Reading this thread has reminded me of why I only order pizza from local places and never chains and usually just pick it up. Keeps it simple.
Thanks for your kind service.
The first part of my post is going to be about the horrors of ordering from Papa Johns.
My roommate and I decided to order pizza one night. We called Papa John’s at 5:30. We ask for one large pizza with pepperoni. The estimated time of arrival is 45 mins to one hour. Fine, we say, knowing that they are probably at the beginning of their rush.
Time rolls on.
At 6:45, we call them back. Is our pizza on its way? Yes, the driver JUST left with it, so sorry, take $3 off. Fine.
7:15, we start to worry about said driver… Has he gotten lost, driving the 6 blocks from PJ to us? Has he wrecked, or maybe been beaten to death by another irate customer?
At 7:30, we call again. Oh, there was a mistake, a new pizza is being sent right now. We are also promised a coupon for a free pizza for next time. (Next time?)
Driver boy pulls up in the driveway at 8:45. By this point, we had given up on him and decided to order from the locals, who have terrible service also, but excellent pizza. It got to us in 30 mins.
Driver Boy’s first remark, said with such an "you are an asshole customer "attitude: ’ it’s going to be $14.59’ No apology, no offer of coupons for future orders. Just the total.
Roomie says (exact quote) “Hey, you stupid fuck! Where the fuck have you been ? We ordered this pizza 3 HOURS AGO. Take the pizza back to Papa John and tell him to shove it up his fucking ass!”
Driver Boy <as snooty as possible>: “Sir, you don’t have to use that tone or that kind of language with me”
I open the pizza box. It is cold, the cheeze is congealed, there is grease everywhere. And there is also peppers, onions, and mushrooms on this pizza. Did I mention we only ordered pepperoni?
Roomie: “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. TAKE YOUR GODDAM PIZZA WITH YOU, AND DON’T EVER SET FOOT IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME?”
Driver Boy: “Sir, I am going to report this to my manager. I will make sure that he knows you were upset.”
Roomie: “UPSET! UPSET HE SAYS!” <throws pizza at driver, who was actually still standing there waiting on us to pay for a pizza that was completely wrong, and 3 hours late. Roomie slams door, Driver Boy peels out of driveway and ends up in ditch across from our house. Karma, baby…
The last little tidbit of my post is from the other side of the counter. I work counter in a pizza place for 2 years.
I have had people call me back and bitch at me that their “white pizza” didn’t have any marinara on it. No shit!
I have had stoners call me and order 3 large pizzas, wait about 10 minutes (to let that bong hit sink in, I guess) call back and order the same pizzas.
I had someone call and order a pizza from an address that got banned. The last time our delivery driver went there, he was shot at by the person that lived there. They couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t deliver to them.
I have delivered to people before who tried to pay me with drugs, pennies, coupons from totally other places, gift certificates from Sears, (no kidding) and foreign money.
I have waited on tables that wanted to know if a pizza could be cooked with one half thin crust, the other half thick crust.
The place where I work on the weekends now just got voted Best Gourmet Pizza in Charleston. And, if I do say so myself, the service rocks. (ha ha!)
Man, this whole “reality” place is a fucked up state of affairs!
Just thanking God I don’t eat pizza from those chain restaurants or anywhere else for that matter…nothing but sponge and cheese pushers. YES I said sponge, they use sponges in their dough!
Here’s a totally carb free pizza recipe for ya folks like me that can’t eat carb based pizzas. A little high in the cholesteral (sp) but your intestines wont bind up in knots:
No Carb Pizza
[ul]
[li]4-oz cream cheese[/li][li]3 eggs[/li][li]1/3 cup cream[/li][li]1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese[/li][li]1/2 tsp. oregano[/li][li]1/4 tsp. garlic powder[/li][li]2 cups mixed Italian cheese[/li][li]1/2 cup low/no carb. pizza sauce[/li][li]1 cup of mozzarella cheese[/li][/ul]
pizza toppings of your choice some suggestions:
[ul]
[li]pepperoni[/li][li]ham[/li][li]onion[/li][li]green pepper[/li][li]mushrooms[/li][li]bacon[/li][li]browned sausage or seasoned ground beef[/li][/ul]
additional parmesan cheese for topping
Preheat oven to 375
Beat together cream cheese and eggs til smooth. Add cream, parmesan cheese, and spices and mix again.
Spray oblong casserole dish with PAM. Sprinkle 2 cups italian cheeses into dish and pour egg mixture over it. Bake at 375ºF for about 15 – 20 minutes (until firm). Let stand for 5 minutes.
Spread on pizza sauce, sprinkle 1 cup of mozzarella cheese and pile with your favorite toppings. Then sprinkle with more Parmesan cheese. Return to oven and bake till bubbly and browning. Allow to stand 10 minutes before cutting.
*Italian cheese blends, not pizza cheese, also include Romano, parmesan and some other cheeses. I’m pretty sure that cheddar is not one of them (maybe asiago). Sargento makes an excellent one. – if you use pizza blend on the bottom it will be too soggy.
When my parents built a new house on the edge of town, we quickly discovered that the pizza delivery guys didn’t know where it was.
ME: We’d like to order a pizza.
HALFWIT: Okay.
[Pizza ordering takes place, including giving of address on new street.]
ME: And please make a note to have the delivery person call of directions before he leaves; the house can be difficult to find.
HALFWIT: Okey-dokey.
[An hour passes. I call back.]
ME: Yes, I’m calling to see where our pizza is. [Repeat name, address, and order.]
HALFWIT: Yeah, um, we tried to deliver that, but the driver couldn’t find your house.
ME: Yes, it can be difficult to find; that’s why I ASKED YOU TO HAVE HIM CALL BEFORE HE LEFT!!!
HALFWIT: Oh. Well, he should be back shortly and I’ll send him right back out with it.
ME: With “it” being the pizza in his car, or with the new pizza you’re going to make for us?
HALFWIT: Um, a new one?
ME: Good.
[Another hour goes by. Halfwit calls us.]
HALFWIT: Uh, yeah, we’ve got two pizza here for delivery but we can’t find your house.
I have this exchange very commonly with the highschool geniuses at Burger Kind:
ME: Yes, I’d like a Whopper Jr. meal, please, the Whopper Jr. with cheese, no pickle, no tomato.
GENIUS: That’s a Whopper Jr. meal and a Whopper Jr. . . .
My favorite food-service story is about going through the drive thru with my brother, who HATES tomatoes. He ALWAYS orders no tomatoes on his burgers and he commonly gets them anyway. Well, he must have been having a bad day because we ordered our meal at the Wendy’s drive-thru and they handed out the bag and then shut the little glass doors to the drive up window. My brother unwrapped his burger and found two pick juicy slices of tomato, which he calmly picked off and WHAP! WHAP! tossed them flat against the drive thru window, where they both stuck. As we drove off I could see the surprised Wendy’s flunky peering out at us past the tomatoes stuck to the window. I laughed my ass off. 
That used to happen to me all the time. The secret, I have found, lies in NOT repeating the name of the sandwich. Thus, you say:
This seems to do the trick. Granted, it makes it sound like the toppings apply to the entire meal. Thus, you do run a slight risk of getting cheese on the fries and in the drink as well. But if you’re dealing with counter staff who would do that, then matters have reached a hopeless pass indeed.
:: taking notes :: Thank you, sensei.
My friend and I used to do that when we got pickles at McDonalds. The way the local McDonalds was laid out, there was a booth around the corner that wasn’t visible to any employees. To this day, you can still see the place where the ketchup ate through the paint on the ceiling.
Snatch this tomato from my hand, grasshopper.
Err… Sorry. I’ve done that before.
I was pretty hungry though.