Hey there all. Well I feel like utter crap. Let me explain:
On Saturday I was out with my friends. My one friend had to go shopping and my other friend and I went along. Since it was a nice day, I good time was had by all. Then we went to this small book store. A very nice place with a very, very cute, smart, nice girl working there. I asked about a couple of books and right off we seemed to be hitting it off. We talked for quite a while and then my friends and I left. As soon as we got outside my friends asked me to get back in there and ask her out or they would kick my butt.
Now, I’m not usually the one to do this sort of thing, but I realized that she had been flirting and dropping many hints that I hadn’t pick up on. So I went right back inside and asked her if she would be interested in going to a movie that we had been talking about. To my overwhelming surprise and joy, she said yes! When I say I don’t usually do this sort of thing, I mean I have never done that before. I felt like I was walking on air! She said that her and a couple of friends were going to the movie the next night and to meet her there.
So tonight was the night. I met her at the theater, happy as could be. She was there with her friends, and they were all very nice. We went outside and she told me that she was sorry if she had mislead me but she wasn’t really into dating. 
I lied and said that I just wanted to see the movie, and she was the only one I had talked to that seemed interested. I know I shouldn’t have lied, but I didn’t want to come out and say what I really felt. She had at least gotten me alone so I wouldn’t have been embarrassed.
It was a pretty good movie. I say beside her and watched it with her and her friends. It was then a very long, sad drive home.
I feel crushed, disappointed, stupid, and hurt all at the same time. I’m not angry or anything, just sad. She’s a very nice person. Also, it’s late, so there’s nobody around to talk to about it, which would make me feel better. I really, truly thought there was something there, but I apparently was mistaken. I should have known better. Later all.
I would take it as a positive that she was upfront with you at the get go.
You did something as lot of guys wouldn’t have the kajones to do and learned something about yourself too.
It could have been worse, lets say you had gone out with this girl a few more times before she let you know what was up…
There are a lot of nice girls out there…
Sorry to hear it mate. Had something not dissimiliar happen to me not too log ago. Leaves a funny taste in the mouth (and heart) doesn’t it?
Try and keep your chin up though. At least it was quick. She could’ve drawn it out to a few dates before telling you. Or been dishonest. Or… multitude of possibilities flashes before dpr’s eyes Oh my…
Maybe you were lucky after all. 
Thanks Feynn and dpr. Yeah, I guess it could have been worse. I know there are nice girls out there, but I rarely get good results. It was just that I’ve been feeling crappy lately and for one day I felt great. But now I feel worse than I did in the first place.
Yeah, it does leave a funny taste in the heart, dpr. Couldn’t have put it better myself. I just hope it will go away soon.
It doesn’t really go away. It fades though. And then you go through it again or something like it.
Remain positive though. Pain makes the joy even more pleasurable. It’s a necessary part of life.
Advice from other angles:
Calvin’s dad would say “It builds character. This was actually good for you.”
Germaine Greer would say: “You got what you deserve. It was obviously a ploy whereby you were attempting to manipulate the poor girl to satisfy your own selfish desires. In fact you didn’t get enough pain you ^*$(( member of the patriachary!!!”
Frued would say: “Tell me about your mother.”
Hrm …
If I was you dude … I’d make her want you even more and then introduce your ‘girlfriend.’
awww…poor you. ive had stuff like that happen to me and i hate it. its no fun at all. well, you can come join me in drowning our sorrows in alcohol in my unbirthday party. name your poison. 
So, hyper, you single?
{{{silent_rob}}}
You seem like a sweet guy, rob. Don’t worry. Some lucky girl will find you one day.
What people don’t realise is, it is advice like this that hurts more. If you stop and think and relate it to your own experience you hate it when people say the same thing to you. No offence Audrey, and I apologise for speaking out on this …
but one of the best lines in a movie is when Oliver Platt and Matthew Perry are talking in Three to Tango and the dialogue roughly goes:
“You know there are plenty more fish in the sea don’t you?”
“I used to believe that, but what if there aren’t? What if I found THE fish?”
On that note - I still think you should play it cool and make her want you
Oh dear.
I’m sorry, silent_rob, if what I said added to the hurt at all.
pLt, thanks for calling me out on that one. No offense taken at all. I just meant… aw poo, never mind what I meant.
Or you could have hit it off great and then she completely ignores you with no explanation whatsoever…
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=20920 (for some reason the posts are out of order…)
The memory of that incident STILL bugs me, even after 4 months. I think her issue was similar to your girl’s–she didn’t want to date anyone at the moment. Which doesn’t make a lot of sense to me unless they really mean they don’t want to date ME at the moment, as if I’d be a good option in the event of nuclear annihilation and we were the only two people left on earth.
Personally, I think that there’s a strong possibility you ran into the classic flirt personality–the kind of girl who sends off all kinds of signals so they’ll get all kinds of attention and feel good about themselves. Or maybe I’m just a tad bitter and cynical at this point.
Don’t let it get you down–there are lots of fish in the aquarium, sharks, barracuda, piranha, bottom-feeders, those spiky pufferfish, and the three-eyed fish from the Simpson’s nuclear powerplant (“Blinky”)…
That’s too bad silent_rob. I’m sorry. That really sucks!
Like the others have said, at least she was up front with you and didn’t string you along. And I agree with plt… go hang out in that bookstore again and make her want you!
I have to say that she is either incredibly insensitive, which would make her a poor companion , or what ? Naive, maybe, scheming? possible, or it could be that she wanted to keep in with her friends, hard to say.
I can imagine that you built up your hopes and feel embarrased at it and perhaps slightly annoyed with yourself for not being able to just walk away without a second thought.
If life were about self-control and denial of emotion then we’d all be Vulcans.
I reckon you’re as human as the rest of us - no bad thing eh?
Warning bells should have gone off in your head when she said “Meet me and my friends…” This is a bad first date waiting to happen. You should have offered an alternate date where the two of you could be alone. Her friends are going to chew you up and spit you out.
The worst first date I ever had was one of these “meet me and my friends” things. I wound up getting stuck with a total bitch and her male and female friends for about 3 hours. I was the evenings entertainment. Not fun.
She was protecting herself. My current relationship started out by both of us saying “I’m not looking for anything serious.” Neither of us was thinking we were “into dating” at the point when we met. We’ve been together over two years now. In your case, she might have said that in order to keep a distance while still giving herself the opportunity to check out what kind of person you are.
I know, I know, not likely. Even if you see her again, group or otherwise, don’t make the mistake of becoming too attached as long as she maintains this “not looking” attitude. Many men, myself included, can tell you of really great friend relationships or potential serious relationships ruined by assuming too much just because you want something to be *so bad[i/].
I know it’s tough always being desired as a buddy, but not as dating potential. I’m not being flip when I encourage you to hang in there.
I apologize in advance for this post. It has been a long and unfun day and if I don’t say this I will probably go to sleep crying. Hell, I might anyway but I might as well give myself a fighting chance not to.
[rant]
I know the intent of this statement, AudreyK . . . and people are probably going to throw rocks at me for saying, but I for one am damn tired of hearing “you’re so nice. You’d make such a good boyfriend” and the like. You think? Then why haven’t I been one yet? Why the fuck am I sitting in a computer lab posting instead of out with my girlfriend? Oh yeah . . . because I don’t have one.
I swear, the next person who says anything even approaching this is going to get one hell of a surprise.
[/rant]
Sorry, didn’t realize this wasn’t in the pit. Apologies to all who had to read that.
Let’s all forget I ever posted to this thread. I’ll just stay out of the consolation business from now on.
Audrey, on the contrary I’d rather someone say that than “You are a waste of oxygen” or “Smelling up the dorm again, Kilmer?”
I just have had a long day . . . sorry again