My girlfriend decided to break up with me last night. This came as a shock. What REALLY came as a shock, and as kind of painful, is that she did it online. Via IM. She couldn’t even ask me to call her or anything. Didn’t lead me up to it, gave no hint whatsoever just BAM. It’s over. I just don’t get it. I seem to have really really bad luck as far as evil break-ups go. This one isn’t even the worse. I was doing the High Fidelity top 5 worse breaks ups of my life. But I only have 4. So here they are, in no particular order
Christina - Completely disappeared on me. No letter, no call, nothing. It took me two weeks to found out through her father that she’s in a mental hospital in a different state. Ouch.
Maria - Dumped me for my best friend. Two breakups with one stone. Ouch.
Jessica - Told me she was sick of me and “Quite frankly, don’t care if I ever see you again.” Still haven’t figured out what I did to her.
*MC: Doesn’t really break up with me. But doesn’t ask me to a formal that my friends are going to. I assume he isn’t into that sort of thing. Instead, he goes stag. One of my friends calls to tell me the next morning that he was there behaving terribly. I have to go confront him, whereupon he dumps me. Ugh.
*JV: Starts getting very evasive. Takes a business trip to Houston. When he returns, I notice about 20 Mardi Gras cups in his luggage. I say “Cool, did you drive over to New Orleans?” He could have said yes and I would’ve assumned it was the truth, just a nice break from work. But he says no, there was a parade in Houston. Right. Turns out it wasn’t a business trip, he was meeting some friends from college who were setting him up with a girl. They clicked. He finally dumped me as I learned all this. The better endnote is, they got married and she moved here and she and I are actually FRIENDS.
*PD: I fly up to his house (he lives in a different state) to go to a conference with his roommate who is in the same business I am in (we drove to the conference together). PD breaks up with me on arrival, as he has met someone else. I get to spend 4 days in the company of his roommate being reminded of PD. I have no other friends around me. Worse yet, when buying the plane ticket weeks before, I planned some extra time at his house after the conference, which of course now is dreadful. Plus he oversleeps and makes me miss my plane when it actually IS time to go, so I have to spend extra hours with this guy who just dumped me after cheating on me. He says “Wow, you must really hate me now, huh?” Hate doesn’t cover it, pal. Of course, me being me, we’re not only still friends, I invited him to my wedding.
This is just a sample. I’m friends with nearly all my exes now, but there is this terrible time you go through where you feel like an idiot, unwanted and unloveable (and gullible, if they’ve been cheating). It bites.
** Jeff #1: Calls me up one day and accuses me of something rather non-descript, wants to talk to me in person. However, he implies that he has “videotapes and photos” of something illicit or dishonest that I’d done without telling him about it. I never figured out what that was about because it was so very vaguely creepy, I decided I was better off not knowing. (I never even had a detention in high school so I have not a single clue what I could have done… But the idea of someone I’m dating actually hiring a spy… :shudder:
** Jeff #2: Too homophobic to deal with my (at the time) gay male roommate. Moved out of town, but then came to visit. Disappeared after the single visit and never saw him again.
** Craig: A long distance thing. Never even broke up. The last conversation I had with him, “I don’t want to break up. I just want to keep things the way they are. I love you and I’ll call you next week.” Never heard from him again. However, I am good friends with his sister, who broke up with me for him… just so I’d have closure. She informed that he’d been seeing someone else for about six months before I even started the “Should we break up?” conversation.
** Bill: As has been noted on these boards, sent me an e-mail. A friend of his later informed me that his old girlfriend was moving back to town and I think he was clearing the way for her to break his heart again. They moved in together recently, but he threw her out a few weeks later. Let her move back in once he was laid off from a failing dot-com company! (I kinda feel bad for her. Learn your lesson yet, honey?)
** Eric: Disappeared after I yelled at him for leaving the keys in my brand new car outside a Quickie Mart next to the freeway. Rumor has it he was afraid I’d snap and beat his ass one day… He might have been right!
I’m sure your suffering over the breakup far outweighs the trauma that led to her being committed. And I’m not sure how being committed, or committing oneself, cancels a relationship. Could you not have kept in touch with her dad and gotten progress reports from him? Maybe sent a cheerful note or a stuffed animal? Maybe called her, if/when she could receive calls? Maybe visited her, if that was also allowed, and if “another state” was close enough to make that feasible? Sounds like she meant a lot to you.
I’m pathetic. My previous ex and I had been off and on for 5 years. That was six months ago. I kid you not, we broke up and got back together over 25 times. Yes, 25 times… possibly more. This last time I suggested she get ‘professional help’ she agreed.
Angie. We went out a few times my sophomore year in school. She had a lot of emotional and physical issues to deal with, so she left school. She was only going to be gone for a semester, but she never came back. She never called me or wrote me again. Poof, she was gone. I never heard from her again, and ever now and then I wonder if she’s still alive or not. I don’t think I’ll ever know.
Marla. She was a wild one. She was getting interested in sleeping with a woman, her best friend, who was further along the bi-curious spiral than she was. Her friend and I were friends too, and one night she and I got drunk and fooled around a little. The next day, Marla found out and started a fight that led to us breaking up. While it didn’t break my heart, I spent a lot of time thinking “What the fuck?” afterwards, as she was becoming very willing to sleep with her friend, but apparently I wasn’t allowed to.
Jennifer. She was married, and chose her husband (and daughter) over me. Not really embarrassing, but it hurt like hell.
Betsey. My first “real” girlfriend. I went away for a weekend to a party that she couldn’t go to. I spoke to her then, and said something stupid like “I’m having such a great time here without you.” When I came back two days later, there was an e-mail from her telling me she’s dumping me. D’oh!
Kathy. After telling her all of the above stories, and saying that being dumped via e-mail was the worst thing in the world, what did she do? Dumped me via e-mail. Grr.
Her dad made it quite clear that he had no interest in ever talking to me again. I think he blamed me in part for what had happened to her. I was crushed, to say the least. Took me 3 years to get somewhat over that one, and it still hurts like hell when I think about it.
Zero HR
Romanticide is a reflection of my past. As for a new toothpaste, I’ll give it a shot :o).
Rhonda - she broke up with me and then in the same conversation asked if my friend Mike would be interested in her.
Margaret - I asked her to call me, she told me she wouldn’t call me because it was the man’s job to keep in touch with the woman. I count that as a breakup because it sounded too lame to be anybody’s real belief.
Beth - She told me “I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that I am pregnant. The bad news is, you are not the father”
Don’t know if this helps or not, but two of my friends went through similar situations. They both dated this one girl who was…well, less than stable would be a kind word. Eventually, after she had broken up with both of them, she had a breakdown and had to be committed for awhile. One of my friends saw her mother at a supermarket a little while later. She said, during the conversation, that she blamed them both for her daughter’s breakdown.
He was shocked and didn’t know what to say. Eventually, they both just shrugged it off. No one knows what did cause the breakdown but we were all quite sure it wasn’t them. The fact is that parents care for their children. It’s so much easier to assign the blame to someone you hate than someone you love.
My best breakup: not the most amazing story but the rationale was just funny. I went to surprise her one day at her job. She was a camp councelor. She pulled me out into the hallway and said it wasn’t working. Why? I asked.
Her reply: it just doesn’t float my boat. Those were her words. But…but…I hadn’t even had a chance to get to her boat yet. Maybe she’d found a Scarab on the side.
My first real boyfriend ever dumped me over IM. He then proceeded to inform all of my friends (but not me) that he never liked me, but only needed to get over a long term relationship. Oh well, c’est la vie.
A big “Surprise, You’re Being Dumped” party to which all my friends were invited. The intention was to break it to me in a supportive and positive way.
Anne: asked for a divorce with no prior notice. She claims to have wanted counseling but never mentioned it out loud. Loves to tell me about how fabulous her life is now and when I last accidentally brushed against her in the hallway, she gave me a look like I had just thrown up on her.:rolleyes:
Amanda: Probably doesn’t count- two dates- including taking off work early and bringing her food when she was sick- she simply never spoke to me again, never returned a email or voice message etc. I took me a bit to figure it out:(
Rachel: Blind date- she opened the door, took the flowers, looked me up and down, said “no thanks”, and closed the door.
Barb: No major catastrophe here. It just didn’t seem to work. We are still friendly but I just don’t know what to do at this point.
Woah, so harsh!!! I’d say you’re better off without her. Anyone who bases their opinions of a person off of 4 seconds of superficial observation is a stupid ho. But that’s just me.
I was going out with John, for about the 8th time since I’d met him. He was on of those reoccuring flings, that I just couldn’t get rid of. So I call him up, his brother answers the phone. “Hey John, your other girlfriend’s on the phone!” I thought Drew was teasing me. He wasn’t.
So I call back the next day, ask to talk to John, I can hear his voice in the background telling the guy on the phone to lie to me. I’ve never heard such a lame excuse as what the guy told me. “This is John’s lawyer, he can’t see you anymore. He has emotional disturbances, and needs a time out from girls right now.If you call again, we’ll be forced to call the police.” Emotional disturbances, yes. Time out, no. I recognized the voice as his best friend. The next week, I saw John making out with a cute little blond at the mall. Even better was the thrill of turning down his best friend the next time he tried to hit on me.
