I recently asked a girl out for coffee. She kept responding, “Yeah, you, me, and <third party> should all go out sometime.” It went back and forth like that until I made things a little clearer. Then she said she was busy. Coupla three-word sentences later, ::click::
Not that this was a true blow off, but I feel bummed enough about it to start a thread. (She’s a real nice girl.)
(In case you can’t tell, I’m escaping self-pity by reading a story by someone that actually deserves pity.)
Anything goes: long-term relationships, one-time encounters, and everything in between.
The break up line i recieved from my boyfriend " I don’t know what I want in my life right now but I know it isn’t you" after a year and a half of being together. He was living in Melbourne and I was living in Sydney due to work situations but that was almost 2 years ago and i saw him while i was on my way to Melbourne last week and we sorted everything out and are now back together, so hold out hope maybe she’ll change her mind?
How about “you’re a complete waste of my time”. This was after pursuing me like I was wild game and encouraging me to fall head over heels in love with a marriage proposal.
I was dating a guy, oh, back in the mid-Eighties. He was “too shy” to break up with me himself, so he called a mutual friend of ours and asked her to break up with me for him!
Mutual friend and I agreed he was a weenie and I was better off without him.
Well, he stopped calling me, and when I called him to see what was going on, he told me that he needed to be alone, and he hoped I could understand that it wasn’t anything I did wrong. His commitment fear has reared it’s ugly head again.
Of course… I would guess somewhere between 80-90% of people on this board have been dumped of blown off…
My personal favorite…
her “I am going out with Bob on Friday to see this band”
Me “Thats cool, is it ok if I come? I want to see that band.”
Her “I don’t know… umm… nevermind… why don’t you just come over on friday”
Me…"…o…k…??"
FRIDAY…
We go out… I BUY HER DINNER!!! we head back to her place, and after 4 years of putting up with her, and her white trash family… I get the same as otherwiseknownas
" I don’t know what I want in my life right now but I know it isn’t you"
but it did turn out for the best there… I would have been miserable with her…
and I am not happily engaged to an absolutely wonderful person…
but I am still bitter about buying her dinner…
I mean come on… she knew she was going to dump me that whole time… and didn’t even offer to split the bill??
Him: “I want someone I can play squash with, that I have more in common with.” Me: “You never even asked me if I would play squash with you. Wait, you don’t even play squash!” WTF?
Him: “I know we’re living together, but I’m interested in dating someone else.” That one kind of hurt - and made the next few months interesting, till we moved out of that place.
Him being a jerk for as long as it took me to break up with him, so that then he could ‘freely’ sleep with the girl who was actually dating his best friend … yeah, he was a winner, now that I think of it. Not sure why it took me so long to break up with him. But I still look at it as him blowing me off, regardless of who said the words. He was just to much of a coward to say the words himself.
Come to think of it, I’ve instigated some really bad break-ups too … my ‘favourite’ was the “It’s not you, it’s me.” When I was saying it, I totally understood what I meant. It really was something wrong with me, I would have hurt them more if we’d continued dating, because I wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time. But still a crappy way to break up with someone.
Sorry about your luck, Vorae. But it’ll all be for the best, you’ll find someone who does want to be with you, and only you.
Most of them just disappeared. After a few weeks or months I would think: Oh, okay. I’ve been written off. Very un-dramatic.
The one exception that stands out in my memory, however: “Why can’t you just talk to me like a normal person?” That wasn’t the final word, but it was definitely the beginning of the end.
I don’t have any spectacular stories of my own (just the usual, “I think we should spend some time apart”), but I did have to comfort a friend through this ordeal:
She began dating the guy when she was still in high school, and they ended up going to the same college. They had been together for years - I had always thought they were a little mismatched, because she was as innocent as they come and he was a partying jerk. But she was happy, so we all kept our mouths shut.
On her birthday, she went over to his apartment and noticed something weird - every single picture and memento of her was gone. Not even replaced with other things; his shelves had big gaping holes in them. She had no idea anything was going wrong between them, so she asked what was going on, and he said, “Well, I didn’t want to tell you until after your birthday was over, but I want to break up.” She cries for the next thirty minutes, and then they leave to take her on her birthday dinner, throughtout which she continues crying. Then he brings her back to his apartment and invites over his friends so they could “have a party for her.” Did I mention she was still crying? Geez, what a jerk.
I have a few tales of woe to share (which is why I have once again thrown in the towel on dating).
I almost wrote a Pit rant for this one, but I later decided it wasn’t really worth the effort. About two months ago I met a gal at a nearby restaurant. We talked for awhile and I thought we had hit it off well. She asked me to call her, so I did. She wasn’t home and I left a message which she never returned. I called again the next day and she apologized. She only spoke to me for two minutes or so before saying that she was busy and would call me back, which she never did. I called the next day and (surprise!) she wasn’t there (either that, or she was monitoring her caller ID) and I left a message. Again, no reply. At that point it was pretty clear that she ahd no interest to see me again.
My last girlfriend, who broke it off with me last October, called me and asked to go out and have dinner someplace. I thought nothing of it as we did this a couple times a week, and I could usually count on getting some ass from her afterwards. About ten minutes after we were seated she said, “umm, there’s something I need to tell you.” I had a good feeling this was her subtle way of preparing to drop the bomb on me (about as subtle as rubbing a cheese grater over one’s balls). She was nervous as she told me, “I’ve been thinking about my ex (ex-husband)…and…I…still…love him.” After telling me that she had been talking to him over the phone and was wanting to get back together with him she then added in the old “we can still be friends” crap. There were a few red flags that had gone up before this, but being in denial, I foolishly dismissed them. I was more hurt than pissed, but I should have just walked right then and there and left her alone forcing her to find her own way home, but then I’m too nice a guy to do that (and I don’t like to burn my bridges).
This one really hurt me as I thought we really had something going. She was the first girlfriend I had in over eight years. The one I had before did about the same thing, telling me over dinner that she didn’t want to continue seeing me (except as “just friends”, God how I hate hearing that!) Her excuse was that she had recently found out that she was starting to go blind and she didn’t want to be involved with dating while dealing with this problem. Fast forward about six months. I recognize her driving her car while in traffic. Since she was driving, apparently her “going blind” was just a bullshit excuse she made up.
I have no problem with “I don’t know what I want, but I know it isn’t you.” At least it is honest. Usually no matter how hard those words are, if someone says such a thing to you, you would not have been happy with that person in the long run. I welcome such statements, if they are true. How about him being distant for weeks until I figured out he was cheating on me, to get the same speech when I confronted him? Then he has the gall to want to be close friends after that and expects me to be pleasant and normal to him the day after we broke up. (We worked together so it’s not like I could let him drop out of my life to never see him again.) So, let me see, you have been an ass to me for weeks, broke my heart, and you want me to be pleasant to you NOW? Yeah well, I wanted you to be pleasant to me for the last month.
Thanks, Sirtonyh! I stayed with him for another YEAR (for the sake of the baby – what the FUCK was I thinking?). He ended up dating (and marrying) the babysitter.
I have a friend who proposed to her boyfriend and he accepted. Months later they had a fight and she said
“That’s it, I’m taking back my proposal.”
to which he responded
“What proposal?”
ouch.
But my own worst story was the text message I recieved (at work) from my “boyfriend” of several months (he did live in another city, but it was only a few hours away) about how he had been spending more time with his ex, and he still respected me, blah blah …
He went away to visit a friend for a week and didn’t bother to tell me. After a month of not speaking he apologised and we moved on. 2 weeks later he did the exact same thing. I’m still in shock.
