Met a girl, fell in love.
Things are go’n great, just like a story book romance.
Then, from out of nowhere, she decides to go back to a previous BF who she said hit her a lot.
Me; left with my heart stomped on and in the dumpster.
FF a couple of years later.
I get an Email from my MYSPACE account:
*Hey babey!! I was thinking about you and I can’t believe I found you on MYSPACE… blah,blah, blah, Left asshole BF…blah,blah,blah…
Here’s my phone number, we should get together, blah, blah, … give me a call sometime… *
I respond with:
Jane, I really don’t think it’s a good idea we get together. I’m just not interested. Have a nice life.
Dito. Girl dumps me for guy who she loves cause he’s “dangerous”. Later calls me to say she fucked up and would like to talk. I tell her that I had a good laugh after reading about him beating her ass at a bar in the local paper.
I have a similar story - but in retrospect I no longer am pleased that I did what I did. (Note that our stories are different, and I am judging my actions, not yours.)
Girl and I break up, I’m hurt terribly. She makes fun of me behind my back.
Girl apologizes, but I don’t accept.
Years later girl sends message through friend: We had something worth pursuing. Please call me. My response: Noted.
Damn that felt good. I am well pleased with myself. In one word I’ve shown I’m not hurt or even care enough be anything but indifferent.
Years pass and now I’m wiser. I don’t look back and I think what if. I just think that in all my life I have been a happier man when I have been kind. I doubt she and I would have made things work the second time - but the truth was, I wasn’t indifferent, I was trying to hurt her by pretending to be. And looking back I wish I had been kind.
She makes fun of you behind your back and doesn’t even have the spine to approach you face to face to try to reconcile? It’s awful nice of you to think you should have been kind, but honestly - you gave her exactly what she deserved under the circumstances. I’d consider myself lucky if I got that kind of response from women whose hearts I’ve cruelly broken were I stupid enough to think I could patch things up.
I don’t think what the OP did is in the same class as what you did. You’ve got to at least appear to take the high road. Your version doesn’t make her regret her actions, it just makes her think you are a jerk.
Of course, that may have been what you wanted her to think.
Shakes, that ain’t petty. You sound like too good a man. You took the high road, and are a better man than I am because of that. For comparison, I was in a similar exchange and I was petty.
Me: *How have you been? How’s Dave?
He’s good, I guess. I’m only working 17 hours a week now, I wish I had more money. I’m looking for another job.
Just do what you’re good at.
Like what?
Well. you’re a whore, might as well get paid for it.*
Now, that’s petty. I’m not proud of it, but after what she did to me… I couldn’t resist.
I’m currently in the heartbreak club myself, but years ago I got the chance to do something similar.
When I was at uni, back in the days when people sent letters, I was dating Stacey, a girl from my home town. She’d sent me three lovely, loving letters during the week, in which correspondence we’d agreed that I would travel down at the weekend to visit.
I arrived in her street on the Saturday morning and saw her walking away from me, towards her house. I called her name but she apparently didn’t hear me, and went into the house. I went to her front door and knocked. No response. I knocked again. No response. After a few minutes of this, the letterbox opened and a scrawled note fell out at my feet: I don’t want to see you any more.
And I drove back, devastated. I then wrote a long, pathetic, heart-rended letter where I pledged undying love and said “I don’t think you’ll be able to get away from your feelings that easily.”
Six months down the line, during which time I had met the woman with whom I would live for the next seven years, Stacey sent a message through a friend that she’d like to see me again.
You’re not a jerk for being a supposedly* nice guy whose heart got trampled. You’re a jerk for laughing at someone being the victim of violence in a relationship. Doesn’t matter how cruelly she treated you, she deserved neither the beatdown nor you taking any glee out of it.
I had a sad dating history in high school, relationships ending badly, dumped for other girls, etc. In my 20’s I lived on my own in the same town. Over the course of a year my mother got three separate calls from a few of my former suitors saying they wanted to get in touch with me. I was only interested in contacting one of them since we had had an intense relationship, so she gave him my number. We talked and he said he was a) divorcing ‘a crazy woman’ and b) had five, yes, FIVE kids :eek: and would I like to get together…NO! No, thank you! Made bed, now lie in it, have a nice life, etc. … I can only surmise the former boyfriends got their first disastrous starter marriages out of the way and were sniffing around looking to get reacquainted with the no-doubt still single and desperate Sali! No, no thanks!
You know, the world would be a better place if people would get to this point sooner (and many never do anyway). You don’t have to be someone’s bitch, but you also don’t have to be mean. Well done Shakes, it’s not petty to be proud of yourself for having a little self-respect.
I don’t think what you did was petty at all. You didn’t exactly rub her nose in it. And feeling good about it? That’s just a bonus.
I had something similar happen to me a few years ago. An ex boyfriend who dumped me and moved back to NY e-mailed me asking me if I was available and interested in moving to NY. He had broken up with me because he wanted to make sure I was “the one” by dating and sleeping with other girls. I can’t imagine why he thought I’d wait patiently by while he had sex with other women in the hopes that he’d realize the error of his ways and come back to me.
Anyway, I was delighted to respond that I was married with a kid, though I tried not to be an asshole about it in my e-mail. I wished him luck and that’s the last I heard of him.
