Have you ever been dumped via e-mail? Text Message?
My story: I met a woman online. We dated. Things were going along pretty well. We had one big fight and she wrote me an epic e-mail saying that should would have broken up with me, but we talked it over things worked out.
Then I had some serious personal problems. I admit that our relationship suffered from it if only because we couldn’t spend as much time together (I had to go out of town several times).
I didn’t check my e-mail for a few days and when I did, there was a dear SiX e-mail. I wrote her back to say I wanted to at least talk on the phone, but nope… the reply was: Welcome to Dumpsville, Loser! Population: You.
Maybe hearing others’ tales of woe would cheer me up.
Never a dumpee.
Once a dumper via e-mail, as I was forward deployed to the Persian Gulf. Unresolved relationship issues blossomed via our correspondence while on the cruise.
And so I’m not permanently listed in the “DoperCad” category, I did meet with her face-to-face following the deployment so she’d have some closure.
Has the “Dear John” face-to-face custom totally disappeared? I can’t imagine disrespecting someone enough to dump them via email. Even a phone dumping seems harsh to me-- unless of course there’s some potential violence issue involved.
The only time I was ever dumped, back in high school, late 1960s, Friday, she asked me to walk with her to the parking lot during lunch hour (it was the closest thing to privacy we had) and said she wanted me to be one of several guys she dated. I was so insanely in love I couldn’t accept that, but I’ve always respected that she let that be my choice. Ya’ just don’t find that kind of class any more.
Dumped by text sounds like the best option yet. I just don’t understand why people want a face-to-face drama episode. If it’s over, it’s over, best to get it over quick and clean, and not have to look or listen to the person for one millisecond more ever. Wanting to make someone look you in the eyes while you dump them isn’t respect, It’s a power trip to see their reaction, and know you left a sting.
Avoiding the whole re-telling of my break-up several months ago, which I already laid out in a previous thread which included breaking up with me through my family, after which I called her, things seemed fine, and was then followed up with a e-mail break up. Stupid me saw her again about a month ago, spent the night together, and it was followed up with a text message that said, basically “it was nice to see you…I don’t think we should talk anymore”.
FWIW, if you’ve been dating someone for any reasonable amount of time, unless there’s some issue related to violence or whatever, I think you owe that person enough respect to at least meet with them in person and do the break up right. If you’ve been dating for a week or two… fine, not a big deal. Much beyond a few weeks (depending on how serious the relationship has gotten) is just beyond cruel and, IMO, unhealthy for both people.
I was ‘let down gently’ by e-mail when e-mail was still quite a new thing. I wasn’t dumped because we weren’t going out, but a bloke I’d showed an interest in sent me an e-mail mentioning in passing that he had girlfriend.
I remember the sting of rejection, while feeling grateful that it was done in a way that allowed me to compose myself, as well as the notion of it being a sign of the times.
I’ve been dumped via email once. The jerk, after not calling me for two weeks, sent me an epic email that was basically “It’s not you, it’ me” drawn out into 1000 words.
I’ve also been asked out via text messaging. That was almost as lame, but it was in high school, so I’m more inclined to cut the guy some slack.
I tracked down the thread you mentioned. It sounds like you’ve had it pretty rough.
I’m not sure you’d believe me if I told you I understand, but maybe if I elaborate on my story:
I was having a shitty bad day before I came into work. I had taken one day off that week already because — when I had showered and dressed and looked in the mirror before going to work — it was obvious I had been crying.
All morning I told myself to focus on getting ready for work. I was worrying about money and not going to work would only make that worse. So, no thinking, only making breakfast for the kid and walking the dog and getting dressed and going to work. I took a deep breath as I walked up the stairs and I told myself, you can do this.
I didn’t see the e-mail until I had settled in and had a small pile of work in front of me. I read the first line and almost lost it. I don’t really know how I made it through the day; I guess I went numb.
Anyway, I appreciate your participation in this thread and I wanted you to know that I do understand, if only a little.
I’ve been dumped by email a couple of times, actually.
One guy I never spoke with again, unless you count the brief “thanks, have a great life… JACKASS” reply I sent.
The other eventually contacted me again a couple of months later, realising he’d been a major league turd. I figured I’d give him another shot on a platonic level as I had enjoyed his company even while the clothes were still on, and it turns out he’s a very excellent guy except when it comes to relationships. He knows he screwed things up with me, and I quite enjoy reminding him of that when he complains that all the good ones are taken.
I have done the dumping via email. it was kind of low, I’ll admit, but I was in Bulgaria for the summer and a phone call would have cost like $400. I could have waited till I got back, except his emails made me want to smash things. I decided that breaking up via email was kinder, in the balance, than simply ignoring him for the next 6 weeks.
I was sick of him before I went overseas, but in all the flurry of packing, vaccinations, visas, etc, I didn’t really process how much.
He was shocked, I know, but on the other hand he was not the most perceptive dog in the pound, because in retrospect I treated him like an absolute evil bee-yatch the couple months before. He was seeing what he wanted to see.
I did feel guilty about it though. For the rest of college I would (literally) hide in the shrubbery if I saw him coming.
OK I laughed until I cried, literally. That was frickin hilarious.
To the OP: Any person who would not only use text for dumping someone, but use that Simpsons quote in such a juvenile fashion, is clearly a grade “A” loser. Even if a woman I was dating turned out to be a psycho or a gold digger or whatever, there is no reason for name calling. You just say, “I am sorry but I can’t continue to see you anymore. I think our values are too different,” or something like that. I might think she was a loser, but I certainly wouldn’t just come out and call her that. If they won’t accept that and want specifics, then be specific. But you talk about actions, not someone’s character. And you break up in person. It has nothing to do with power or trying to get some kind of reaction out of them. Breakups are painful even under the best of circumstances. I don’t think I have ever broken up with anyone and not been emotional about it. They can see that in your eyes when you break up with them, and that way they know you aren’t just a stone cold bastard but actually do have feelings, even if the relationship cannot work out.
I have never dumped nor been dumped by email, but my sister has.
After 6 1/2 years of dating the guy.
And they were engaged to be married.
And it was about 5 months before the wedding.
She already had the dress.
Not only did he send her an email, but he then hopped on a plane and went to CHINA for a few months.
It devastated her, since there had been no arguments, no conversations, no signs whatsoever that he was unhappy or doubting the relationship. He just changed personalities completely, and when he came back from China, he went around spreading rumours about her (that no one believed, since it was a small town and everyone knew her, too!) and sleeping around with anything that moved. Very weird.
It’s been a few years now, and she is totally over him, but it was probably the most cruel way to break-up I’ve heard of!
