She relates how a guy who treated her badly eventually ended up winning her back, after he repeatedly explained that he was sorry and wanted to be with her again, etc.
Now, I’m pretty fascinated by the male relationship psyche, and all the catchily-titled books I’ve read on dating make it seem like the last thing a woman should do if she wants a man back is to ask him repeatedly to take her back; the best way to win his affections, if at all possible, is to just be cool and maybe a little distant. Furthermore, when a woman initially likes a man, say these books, she should definitely not appear overly enthusiastic about him.
However, reversing genders, Lionne’s boy begging to get back with her worked, at least in the short term. Is this a gender difference or just particular to her situation?
Is this a gender difference or just particular to her situation?
Lets see how long it lasts before we use her situation as an anomaly. For me, the books are right about this one, begging guys (or girls)to return off sets the balance of a relationship so even if it doesn’t look pathetic (which it often does) the equality (i.e. respect) in the relationship won’t survive.
I agree with Sitnam - for any party, begging to have the other person back looks pretty pathetic. I once did that with an ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately for me, I did get him back. Well, for a while, anyway. And once I had him back, I realized that the reason I was so upset about the breakup was that he got to it first, dammit. I didn’t want to be dumped, I wanted to dump him. (So I wasn’t that mature at the time, okay?)
Anyway, there’s a reason exes become “ex”. If something isn’t working for either party enough so that one of them wants to break up, in my book it spells doom for both, even if you get back together. Sort of like quitting a job then getting hired back or counter-offered - the person who was dumped may always wonder what the other person is thinking and if he’s looking for someone better, while the person who did the dumping the first time around may well be looking for a better situation.
A girl I dated in college really messed me up in some ways, but to her everlasting credit, she did two things 100% right: she turned me down when I proposed, and she refused to take me back after she broke up with me. And yes, I was pathetic when I tried to talk her out of it.
I think it is the old dating ritual. Anyone who read “The Rules” knows that the dating GAME is all about manipulation. A woman is told to sit, bide her time and play cool, so as to entice the man to pursue her.
Personally, I think it all is a bunch of hogwash. Who wants to play games? I say if you like someone, tell them.
Begging doesn’t work, though. No matter how carefully crafted the conversation…how skillfully the words come out…begging is still begging. It is a bit reminiscent of the letters in school “do you like me, check yes or no.”
Most of us are beyond the GAME, so those kinds of things are about as effective as urinating on a house fire. It just is ridiculous.