My daughter has been potty trained since she could walk. She, of course, had the occasional accident for a few months after she was trained but it was never excessive. All if a sudden she has started to wet the bed at nearly 5 yrs old. I also have a 2 week old now and I was wondering if my older daughters accidents are related to that. And, more importantly, if anyone has any suggestions as to how to stop it. The only changes to her diet lately is that she’s been taking cold medicine to kick a winter cold. I really don’t want this becoming a regular thing. And I hate the idea that she could be so stressed out over her new baby sister. Any suggestions?
Take her to the family doc or paediatrician.
Probably nothing (‘jealousy’ or its equivalent) but urinary infection and diabetes should be ruled out.
Her routine has changed and she stressed. She’s 4 and now has to share her parents (who are strangely preoccupied with a squalling doll) so just make sure she has a routine and things will come back to normal.
Thank y’all. I am planning to make her a doctors appointment as soon as the office opens for a check-up, but I do hope it’s just a bit of jealousy. How would you suggest that I fix that?
IME a little extra stress or insecurity can do that, just a little change of routine.
I’ve found it really helpful to practice with children, in a relaxed, fun way (like when you’re getting PJs on). Have her lie on the bed, close her eyes, pretend to sleep. Press gently on her bladder. “Hey, that’s your body saying ‘wake up! you need to pee!’ remember? So then you hop out of bed to pee!”
Alongside that, I’d just offer plenty of reassurance and wouldn’t emphasise the bedwetting too much, or make her feel bad about it. Just cheerfully carry on, she’ll settle again. In the meantime you could always get up to put her on the loo in the night, it saves changing the sheets at least.
ETA: seen your new post. I’m not sure it’s necessarily jealousy, all kinds of little upsets & insecurities & changes have, IME, caused bedwetting to resurface. If you think there is an issue of jealousy (which could play into it, of course) I would give little attention to he bedwetting and plenty of positive attention together with the little new addition.
When you talk to her about it, how does she react? If she doesn’t think it’s such a big deal, make sure to stress the importance to her that it really is. If she’s acting appropriately ashamed of it and doesn’t even like to admit when it has happened, then I’d probably recommend waking up a few hours into her sleep and waking her up and helping her to the bathroom to pee.
Also, just make sure she doesn’t drink a bunch of fluids within a couple hours of going to bed, and that she pees right before bedtime.
Good luck to you and hope it works out. I also think that the advice to talk to her pediatrician about it is a good idea as well. It’s probably just stress but they might have more tips for you.
According to my son’s doctor, it isn’t uncommon for kids to regress a little when they get a new sibling. Get her checked out to make sure it isn’t anything physical. I’d spend as much time as possible reassuring her that you love her and make sure that she has an established routine.
I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it once you eliminate any physical possibilities.
I read recently that bedwetting is often simply the bladder’s growth not catching up with the growth of the rest of the body yet. Or is that only with older kids?
Regression in potty training is a perfectly normal response to stress or changes in routine, and having a new sibling is the classic example.
From here:
Or here
Or from here:
It’s not really jealousy, per se, it’s more dealing with a different dynamic at home, and not really understanding why things have changed. The linked articles all have coping strategies, if you like. In any case, assuming there isn’t a coincidental physical reason, it’s not a big deal, and it’s probably best to treat it as exactly that: not a big deal.
Cold medicine treats the symptoms of a cold. It’s not helping her “kick” the cold.
It definitely could be a factor here, depending on what medicine it is. Stop giving it to her and see what happens.
Hating the idea that someone could be stressed over something is something of a handicap in your intent to be reassuring – your emotions are going to get in the way. Try accepting that such a thing could be happening, it’s normal and okay, and you are going to do your best to mitigate it. It is not completely fixable (the upset, not the bedwetting) because things are not going to go back to the way they were.
Stress is not a horrible thing to be avoided, it is a challenge to learn how to cope with. AKA life.
We had problems for a long time with our kid. Chronic constipation was the final diagnosis and treating it (Miralax) & time fixed it.
Poop piles up inside and presses on things was the short of the explanation.
If the problem came just after the new sibling, then I’d go with that as being very likely.
I tend to not use terms such as “jealous” because of the baggage. Her routine has suddenly changed. It’s perfectly normal for her to be stressed. She should be stressed, it’s natural. Is she the oldest and is this her first sibling?
For me, I wouldn’t really want to be putting more pressure on her after bringing home someone who takes time away from mommy and daddy.l
Our son went through a bed wetting phase. We bought inexpensive rubber sheets and it wound up being a short phase. I think that not making it a Big Deal helps it go away sooner, but YMMV.
Two little difference can occur
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Drinking more just before bed time - solution - enforce no drinks
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Distraction -forgetting to empty the bladder. Enforce the rule of going wee we just before going to bed.
Doctor’s appt is a no-brainer, just to rule out any organic causes. Put some rubber sheets on the bed to help with cleanup (or buy her some pullups for nighttime) and don’t stress out about it. She’ll pick up on that and it could make the problem worse.
It likely helps her sleep, because otherwise she’d be coughing or sneezing all night. Proper sleep is a big factor in getting over any illness. I’m not a doctor, but unless you are, **your **word isn’t good enough to stop giving medicine to a sick kid.
The first thing I thought when I saw the title of your post was ‘I wonder if there’s a new sibling.’
Bedwetting is a pretty standard response to a new baby arriving. It’s not necessarily jealousy, or even stress in a bad sense. It’s just that her world has changed, her routine has changed, and her mind and body haven’t adjusted yet. Nothing wrong with any of that.
Personally, I wouldn’t even bother taking her to the doctor unless it lasts a while. I’d buy plastic sheets, cut down on the amount of water she drinks in the evenings, and make it clear that accidents aren’t a big deal.
ETA: Even if the bedwetting started before the baby was born, it’s probably related to that. A four-year-old is plenty big enough to understand that Mama is very pregnant, that there’s a new baby on the way and that everything’s different.
Yup, me too. Almost everyone I know who had a kid who was potty-trained when the second came along went through this.
Yup, me too. And by “accidents aren’t a big deal”, I mean (and I’m sure eclectic wench means) that you don’t make her feel bad about it, not that you imply it’s acceptable. I’m certain that at her age, she knows it’s not acceptable, and she wouldn’t do it if she could help it. She might even be stressed in part because she’s having accidents, and might be afraid she won’t be able to stop. She needs encouragement and understanding. So something like, “Oh, bummer. Well, let’s clean it up, and tomorrow, let’s remember not to drink anything after dinner, and to make sure to go potty before bed. You know, you’ve gone a really long time without any accidents. You’re really good about staying dry at night, and I’m really proud of you for that. I know you’ll get the hang of it again really soon.”
True, but if it helps her sleep by making her drowsy, then it may be that she’s sleeping more deeply than usual and not being woken up by the usual bladder cues. If she really can’t sleep well without the medicine, then definitely cut back on fluids in the evening, and be sure to have her try to pee a few times before bed. Maybe once after dinner, once before bath/pajamas/story/etc., and once more just before getting into bed.
Yes, this.
No. Shaming children around toileting issues is not an effective technique, nor is it appropriate to shame a child for something her body does while she is asleep.
Doctor first, rubber/plastic sheet next. Then find her ways to engage with the baby and you in a helpful, productive way - bringing you nappies, helping you stick a pillow under the nursing arm, singing the baby songs, ask her to get you glasses of water (in plastic cups, probably), and tell you stories. Make her feel important. When you can, spend some time just with her (but that’s not always a practical suggestion in the first few post partum weeks.)
Depending on your kid and your situation, it may help her to hear your *own *struggles, and how you’re coping with them. “Wow! I woke up four times last night, so I’m really tired today. I’m going to try to take an extra catnap today while the baby is sleeping.” “Boy, my ears hurt when that baby cries…I need to think of a song to fill my ears so her cries don’t hurt them.” Most kids are perfectly well aware that their parents are stressed and distracted with a new baby, but we spend all this energy trying to pretend that everything is okay and normal. It’s the disparity between body language (stress) and words (everything is rosy) that many kids find very scary. If you just tell them, “yeah, I’m a little stressed right now, but I’ll get through it,” it eases their minds and reassures them they’re not alone in needing to adjust.
I agree that it’s probably something to do with the new baby. What about putting the child on the toilet about midnight? Empty bladder might just equal dry bed.
Same here. Except for one friend’s kid who decided to mix it up by regressing to shitting his pants.
All this, exactly. I might explain something along the lines of ‘Things have been a bit confusing around here, with the new baby, so your body’s probably confused too. Things will settle down and it’ll get the hang of this again soon.’