admits that he got distracted by the minibot, a fatal blunder. Man, this is, no exaggeration, the most impact I have ever seen a minibot have. Take note, Team Skorpios!
Well, would you look at that, four total agreements and one coin flip on the decisions. The judges are fine. Leave them alone. Geez.
Still not seeing a match for End Game, Tantrum, or Sawblaze, but there are a couple possible spoilers in the day 5 field. I’m anticipating more excitement than we’ve had in days 3 and 4.
DCnDC - I mentioned before how most of the owners are making a bot that they think has the best chance of winning, they are making their bot…their design, their dream, their fantasy, their obsession. And the producers love seeing creative, innovative, or simply weird designs If it can beat anything, it has a place here.
Rose calls this “the most stacked Slugfest lineup yet”. Given that these lineups were made, completely out of whole cloth, by a committee with no rules or standards whatsoever, one has to wonder what we really should be concluding from such a grandiose statement, eh?
CHAMPIONS 2 - SCS DAY 5
++ First round ++
Claw Viper vs. Shatter
CV, you’ll recall, is the bot that’s REALLY REALLY FAAAAAAAASSTT, with explanations as to how its design actually benefits from that arriving really, really, slowly. Shatter, you’ll recall, is largely hopeless. Ooh, complete field odds: Kenny likes Hypershock, Monsoon, and Claw Viper/Ripperoni, in that order. Inconsequential, of course, but it’s refreshing to see an announcer have opinions of who’s better than whom and not be afraid of them.
CV runs around and around and around and around and around and briefly flirts with “under” before switching back to around. Shatter energetically pounds away and manages to inflict as many as two scratches before the hammer completely craps out. CV spends the second half trying to get some kind of throw on the defanged hammerer. No success, but someone in the CV box snaps “Don’t-stop-trying!” which is the driver’s cue to clamp on and lift… itself, mostly. Yooner CV. 
Next!
Kevin Milczewski apparently thinks he has to talk as fast as CV moves.
Monsoon vs. Gruff
Circling. Monsoon closes in. Gruff, after the usual yellow-orange theatrics, sticks its forks in…and flings Monsoon clear to the upper deck screw. (Disk spinners, being hard to control in the first place, are especially vulnerable to judo moves like this.) Monsoon counterstrikes and sends Gruff tumbling across the box. It’s inverted, and Monsoon takes the opportunity to deliver a big hit. Gruff is still inverted…and…completely immobile! Monsoon paws at the doomed bot before the count comes in. Damn, that was bad. Vaunted toughness clearly not on display tonight.
Ripperoni vs. Glitch
Oh, geez. Team Glitch, you’ll recall (the links are right in the OP, go look ), is the plucky band of worldbeaters that won its first 7 matches, then lost 5 in a row, including a complete skunking in season 7. This is a squad that needs to halt the skid with a convincing win now, and it’s not likely to happen against the high-flying Rookie of the Year.
Cautious shifting to start. Glitch has those omniwheels and needs to be careful not to get overaggressive with maneuvering. First clash…just grazing contact. More pacing. It looks like both drivers are attempting to avoid weppers, which I certainly applaud…oh, Honey Nut Crunch, Glitch is having issues. This allows Ripperoni a free shot at Glitch’s back which knocks it into the corner. Glitch can still move a little but Ripperoni churns away at the top armor just behind the spinner…and Glitch’s spinner has stopped moving, just like that. Someone admonishes driver Anna Zolnikov to back off and give Glitch another chance. Glitch twitches…whereupon Ripperoni clobbers it skyward, where it lands on its top, totally powerless. Mercy ain’t what it used to be, am I right? Zolnikov doesn’t seem very excited about that drubbing, and honestly, given Glitch’s recent history, I wouldn’t be either.
Starchild vs. Hypershock
Will Bales’ wife Alex is taking over driving duties for Hypershock tonight. She has experience and hardware, so don’t underestimate her. Especially against the utterly hapless Starchild. This is Brandon Zalinksy’s next bot after P1, and boy, talk about never catching a break. Florian points out that the 3-pound version has had success, which just goes to show that there are certain designs that just don’t work at full size. There’s no shame in that, but at some point, if all a bot does is lose, the team leader needs to come to terms with reality.
Whoo, not a lot of Starchild fans in the box tonight. 
Alex goes right for the right wheel, and just like that a ton of black is on the floor. Alex then does a series of passes which don’t do much damage, but they do damage, and now its opponent is ailing badly. Hey, team Starchild! This was the problem you were supposed to fix! Alex keeps racking up sure hits, and more stuff keeps falling off of Starchild. Then she gets the idea to come blasting in while Starchild is right next to a wall, with a predictable outcome. And Hypershock is into another wall. Starchild is doing the familiar flop-flop dance on its ruined tire…and Hypershock ran into a wall…and its spinner has stopped. That’s the one thing you had to avoid, Alex! Whole lotta slow dancing ensues, during which Hypershock eats another wall and a screw. The spinner turns back on! (Which is kinda important to win the damage category, as you no doubt remember.) Alex pushes ahead and…parks right on top of a saw notch, which promptly punishes her foolishness. All right, they do chip damage at most, but don’t give your enemy any freebies, all right?
Hypershock with a clear yooner, of course, but this was a very curious fight from Alex. Plenty of easily avoidable mistakes, and she fortunate that Starchild is all but an automatic win. In fact, given that this is her big Battlebots debut, I really have to wonder. She claims ring rust, and I guess we’ll have to leave it at that.
(Yeah, real murderers’ row tonight, Rose… )
++ Semis ++
Hypershock vs. Claw Viper
Scrambling. CV hits Hypershock head-on and pays the price; there’s already something red on the floor. CV gets under Hypershock and carries it, but just briefly. Hypershock turns and meets CV’s grappler arm; not a big impact, but it took the tip off. CV keeps maneuvering and manages to catch Hypershock’s side, driving it all the way to the wall and pinning it. Of course, this show of dominance can only last for…ten seconds now? Yow. CV is forced to break off, and Hypershock smashes it halfway across the box. And another hit! And…it gets side-wheeled for a moment, allowing CV to scoop it up and deposit it on the upper deck. That’s always been the frustrating thing about the Baleses: strong on offense but leave themselves open to counterattacks all the time. CV drives it back as it tries to descend…oh, this is trouble, its right front tire is wobbly, to the point where it has trouble finding the space between the corner posts. CV inexplicably charges head on yet again, and a certain Albert Einstein quote comes to mind. 
Hypershock gets turned around, and CV grabs it on the right…but now its lifter parts are too banged up to finish the job.
1:30 left, and Alex seems to have found the way: instead of constantly charging in, she’s going to try to read CV’s movements and intercept it. And…it’s working! Hypershock gets two solid hits and a few more chips to the lifter arm. CV is sent upward…then across the box. Lockup, and CV loses a claw… 
Wow, that was some serious height! Well, it took a while, but Hypershock is now firmly in control of this match; CV has just lost too much of itself to turn it around. Milczewski crows about CV still being alive and taunts Bales (Bad sportsmanship! It’s bad sportsmanship! ), which now makes it an absolute stone-cold lead-pipe cinch that he’s going to lose a dismal yooner.
Can I call ‘em or what? 
Alex seems overwhelmed with her early success, while Will is giggling like a schoolgirl. Slightly immature reactions aside (and the announcers are definitely not helping), Alex is now guaranteed to leave her first event with a winning record, which is just great. In my lifetime I’ve seen so many great female hopes fall flat…Manon Rheaume, Layla Ali, Annika Sorenstam, Danica Patrick. As someone who’s never gotten a microsoupcon of benefit from established dominant power structures, especially the patriarchy, it depresses me when someone tries to defy tyrannical status quo and fails. Alex Bales is the real deal, and any success she has here can be nothing but a good thing, not just for Battlebots but sports in general.
Ripperoni vs. Monsoon
Just a reminder: Ripperoni uses a stabilizer to keep it planted; if the opponent can take that out, that’s going to do serious harm to its controllability. After a little indecision, both drivers decide to go for…wait for it…a wepper, which leaves Monsoon planted and Ripperoni spinning backwards. Monsoon follows up with a quick jab, then grinds to the left of Ripperoni’s spinner. Yeah, I’m thinking someone made a tactical error here. Ripperoni flees; Monsoon charges in but misses left. Ripperoni gets squared, it’s another wepper…and Monsoon’s booted to the corner. (Don’t you just love Newton’s Third Law? ) Ripperoni tries to follow up but misses everything. Oh boy, Monsoon’s on fire…briefly, and it looks like both bots are having control issues, but Ripperoni definitely has the upper hand now. Lots of creeping, side wheeling, and annoying gibberish from the Monsoon camp. Finally Ripperoni commits with another wepper; Monsoon is first knocked back, then upended, then thrown onto its back when its blade hits the box. I’m pretty sure it’s done, and yep. Ripperoni hangs back, satisfied at a job passably done.
Today has been dominated by raw power and questionable control, and we all know what power is nothing without. To be brutally honest, I think Whiplash or Free Shipping could’ve beaten this field simply by outlasting it. The final looks like a complete toss-up.
++ Final ++
Hypershock vs. Ripperoni
Little bump and run to start. Hypershock goes after Ripperoni’s left and flips it over. And its right side drive, along with Ripperoni’s left side drive immediately, goes from “functional” to “functionalish”. We’re like 10 seconds in and we’re at the “just waiting for it to be over” stage of the fight. Ripperoni gets a lucky shot which sends Hypershock flying, and I’m pretty sure that just iced it. Florian brings up the possibility of a saimin. After a bunch of trying to do something, Ripperoni chews of a piece of Hypershock’s left rear wheel, and this one’s definitely over. (Also, Rose definitely needs to switch to decaf. ) A couple more bitty chips from Ripperoni.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this was exactly what everyone didn’t want to happen. The announcers cling desperately to the horse race narrative to the very end, but anyone with half a brain knows that Ripperoni’s taking this one. Yooner (
) Ripperoni.
If Alex Bales couldn’t have won the day, I’m fine with Anna Zolnikoff leaving as the indomitable phenom. I have zero reason to believe that Ripperoni is going to take the Giant Bolt, but this is a team with a great attitude that has a ton of fun and has accomplished an amazing in amount in a very short amount of time. Don’t be surprised if they’re adding to their Rookie of the Year trophy two or three years from now.
And the final day is set! I’m not seeing a challenger to End Game, Ripperoni, or Sawblaze, are you?
Well! That was an interesting set of bouts last night. No spoiler to say that one of my favorites had an unforced and fatal error – a wheel coming off all by itself?!?
I continue to admire the passion and good sportsmanship of so many teams.
I’m looking forward to @DKW’s writeup.
Agreed, there were two very close decisions/bad beats but everyone, winners and losers, were good sports.
(I would’ve finished this sooner, but my VOD menu put this below the other episodes for some weird reason. Didn’t realize this until about 5 PM.)
Tauheed sounds more amped up in the intro today.
CHAMPIONS 2 - FINAL DAY
“Blood,” Florian? I know grossly overstating your sport’s level of violence goes back to at least the founding of UFC, but let’s not get crazy here.
++ First round ++
Free Shipping vs. End Game
Oh man…Gary Gin knows that even if he wins this, it only gets harder from here, so he’s just going to go all out and pray like hell for the best. FS charges right in and blasts EG head-on. It drives forward, showing superior torque, and puts EG in an upper deck screw. Flame on, back off for another charge, and slam into EG; less force this time. EG pushes back, ooh, nice hit…and FS’ left wedge just came flying off. EG tries to capitalize, putting the spinner into the freshly vacated gap, and knocking FS over. FS withdraws and makes a couple more charges; these just bounce harmlessly off EG’s wedgelets. EG strikes back again, and that was FS’ left rear tire that just took a hike. And that’ll do it as FS grinds to a total halt.
Well, credit Gin for using the only strategy that wasn’t 100% guaranteed to fail. He leaves Vegas with a 3-1 record and renewed confidence going into season 8. He’s…choked up? Curious, but I won’t speculate.
Shreddit Bro vs. Sawblaze
SB gets caught up on something, allowing Sawblaze to zip in from the left, scoop it up, put it into the wall, and…here it comes…get a nice hard shot with the hammersaw. Sawblaze has by far the most effective swinging weapon in the sport, so SB can’t take too many more blows like this. SB tries to attack head on but just bounces off, and Sawblaze slips around it from the left to take it in the back. It drives SB to the wall; I briefly saw flames. Sawblaze drives forward again, putting SB over the wall. As SB tries to rejoin, Sawblaze catches its back yet again and sticks the saw squarely into its battery case. A flood of smoke pours out and soon becomes so thick that neither driver can see anything. SB’s driver politely requests Jamison Go to get the bots to a clear area, whereupon he replies that he doesn’t know which way Sawblaze is facing. (That’s one of the more…let’s say humorous moments of Battlebots. At least good sportsmanship isn’t dead.) Sawblaze finally finds daylight and rides SB around…and around…and around…uh oh. Rose reminds us of the match against Hypershock that got stopped when the blade got hopelessly stuck, and the same appears to have happened here. The crew can’t safely go in the box with all the smoke, so unless SB can break free somehow, this one’s being put to bed early. Which…as it…turns…out…is exactly what happens.
Half a knockout is better than none: yooner Sawblaze. If it ever gains the ability to tear the saw out and leave a gaping hole in the opponent, it’s going to be unstoppable.
Jackpot vs. Whiplash
Jackpot’s minibot Ace was the real star of the show on day 4, and that is never a good sign. I just want something, anything, to take it out. Moving and shaking to start. A little clash…and that just took out Whiplash’s right front tire. Matt Vasquez doesn’t use the lifter arm. Ace is super annoying. A few small shots by Jackpot. Vasquez isn’t using the lifter arm. Vasquez…oh crap. The lifter arm is dead. So now Whiplash has no weapon and at most 3/4 maneuverability, turning this into a romp for Jackpot. You’d think. Jackpot gets absolutely handled for nearly the entire match and can barely put weapon on target. Hell, Ace had to come to its rescue more than once! Jackpot is looking like a total bum in there, getting shoved from pillar to post and carving up more of the floor than its opponent.
Whoever wins this slopfest is going to get ruined in semis. Splitter: Young - Whiplash, Winter - Jackpot, Davis - Jackpot. The hometown BS run continues.
Tantrum vs. Ripperoni
Lots of circling from Tantrum. Ripperoni quickly pivots to keep up, not giving it an easy shot at anything vulnerable. Dillon Carey is a smart, patient driver who knows exactly what his machine can and can’t do; he’s not going to blithely run into his opponent’s weapon. And it pays off…far sooner than anticipated as Ripperoni’s left wheel, untouched, flies off. Ripperoni driver Frederick Moore can’t believe it. Ripperoni dances like a ballerina, but it’s only a matter of time before Tantrum finds an opening. And there it is, to the back, under…little tap. Tantrum gets under, and Ripperoni’s catches its blade into a floor and gets knocked around. Then again, and much more humiliation this time. Ripperoni looks completely hapless now. Tantrum can’t get the big finisher, but Carey’s more than happy to watch Ripperoni keep beating itself up. Convincing yooner for Tantrum, which they’ll take any day.
++ Semis ++
Sawblaze vs. Tantrum
Oh yeah, NOW we have a fight! Sawblaze easily scoops up the diminutive Tantrum, which narrowly avoid a clown hammer. Sawblaze is moving Tantrum around, seemingly sizing up the perfect shot (only have 10 seconds!). Oh, it’s a shot from the hammersaw immediately followed by the clown hammer…not much damage, but it looked pretty! 
One more hit lands before Tantrum squirts free. Tantrum scrambles for a while, but Sawblaze traps it against an upper deck screw and takes another bite. Sawblaze briefly loses its foe but shoves it against a screw…backs off…and advances to take another shot. Oh, and a tire is smoking and an armor plate on the right is off… Tantrum is pretty tough for its size but needs to find some offense. More maneuvering. Tantrum drives forward and gets its first hit of any kind of the match, then a second. Sawblaze tries to corral it, but Tantrum surges forward, gets under, and chews it up from below! How many times have we seen a bot get completely dominated in the first half and then just completely turn it around? Uh oh, not quite; Sawblaze wraps it up and puts in on the upper deck…and it slips right back down. (Geez, at least take a free shot! ) Sawblaze does take a swing, then drive Tantrum into the corner and takes another. Now something is definitely very loose on Tantrum…it looks all but over. Tantrum is stopped. Sawblaze swings…and completely misses, knocking itself over, AND IT’S IMMOBILE!! 
This is completely insane! Jameson Go has just committed the biggest blunder of…
And Rose is screaming his head off, which absolutely no one needs ever. The official word comes in, saved by the 
Sawblaze yooner. You know what, I’m anticipating an End Game romp in the final so in the grand scheme this doesn’t mean too much, but I never want a match decided by ticky-tack buzzer-beater shenanigans. This sport doesn’t need that crap. I’m all in favor of a the officials using their good judgment so a bot that’s very clearly toast can be declared the loser even if the ref was .01 second too slow starting the damn count. Anyway, it’s a splitter: Winter - Sawblaze, Davis - Tantrum, Young - Sawblaze. Forget fifty percent plus one, this was fifty percent plus one quintillionth. Go, to his credit, is dispassionate in his postfight analysis. Ginger Schmidt and Alex Grant put on a brave face. Let’s be honest, Tantrum never had much of a chance against End Game (as we’ve seen twice already), but it sucks to have victory snatched away like this. Here’s to a dominating season 8, which looks pretty likely.
End Game vs. Jackpot
Wait, am I talking like EG’s already won this? Let’s see if my, ahem, pretense is justified. Jackpot sweeps to the left and runs up against EG’s wedgelets. Both slip to the left and grind away with their spinners. Ace, which has displayed a suspicious amount of power, pushes EG around and gets under. Jackpot looks like it has a free shot…but its spinner suddenly stopped working. And Ace runs into Jackpot, which Florian takes immediate offense to. EG squares up, runs at Jackpot, and sends it fleeing into the corner before delivering two solid hits. EG lost a wedgelet but presses the attack, not giving Jackpot any room to breathe. And…whoa. EG delivers Ace the first freaking damage it’s received the whole freaking event, which instantly puts it out of commission, and then it knocks Jackpot on its side, where it quietly curls up and dies.
Jeff Waters: “We were good, they were lucky.” Yeah, lucky that you’re so good at coming up short. Geez.
So all four SCS hopefuls get stomped by the three champs. Wow, it’s like having to get repaired three times in one day puts a bot at a disadvantage or something. At least Witch Doctor only had to come back from a single match.
Championship preview. Uh, Go, I know you’re totally pumped and all, but the Golden Bolt is not in any way better than the Giant Nut. Little perspective.
Hall of fame inductions: Mark Setrakian (Glad I got to see the banner so I could get the spelling right! ) and Marc Thorpe.
===CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH=== End Game vs. Sawblaze
Sawblaze jumps out, then stops; EG inches forward. They clash, and Sawblaze drives EG all the way to and over a screw, then drops the hammersaw. EG extricates itself and tries to counter, but both bots’ long forks are keeping each other at bay and the spinner can’t find anything. Sawblaze swings again and comes up short. Sawblaze is shoving EG around; EG grapples more tightly but still hasn’t scored a hit. EG disengages, and both bots make tight turns. Suddenly EG advances and the spinner throws Sawblaze upward. Sawblaze takes EG from the left and drives to the wall. The hammersaw drops, and a couple of EG’s wedgelets look loose. Sawblaze pushes again, and some foolishness from the clown hammer. EG gets a couple more shots; still no serious damage on Sawblaze. More hits…and EG is on the attack! Sawblaze is tumbling, out of control. The hits keep on coming…and now EG is pushing Sawblaze back. EG puts Sawblaze on the upper deck, to which driver Jack Barker says “Om yock jell.” Or “Um wock chaill.” Or “Oom nut jaywull.” (Who do I petition about putting subtitles on this show? This is seriously getting annoying.)
Rose and Florian play the good soldier card to the very end, but there’s no denying it: domination and a few love taps loses to smacking the opponent around like a soccer ball any day. It’s…a splitter, which Go, of all people, is surprised at. Young - Sawblaze. Davis - End Game. Winter…End Game. (For anyone who cares…I’d say there’s at least a 20% chance that at least one person does …that was a 3 on my decision rating scale.)
Naturally Rose has to immediately dump a bucket of liquid nitrogen on Team End Game’s triumph with the predictable stupid brainless moron “We’re you NEEERRRRRVOUSSS when you heard it was a SUHHHPLEEEETTTT DESSSESSZHZHUUNNNN, HMMMAMGAIGMAGMMAGKM???” question 
, but Nick Mabey is too elated right now to care. He give Sawblaze props for being a tough opponent. Jack Barker is just glad to come out on top a second time. On to Jameson Go, whom Rose asks if he wants to appeal the decision (which, honestly, I would have absolutely no problem with). But like a true class act, he declines an appeal because he thinks the decision was correct. That’s…that’s just awesome. 
To catch a once-in-a-lifetime break only to finish 2nd has to be a colossal gut punch, but a mature adult understands that wasting everyone’s time isn’t going to make it better.
So End Game is a back-to-back Golden Bolt champion, and without a whole lot of drama. It was simply better than everything else. Even after Sawblaze was pushing it around I never thought that the outcome was much in doubt. The strange thing is, I’m not seeing any one thing it’s amazing at; it’s not the hardest hitting, or the toughest, or the fastest, or the nimblest. But something about the way it’s designed makes it really hard to overcome. This is definitely a case of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts, and that may very well be why this bot is flying high while similarly simple ideas like Duck and Chomp are in the scrapheap of history. To put it another way, this bot isn’t scary, it just keeps finding ways to win, and that’s what makes it scary.
And that’ll do it for Battlebots ’23! Presumably! I really hope I have a handle on this scheduling now!
This series was so much fun! Even the less than stellar bouts had their moments.
When’s the next season going to start?
Oops, looks like we’re not quite done…Vengeance in Vegas 2 just got uploaded to the YouTube Battlebots channel! Now with lots of cheesy effects to make the matches seem more exciting than they actually are! As far as I can tell, it’s a slate of “silly season” matchups the producers didn’t think were worthy of a normal event. Just a fun, breezy exhibition never to be taken too seriously.
All righty!
Rusty vs. Hydra - If there’s any remaining purpose to Rusty’s existence other than making other bots look not completely horrible, I’m unaware of it. I’m pretty sure at this point even Dave Eaton’s getting tired of losing all the time. Completely predictable; Hydra tosses Rusty around, saves it once because there’s gotta be some semblance of action, flips it around some more, count, yawn.
Mammoth vs. Terrortops - Terrortops showed some potential with wins over Dragon King and Slammo in season 7. It’s much too soon to call it a contender, but it’s shown no trouble taking out the bottom feeders of the sport. Of which Mammoth, sadly, has become one. Match went pretty much how you’d expect, Terrortops pounding away, including a couple pretty throws for good measure, and Mammoth looking worse and worse (in every sense of the world). Predictable yooner for the yellow dino.
Gruff vs. Slammo - Gruff is…a hammerer for this one. Aw, geez. Dunno what anyone was thinking. The only drama here was whether Slammo would do a “suplex” that accomplished jack bupkis, or fail to do a “suplex” that accomplished jack bupkis (it was the latter, for the record). Gruff, despite finding the mark numerous times, failed to make so much as a single dent in its foe, which should prove the folly of hammerers beyond any shadow of doubt. I’ve had pairs of glasses more damaged than Slammo. Another case of next to nothing prevailing over nothing to nothing: yooner Gruff. Please let this be the only time.
Deathroll vs. Rotator - Deathroll lost its weapon almost immediately, so the only real question was how much time Victor Soto wanted to waste not finishing the job. Answer: A flipping lot. Finally seals the stoppage with 18 seconds to spare.
Double Tap vs. Quantum - Lessee…DT has a cross-shaped spinner with what appears to be a bunch of cosmetic doodads that are just going to unbalance it, whereas Quantum…bites its opponents. The whole match is like an enactment of the Itchy and Scratchy theme song at about 1/10th speed. In the process DT jettisons most of its spinner, and that’s it for its chances. Quantum’s keeps the party going nearly the rest of the way but finally relents, and the count ends with just 4 seconds left.
Lucky vs. Beta - I’ll give Team Beta credit. These Brits have great attitudes and, win or lose, always look like they’re having a jolly old time in the Battlebox. Given all the truly abysmal sportsmanship I’ve seen over the past couple of years, that’s almost refreshing. Lucky plays kick-the-can for pretty much the entire match, taking only a couple meaningless bumps in response, before leaving Beta helplessly stranded against a wall. Stoppage with 38 seconds left.
Kraken vs. Skorpios - Battle of sawers! (Damn, I am really getting tired of these phony-baloney breaking glass effects.) Ending when Kraken gets machinehanded all the way over a screw and gets hopelessly stuck. Stoppage with 1:52 left. The pain never seems to end for Matt Spurk.
Overhaul vs. Doomba (CHAINSAW FIGHT!) - This should be every bit as thrilling as last year’s chair fight. I’ve had Swiss Army knives with more cutting power. In a stunning twist, Overhaul loses its right side drive before the fight even begins, which means…yes!..we can look forward to Doomba losing its weapon almost immediately AFTER the ugghhblblghbgll. 
The whole experience is kind of like two extremely drunk Japanese businessmen repeatedly trying to bow to each other while wearing heavy backpacks and on rollerblades. Eventually Overhaul’s says the hell with it, grabs the opponent, and lifts it high into the air, and the smart move would be to just keep it there for as long as the ref’s willing to put up with it. The match has passed the two minute mark, which means more of the same but we get to hear the “kill” “saws” make a little noise. Well, I sure hope that was fun for somebody. Overhaul clinched the control category but lost some of its tires in the process, so it’s no surprise that this is a splitter. 1. Doomba 2. Overhaul 3. Doomba. Fifty percent plus whatever wins the day.
Malice vs. Captain Shrederator - Outwit, outplay, outlast. Mostly the third thing. Brian Nabe looks reluctant to make contact, which is not good for a full body spinner driver. After the first clash, his fears are justified as CS completely stops spinning. Bunny Soriel immediately pounces by tentatively jabbing at CS in hopes that it’ll just crap out, which, given its history, is actually a pretty sound strategy. Surprisingly CS survives the poka-poka-poka assault, but it’s moot: yooner Malice.
Bloodsport vs. Big Dill - This actually promised to be a pretty good match provided that what didn’t happen in the first 30 seconds happened, which is one of them losing its weapon, that being BD. So Bloodsport, with a big, whirling spinner and free reign to go on the attack…ends up doing more damage to itself than its opponent. I know standards are pretty low in the silly season, but come on. And then the spinner craps out, so we have one bot with one mangled fork and no spinner and another bot with no mangled fork and no spinner. Bloodsport catching on fire is just the icing on the cake. Man, that definitely seemed longer than it actually was. For a while I thought Bloodsport had it in the bag, but it just gave up way too much down the stretch for me to give it the nod. The judges concur: yooner Big Dill.
So, if it’s going to be a loooooong time before the next serious competition, is this enough Battlebots to feed the addiction in the meantime?
If you’re a fan of hard-hitting pulse-pounding combat, this isn’t it. If you’re a fan of unremarkable YouTube videos, well, there’s certainly never any shortage of those. Me, I just take the action as it comes. (The end of the Hollywood strikes helps a lot in that regard.)