Dad: Steve mow the grass today
Steve: How come Debbie never has to mow the grass.
Dad: Debbie has other chores
Steve: She doesn’t have any chores as hard as mowing the lawn.
Dad: Well son once she starts having babies she will make up for her easy childhood.
Steve: Ok
Me: Here’s your coat, it’s cold out today.
Kid: I don’t wanna----
Me: OK, let’s go.
30 seconds later before we make it into the car…
Kid: I’m cooooooooold!
Me: Why is that?
Kid: 'Cause it’s coooooooold.
Me: Uh-huh. I hate it when I don’t wear my coat and then I get cold.
(silence)
One time per kid. My son, bless his heart, was even kind enough to bring his sister’s coat with us, 'cause he knew what was coming. He’s nicer than I am.
Lucky you. My kids apparently don’t get cold, either of them. Because at thirteen and fourteen, I’m still telling them to put on a coat, and they have seldom regretted their decision not to wear one.
So why make them wear one?
Thank you for saying what I was saying much more nicely than I was managing to put it together. I think a lot (though not all, or even most) of “age-appropriate” explanations are really “bullshit kids will accept”, and it’s better to say "You’ll have to trust me on this’ than to give a reason that’s simplified to inaccuracy. I am just really, really sensitive about lying to kids, and while I recognize that the line is really blurry at times, my personal preference is to err on the side of honest, even if that means not explaining on occasion.
Hon, I didn’t know you were a doper. 
Gosh, 7 year olds can out-Cochran any lawyer.
I had all kind of lofty goals on rearing my children when I didn’t have one, one of those goals was to never lie to them, the other was to never say “cause I say so” (or some variant of that). I have never lied to my daughter (I give her the RD’s version of things), but I have told her “cause I say so” (in other words) many a time to avoid lying to her or jumping off the balcony in desperation.
My daughter is pretty good at reasoning for a 7 year old, I am lucky, but sometimes it isn’t a good time for an honest explanation, and sometimes she just wants me to say yes and no amount of explaining is going to change her mind. At that point I know I am just wearing off my tongue for nothing.
One must remember that, above all, our job consist on not killing our own offsprings.
Child: “Can I go to the park?”
Mother: “No.”
Child: “Why not?”
Mother: “Because you have gotten a PhD five years ago and you have to look for work.”
Sometimes he (the sprog is a boy) just wants to hear no because he knows it’s a lousy choice; he’s just arguing for the sport of it or because he’s too damn stubborn to back down. “Because I said so” accomplishes that pretty quickly.
And as Manda JO and doreen pointed out, there may be information that the child doesn’t need to know. He doesn’t need to know that he can’t visit Mr. Smith up the street because Mr. Smith is a registered sex offender whose tastes ran to little boys. He doesn’t need to know that his friend’s parents are divorcing because his mother is an active alcoholic who spends most of her time drunk. He just needs to know that he can’t go to Mr. Smith’s house and that his friend may need a little more TLC than usual to get through a rough time. It’s OK to gloss over the details in pursuit of a higher purpose.
QFT.
I think that there are times with kids where “because I said so” is appropriate and other times when an explanation is appropriate.
“Because I said so” needs to be understood at the outset, however. As the adult, I am the authority figure and if I say something, then that is the end of it, and it’s not up for discussion or debate.
Once that is established if the child really wants to know a reason behind my decision, I will gladly explain. That’s part of any child’s learning process. If I detect that they are playing “little lawyer” as discussed above in an attempt to thread the needle by finding a flaw in my reasoning, that gets dealt with more harshly and the “because I said so” needs to be reinforced.
As others mentioned above, in an emergency situation, I need the child to obey me *right now! If she is about to fall off a cliff, my instruction to step back needs to be complied with, not debated.
Lucky you that one time per kid worked. Because mine certainly do get cold, yet still fight not to wear their coats.
“Do you remember last time, you didn’t wear a coat, and complained you were freezing?”
(either)
“That never happened!”
(or)
“That won’t happen this time!”
I do not remember the head shrinker term for it, though in short it means that you either felt yourself superior or the other person inferior - which explains why they cannot offer a ‘reason’ or sufficient retort.
I am ..admittedly not surprised you thought like this at all - maybe it explains a lot of your views on things now?
For all the confused out there this is how parenting goes:
“Put your jacket on”
“No”
…silence a moment while you continue doing what you were doing
“Got that jacket on yet?”
"NO!
spank/discipline etcetc
“That jacket looks warm doesn’t it?!”
“Yes ma’am…”
Solved.
If it doesn’t work for you, you’ve already failed at raising them, try having some more.
My mom used to say “BECAUSE I’M THE MOTHER AND YOU’RE THE CHILD!!”
Drove me f’in nuts because it made me, an only child who was raised to be very independent, feel powerless. 
Well (from the parents pov) if you liked your situation in life and had no reason to change it, when are you going to move out of the house? 
But why?
No reason.
But you were, and should have been powerless to overrule your mother’s instructions. Do you disagree? Should you have been able to approach the matter as equals and negotiate?
As I said, I have no problem at all explaining my reasoning to my daughter so long as she is sincerely looking for the reason. It is, IMHO, two-fold:
-
You need to obey your mother because she is your mother.
-
Your mother should provide reasons at the appropriate time so you understand why she makes her decisions.
Addendum to #2: If the child abuses #2 then the child needs to refresh her knowledge of rule #1 before she proceeds to rule #2.
People seem to be confusing “explaining reasons to a child” with “reasoning with a child”.
I’ve never said “because I said so” to my kids. It’s a crap answer. If you can’t explain the reason behind what you’re ordering your kids to do, then maybe you shouldn’t be ordering them to do it.
“Be quiet back there!”
“Why?”
“Because you’re distracting me and I need to pay attention to driving.”
Note that this is not an invitation to a discussion about what constitutes distraction. It’s explanation of why the demand is being made. It’s piggybacking a teachable moment on top of a direct order. I’m telling you that you need to be quiet right now, and I’m also explanation why I’m doing it so that maybe next time you won’t have to be told.
Here’s a better way:
“Put your jacket on.”
“No.”
“Do you want to wear it or carry it?”
“Carry it.”
Solved.
Most of the time you can avoid escalating to discipline by redirecting opposition into choices that don’t matter.
I also advocate the ‘absolutes’ approach. There is no gray area with much of this.
I touched on it in the birth control pill discussion. If you let a child gain an inch they will take a mile.
And that is exactly the point - you are powerless and you need to be humbled by it.
How many kids go into the real world having been told they’re ‘special’ and POW BAM SMASH CRASH 1960s Batman episode! they get hit by the real world which says 'fu** off and go cry to your mommy!" ?
A lot.
As much as I advocate discipline, I would happily accept your situation if not for two flaws.
A) You don’t barter with a child and playing mind games with them is nothing short of wasted manipulation on an under developed mind. You can’t ‘talk’ to a two year old - using ‘tactics’ to avert their defiance only leaves them more confused.
B) The jacket is there for a reason concerning health, not convenience. Making them carry it serves no purpose in that regard.
Maybe if you we were discussing an exercise in how to make a child compliant than your method suggested is effective - as I said, not into manipulation.
I hate saying ‘because I said so’ It makes me feel bossy and mean. I like saying stuff like ’ because you and I both know that is not a good idea/decison’ OR say your kid is ramped up and all peeed off cuz you wont let him climb on the roof. WHy cant I? Why cant I? Ill be carefull!! Ive dont it before! Well then you say ‘you and I both know it is dangerous and I bet you will have more fun shooting hoops down the street with your friends’
Give them options. Instead of saying NO all the freaking time, give the an alternate thing to do to sway them away from what you dont want them doing. blah blah blah
Yeah, how is carrying a jacket the same as wearing one??? And In a situation where my child refuses to put a his jacket on I would say 'do you have a problem with this jacket? what about this one ? or this one? eventually hes gonna get the idea that you dont care which one he wears so long as he wears the SOB and that you mean it when you say PUT ON YOUR JACKET! Right?