We’ve been dealing with this as well. My son, who is 8, still wets the bed most nights. It does indeed run in families, according to our ped. I had accidents until I was 6 or so, my brothers had them much longer. My husband and his brother were also late, as well as their father. For some reason, it seems to be more common in boys.
We were trying to be patient, but my son and I decided to ask his ped for advice at his yearly checkup. We had tried waking him in the evening (before we went to bed) but he didn’t really wake up (he wouldn’t remember it in the morning) and once we had established a pattern of helping him pee around 11:00pm we found that if we went upstairs at 11:30 he would have just peed. So all we did was encourage him to pee at a regular time. He wasn’t actually waking up.
Everything I read says that witholding fluids doesn’t work and isn’t very healthy, anyway.
The nose sprays do work. However, the way they work is by temporarily shutting down the kidneys, which isn’t something I want to do to my child. I might consider the spray for a one-time use (like a sleep-over) but I certainly wouldn’t use it on a regular basis. The alarms have their supporters, but their success rate actually follows the normal curve; in other words, those kids were going to start staying dry anyway.
Our ped’s advice was simply to keep being patient. Our son has been using the GoodNite brand of pull-ups, which have been very effective. They even make a larger size than he currently uses, which leads me to think that he is not in a terribly significant minority. In the past few weeks he has several times awoken to find that he is dry. Nothing has really changed, except that he is getting older. That seems to be the only real cure.