Begging to get back together... does it ever work out?

I very much tend to agree, but my question here would be which behavior was the aberration? Sometimes people screw up in a way that is totally out of character, and do something that they’ve never done before and never will do again.

Been begged. Two different guys. (Geez was Atlanta weird). Never worked out.

Some very hot begging sex can happen, though …

Yeah, it’ll almost inevitably lead to an unbalanced relationship, unless there’s been some major screwup that the begger wants to fix. Normally though, it just doesn’t work for me. In fact, in a post-breakup discussion with my most recent ex (on the topic of negotiating getting back together), one of her conditions was that I come “crawling back.” Needless to say, that was a no go.

I’ve seen this exactly once. In the case I know, the husband even married the younger woman, then cheated on her with his first wife. Eventually he divorced second wife and has been very happy with first wife for some ten years now. I just shake my head, but it has worked for them.

In regards to those who believe that people don’t really change:

Really? I definitely think people can work on behaviors they know are problematic and seek to change.

I personally have been told by more than one ex in the past that I was too needy. It’s something I’ve actively worked on building more self-confidence and emotional self-reliance, because I realize it’s a character flaw. I’ve tried approaching an ex again saying something like, “I really like you and I agree that how I acted was inappropriate. If we were to date, I’d really work on not being needy.” He didn’t take me back, but I don’t consider that begging, per se. That was literally what I said and we left it at that.

Gestalt.

Ugh. This thread reminds me of this whole drama I went through with one of my closest friends, who declared he was in love with me a few months before we started college. He did this every year until we graduated. The last time he did this I agreed to go on a few dates with him, but it didn’t work for me at all, and I told him so. He begged me to give it a few more tries; I refused. The next week he signed up for the Army. :eek:

(Mind you, this was back in Korea, so he would have had to go to the Army eventually anyway, but he didn’t have to go right then; plus his original plan was to do the whole ROTC thing. I felt terrible after he signed up, but both of us eventually got over it.)

How exactly do you work on not being needy?

I think people might change because time passes, they grow up, or something major happens to them that affects who they are. I don’t think people can change to please other people.

In my case, it was related to low self-esteem, I went to therapy and worked on fulfilling my own emotional needs. Now when I feel an urge to call someone when I’m sad or stressed or whatever, I instead calm myself down, take ten minutes or so to meditate and remove myself from the situation, and then return to life as usual. Then, several hours later, like that night or the next day, if it’s still bothering me, then I might call a friend to talk. And I’m working to get to the point where I don’t even have to do that.

Basically, dealing with a problem on my own rather than leaning on someone else. And I’ve made a lot of strides.
Furthermore, I changed because I realized it was A Bad Thing, that was objectively a problem, not something that didn’t happen to suit one person.

I’m surprised so many people think that others can’t change. By that logic, no needy person would have have a relationship, because everyone is turned off by it.

Gestalt.

Why not, if that is a strong enough motivation? What if someone in a couple is like, “You nag too freaking much, this has to end or I will leave.” How is it so unlikely that the other part of the couple won’t be like, “okay, I understand and will try to nag you less”? Don’t couples do this all the time? Make compromises for each other?

Gestalt

Of course people can change. I think the difference is trying to change because you yourself realize you need to change, and trying to change just for the sake of pleasing someone else. “I need to be less needy because it’s unhealthy for me” vs “I need to be less needy because Bob will dump me otherwise.”

Everyone is NOT turned off by it. There are a lot of people in relationships that thrive off neediness. Not the kind of relationship that you might want, but they do exist.

Also, what HazelNutCoffee said. You change because you want to, not to please someone else. That’s a recipe for backsliding and resentment. It takes a LOT to change who you are. The reasons have to be fundamental, not externally imposed.