I am guessing, like me, that most of us have at one time or another been approached by someone on the street asking for a handout— usually money.
I generally give the person a couple of bucks. I don’t worry about how they are going to use the money. I am just glad that our situations are not reversed, and would want someone to do the same for me if indeed I was in their place.
What do you do in such situations, and why?
9 times out of 10, they’re just looking for change to get drunk on. Which I’m not going to give them. I don’t encourage them at all.
If I’m on my way into the grocery store, which is where I always seem to get hit up, I will offer to return with a sandwich. If the person is genuinely hungry, they usually accept that offer. If they only want the cash for other purposed, they’ll turn me down - and get pretty huffy about it, too. I know there are a lot of con artists out there, but I’d hate to let someone starve because of them.
I probably get conned from time to time, but what the hell, it’s just a sandwich.
99.99% never
The only time I would even consider it is if they are doing a neat little street show or something like that.
We did this a few weeks ago:
I don’t even get asked anymore. I have perfected the art of the cold stare. I can kill a bum at 30 paces just from an irritated glance.
I vascilate on this issue, mostly because I have trouble identifying what the key issue really is. At this point in my life, I figure it comes down to this: Am I a compassionate person? I like to think the answer to that question is “Yes.”
The problem then becomes (at least for me) what is the most
compassionate way for me to react to an instance of begging?
If I give the individual something, I am “solving” the problem in the short run, but in the long term I have made no contributions to a solution. In fact, if my contribution allows the individual to procreate, I have actually made the situation worse, as it is likely the offspring will learn to survive in a similar manner.
However, if I simply walk by and do nothing, I have not eased the suffering of this person at all. I may have discouraged one of the outcomes mentioned above (invovling offspring), but I have not encouraged anything positive.
This dissonance may be the cause of part of my frustration with the person who is begging. They have put me in a very awkward position, one in which I usually feel as though I can’t win: If I give, the problem persists; If I walk by and do nothing (at all), I have not subtracted from the suffering of this individual, even though I could do so by simply giving him/her a dollar/sandwhich.
So if the person looks like they have no chance of either changing their ways and is in dire need of food or comfort, I will usually give. But if they appear (to me) to be capable of changing their behavior, I usually won’t give.
Hope that was clear.
Heembo.
I am the type who always gives whatever change and small bills I have at the time. I can’t help but think what if someone I loved was in that position? I would want someone to help them if I wasn’t around to help them. I am sure someone out there loves all these people who are begging for money.
Last Jan. I was getting my two kids into their carseats when a homeless man came up and grabbed my 2 year old’s hand and pulled her towards him. I had her other hand and pulled back, he told me to give him my money. I gave him my money right off but he didn’t let go of my daughter until a security guard came up and then he ran off. He should be glad, I was about to claw his eyes out.But anyway, did this change my opinion about homeless people? Nope, the next day I gave money to a man on a corner. I figure in every group of people there is a bad apple and to let one ruin it for the rest is the worst thing I could do. So yes, I give and I will continue to give whenever I have spare cash.
When I first started getting approached by panhandlers, I always gave them a a buck or two if I could. For me, it was just the right thing to do. I didn’t really question the panhandlers’ motives. After a while, I found myself being approached at least once or twice a day. Sometimes more. I stopped giving money. Why? Because I got tired of it. I even remember the specific time - I noticed the panhandler was wearing nicer shoes than I was. But you know, as time went by, I started giving them money again. I suppose the issue is quantity. If I approach the train terminal, and am asked either consecutively, or by more than one, I don’t say, “…and here’s one for you…and one for you…and one for you.”
I only get them at my office. I’ve never given cash, on occasion, have given some pop bottles (returnable for a dime) depending.
My SO has an office in another part of town, is there late and gets them often. One night we were headed out of his place to dinner, one showed up needing some cash to ‘catch the bus’, mentioning that he’d just gotten out of jail yada yada yada. I reached into my purse… and offered him my business card (I work with felons helping them find work…) He declined. “I gots me a job”. riiiight.
You know, it’s a good thing none of us are Christians, because Jesus was pretty clear on the subject. And I don’t see any qualifiers about what the poor might do with the money.
I also don’t see or recall anything in there about giving bums money so they can get drunk or high or whatever. And 10 times out of 10 that’s all they care about. If they are desperate enough, there’s plenty of shelters and soup kitchens that’ll take care of them. I will not encourage them in their quest to pickle their livers in the slightest.
LOL…did anyone else find this sentence hilarious but me?
Well, I am a Christian, and I’m sorry to say I am just as conflicted as anyone else.
Yes, Jesus said give to anyone who asks. He also told me to “love my neighbor as myself”. As far as I can tell, this does not include helping my neighbor drink himself to death.
So what do I do? Give him the money and run the risk of him using it to hurt himself, or not give the money and run the even bigger risk of hurting Himself?
My only way out is - I give the guy some money if he isn’t obviously drunk and doesn’t threaten anyone. A thinly veiled shakedown gets nothing. A request gets a buck (if I got). If the guy says “God bless you” as a result, I consider that this goes directly to Jesus’ ear. If I think about him getting drunk or high off my money, I usually feel guilty afterward, but what the heck. At least the moral responsiblity of what happens to the money goes to the beggar.
I don’t want to hurt my Lord’s feeling over a lousy buck.
Regards,
Shodan
I usually do if I have money on me, but since times are kind of tight for me, I rarely have cash on me, and I’m not usually inclined to run to the ATM for that purpose.
And you know this . . . how, exactly?
Just for the sake of argument, let’s assume you’re right. If the person asking you for change is not an alcoholic (only looking for a wee nip of gin, say), then it’s no worse to give him a dollar for some liquor than it is for your friend to buy the next round, yes? If he is an alcoholic, will not having money for booze suddenly make him not an alcoholic? It might make him an incredibly sick alcoholic, or it might make him a violent, desperate alcoholic, but an alcoholic he will remain. If you’re so concerned with a panhandler’s addiction, then you should kindly escort him to a detox/rehab center. In any event, is any given homeless person just a step away from a good job and a nice home? Your donation or lack thereof will not save this person. He would almost certainly appreciate those dimes in your pocket more than you or I, however.
That having been said, you’re certainly not obligated to give. I, in fact, seldom do. I, however, stopped pretending that it was because I didn’t like what they were doing with their money years ago. I don’t give because I live in New York, and to give regularly would cut into my cash flow (and my free time) significantly. I don’t give for my own selfish reasons, and that’s okay. I just wish we’d all be a little bit more honest with ourselves. . .
. . . and can’t we at least be polite about rejecting them? Is a “sorry, man, not tonight” too much to ask?
I also don’t see anything in there about not setting college campuses on fire . . . doesn’t mean that the Bible says it’s okay to do.
. . . and can’t we at least be polite about rejecting them? Is a “sorry, man, not tonight” too much to ask?
Ah, the voice of political correctness strikes once more.
If they have to intrude in my life, why should I have to be polite? What do I possibly owe them? It’s not as if I’m beating them up and taking their money, for crying out loud.
I’m just informing them through body language that they shouldn’t bother approaching me.
in my opinion, it has nothing to do with political correctness. it has to do with the way you choose to live your life.
i won’t walk by a panhandler or other homeless type without making eye contact. they are still human beings and should be treated as such. if i don’t wish to give them money, i look them in the eye and say “sorry, man, not tonight.”
most of the time they get a surprised look on their face, as if to say, that person actually spoke to me. and then they often say, that’s all right, thanks anyway, maybe next time, have a nice day.
i feel its important to acknowledge their humanity; i feel way worse stalking by with my eyes averted. so i dont do that anymore, even though it hurts to have that sea of human misery washing over me whilst walking down the street.
Why should I make allowances for social position or economic status? I don’t normally make eye contact with other people either. I don’t go on the street to socialize; I walk on the street to get from point A to point B. To treat street people any different would be condescending and arrogant in my opinion.
I don’t live in an area with a lot of homeless people, so this isn’t often a problem for me. I’m much more likely to give change or a dollar if the person is freindly, the vaguely threating bit doesn’t useully work, and if they’re more agressive than that, I’m being mugged, not panhandled.
I much prefer giving to charity, in the hopes that the money wil be spent on food/clothes/shelter than drugs or booze. Not that I blame someone who’s life is that bad for wanting to kill the pain, I just don’t want to pay for it.