Hey gang...

Okay, I’m breaking my self-imposed Net silence (which has actually been rather productive-the screenplay is progressing nicely and I’m getting other stuff done) because I’m in a situation that’s confusing the hell out of me. And of course it’s a woman at the root of this.(Yeah, yeah,
big surprise, I know. And shut up Valerie.)

And I was really hoping to be able to come back with a girlfriend. But hey, this is me, after all, so you can just guess…

Guys, I was this close. There’s a girl at work here that I’m digging big time, but I have (well, had) a long standing rule against dating people at work. So in the 2 or 3 weeks of flirting that lead up to this situation, I wasn’t sure exactly what I was willing to let happen. Then I
decided screw it, I’m going to ask her out, because it was painfully obvious that she was interested too. And if you know any of my previous posts, you can probably get a good idea about just how blatant these signals were, because I normally can’t find my ass with both hands, a map, and a geosynchronous satellite when it comes to girls and their
signs. I decided this on Superbowl Sunday-approximately 36 hours after she had gotten back together with her ex.

When I explained just how disappointed I was in the whole situation, she apologized profusely, and then told me that I had actually kept her from getting back together with him earlier, but she remained uncertain as to what I wanted. Her ex, apparently, made it abundantly clear what he wanted. So now here’s the problem.

She’s still around. Just as much as before. And so I tried to take a break from her and the friendship, which quite frankly worked about as well as deep-frying lettuce. Absence made the heart grow into a single-minded slavering beast. She’s here at my desk in the morning for about a half hour
just talking about nothing, and the same at the end of the day. My email inbox is filling up as I type this (6 so far) with her just basically shooting the breeze because she’s bored.

So my question is this-I’ve got female friends. Quite a few, in fact. But NONE of them do this. What this feels like to me is the beginning of dating (or at least the flirting leading up to it). Now, who’s got opinions on this? I really don’t think I’m getting played with (although that seems
to be my mantra lately) on this, but I have to say it is confusing in the extreme.

So, Dopers, am I reading too much into a harmless friendship, or is she getting 2 relationships for the price of one?

Great. Number 8’s in the mailbox…

Welcome back, Flypside! Long see, no time, and all that.

So…she’s back with the guy, right? He’s no longer an ex?

My advice to you is, you definitily have feeling for her, but she either wants to just be friends or is confused about what she really wants. Maybe she really wants you to pursue her. In fact, it kind of sounds like that might be the case.

Did she get back together with him, or was this a 'just for old times" kind of thing? How serious does she seem to be about this guy? It sounds like she wants you to ask her out.

I really hope she isn’t just playing you.

If I were you I’d tell her that you like her a lot… you get on well, you find her attractive and you really really enjoy her company… but that you’re looing for a girldfriend, not another female friend and that you don’t want to ‘just be friends’. From what you’re saying about her recent behaviour, I’d say the odds are about 80-90% in your favour that she’ll break up with him (she’s done it before, so he can’t be all that great) and get with you.

The office situation does complicate things, but if you’re the nice, charming gent I get the feeling you are then there should be no problems.


First things first. Don’t go dissin’ deep fried lettuce. That’s some good shit, yo.

Second. I, Demo, have, after much research and deliberation, figured out your problem.

You think too friggin much!

Just go with the flow, bro.

Man, by the time you post fifteen times to your journal, take it to great debates here, get a herpe from worrying, pick out your [cool-ass] Hawaain shirt, yada yada yada… Christ! the girl’s already got married and had three and a half kids! Come on, Flypper old pal. I you have the quickest, razor wit I know, but when it comes to wimmens, you sit on the fence for too long. From now on, I want you to go with your first feeling. Don’t deliberate. Like Nike, just do it. That’s my honest to goodness advice. May the lord have mercy on your soul.

Oh yeah, as far as this girl goes, give it a shot. All she can do is say no.

Oh yeah, another thing: I had an old friend who taught me this rule. At least one out of every ten girls you ask to sleep with you will say yes. I swear, it works. This last part may sound like shitty advice…wait, it is shitty advice. Never mind this part, just go with the above…


“I you have” in the above message should read “You have”

Thank you.

Demo, my brother - that was EXCELLENT advice! Flypper, listen to the man. You really are overanalyzing and over-thinking the issue. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were a chick. :slight_smile:

Sounds to me like she has a thing for you. If her feelings for boyfriend were that strong, she wouldn’t have delayed getting back together with him (waiting for you to act). I have a feeling she would dump him in a heartbeat if you would just make a move!!

Perhaps. But unfortunately, the percentage that will date you (generic) is much lower.

im with democritus. you just waited too long. it took me a long time to learn how to hop off the fence, but my love life sure improved when i got brave enough to give it a try. i think you should pass this one by, though, chalk it up to life experience, and promise yourself that next time you get any signals, you won’t wait around.

Okay, does anyone else here think that Demo’s in love with me? Jeez, he’s got my whole reaction thing down here, even down to the cold sore…

But I do thank him (and everyone else) for the advice. And I do promise that the instant I get into a situation such as this one again, at least the fifth thing out of my mouth will be a request for a date. (Not the first thing, though. Therein lies the recipe for disaster.) The existing problem is closer to what Sealemon and boli have pegged-she’s technically not available, but her actions and words are very much like what they were before she went back with her boyfriend.

Now, unlike past errors (everyone from the first Spiffling remember the “subvocal repeater” fiasco I got myself into?-which, by the way, made it into the first scene of the screenplay. Shit like that even I couldn’t think up), I made it very clear what my intentions were. I just did it 2 days late. So the problem now is not that she doesn’t know what I want. It’s that she’s with some other guy and still acting the same way she did when she was flirting with me. Well, mostly like she did before. There’s a distinct lack of footsie, but that could be because I’ve been making fun of her shoes.

So my situation is this. She wants to remain friends. She has a boyfriend, and she has me. Her boyfriend is her boyfriend, and I, to my thinking, am some sort of “boyfriend lite”, with whom she flirts and spends time with, but without any real responsibilities toward. I can either let things stand they way they are, or I can say “Listen, I can’t really be your friend because we’re too close and I can’t figure out what in the hell you’re doing.” I don’t particularly relish either option, but it seems those are really the only two left open. I guess there’s always boli’s third choice, but that seems highly unlikely-she doesn’t strike me as the type to get rid of one guy just because another asks her out. But anyway, that’s the rub.

And I just know VB is sitting back and laughing her ass off at this thread. I can feel it.