I lost my 19 year old son to a rare pediatric cacer 18 months ago. Seven months ago I was diagnosed with gli blast on a multiforme.prognosisis is ten to twelve months. This week my oldest son’s father died suddenly of heart disease. my whole family is inourning.i am grieving and anxious. what should I do for my family and myself? All suggestions will get serious consideration and be appreciated.
I am so sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine your grief and stress.
When my sister died last year, she had already told us what she wanted for her funeral, and her passwords to her Facebook and other accounts and what she wanted done with them. It made it a lot easier to know where she wanted her service, what songs she wanted at the wake, and what to do about email and Facebook. She also gave away some items that she wanted certain people to have, giving them to the people personally and telling why she wanted them to have the items. I know planning for the time after she was gone was difficult for her, but it made it better for us knowing we were doing what she wanted.
I’m not sure what to tell you to do for yourself because anything I say will seem trite since I’m not in your position. Try your best to make peace with your life and thoughts is all I can think, but that’s easy for me to say.
Again, I’m so sorry.
It’s not my business but if you have any religious faith, of whatever flavor, you could speak to the clergy. If they don’t specialize in this sort of personal counseling they may be able to refer you to certified counselors.
Our county health agency has counselors for mental/emotional health issues. A doctor could give you information on the sort of local services are available.
I’m sorry you are in this dilemma. I can feel a little of it. I lost my father and a beloved aunt just over a year ago, and this year my mother has been diagnosed with cancer. I will think of you.
On a practical note try to get enough sleep and eat regular meals. Physical health will allow you to deal with what you are going through.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through and are going through. I’m sure you’ll get a lot of suggestions for practical things you can do, but I will suggest taking care of yourself, which may include seeing a counselor. Maybe you can learn meditation- that should help you be able to relax and help your anxiety. I hope that, whatever you choose to do, you find some comfort and peace.
My suggestion feels lame but have you spoken with a bereavement counsellor at all? It sounds like you have at least one son who has lost his brother, father and will lose his mother soon. If you could find counselling for him and yourself (and any other family who are close to you), to help you with the many layers of grief you’re experiencing, it may give you strategies for coping. It may also provide continuity for your son when you’re no longer with him.
I can’t fathom how hard this must be for you and your family. I read recently that saying you’ll keep someone in your thoughts during times of sorrow isn’t really helpful. You and your family will be in my thoughts though, and I regret that I can’t see how I can help. I’m heartbroken for you. I wish you comfort and peace.
Agree with the people above who have suggested a bereavement counselor. It was advice we were given after the death of our younger son and I feel strongly that it helped us plow through. Me in particular on days when I didn’t think I could get out of bed.
I’ve not had as much trauma as you have this past 18 months, but I have suffered the death of a child and a sibling in years past. This year was two surgeries for my husband and my own brush with death illness that left me unable to walk and in rehab until I regained my strength and got my legs back under me.
I am so sorry for all you are going through. Sending you sincere thoughts for peace and comfort going forward.
If it helps you’re not entirely alone. Everyone’s life is of course unique, but others’ may have similar experiences.
I am very sorry to hear that you have had so many tragedies in your family. 
Have your doctors connected you with hospice services? If so, then I would definitely talk to them about what kind of resources they have to help you and your family come to terms with what has happened. Hospice usually does offer some bereavement counseling or support groups of some sort to help people with the transition.
If you haven’t yet had a conversation with your doctor about hospice, then I think this is a good time to talk about it. Hospice doesn’t mean “giving up” - it means trying to make sure that however much time you have, it is quality time (and in some cases, people even live longer with hospice because as I am sure you are well aware, sometimes the attempts to treat cancer can cause side effects and problems sadly). My experience has been that most people who work in that arena are extremely kind and supportive people who understand that this is a heartbreaking time for your family.
Best wishes to all of you in this very sad and difficult time.
Do you have an internist or access to a medical doctor? Without knowing the specifics of your situation, it could be one where the emotional stress causes real harm. Your physician can prescribe medication if needed and refer you to grief counselors to help you and your family cope.
Wow. Sometimes life shits on your head, and sometimes it lays maggot eggs in the shit for good measure.
I don’t have anything to say except you have my sympathies. Try to hang in there.
I have no idea what advice to offer; just have my heartfelt condolences and sorrow. One family should not have to deal with so much.
I had a big loss this year and my mind just wouldn’t let my body rest. I started taking a couple of Xanax every few days and it seemed to help. I was careful with taking it though, there’s no sense in creating another problem. I agree that meeting with a bereavement counselor is a good idea.
Oh Little Cloud I am so sorry for all your losses, and if I am reading you right, your own impending death?
I lost a daughter to illness and a brother to suicide. I did not find counseling or support groups helpful, though if it sounds good to you, do it. I found they had me spending MORE time not less in sad emotions. I’m not saying sad emotions are bad, they are natural, but I was already spending plenty of time there.
I needed to find ways to experience some daily pleasure. My little pleasures do not make pain go away, but exist alongside the pain, so at least I’m often having some pleasure too.
Everybody’s pleasures are different but I think it can be very helpful to figure out what they are for you and schedule and dedicate some time to them every day and every week.
Some things that bring me reliable and frequent pleasure: drinking coffee, drinking wine, eating ice cream, watching certain very specific TV, listening to British comedy podcasts, napping.
Some things that people often suggest that do nothing for me (or make me feel worse): meditation, baths, talking about my feelings, spending time in nature. I mention this list just to point out that just because something is frequently helpful to others and frequently suggested doesn’t mean it is right FOR YOU. If you try something people often suggest and it does nothing for you that’s fine, find what gives YOU pleasure.
I am so sorry, my heart goes out to you. The question that came into my mind as I thought about you was to wonder if there is some activity that makes you feel good about making a positive difference in the world, even beyond what you have already done by loving and caring for your children and family members. There is no doubt in my mind that you have a lot to give, for example I think it’s likely that your experiences have made you capable of a depth of empathy that most could only try to imagine. If you and your family used your skills and capacity for love to help others (could be old ones or young ones or animals or anyone who has a hard road to walk), I wonder if it might bring you joy and fulfillment even with the pain of your losses. I can imagine that it would be challenging to find the energy to do this but I wanted to pass along this thought in case it is any use to you.
I’d just like to add my voice to those offering sympathy, even though I know it is too small a gesture to help.
I have never gone through such sustained sad events, so it would be presumptuous for me to offer any advice. Since you are looking for ideas, though, I’ll suggest filling your life with as much music as you can while you persevere. Sometimes I have thought to myself, “how will I ever cope if something really horrible happens and I have no choice but to stay strong and deal with it?” and the first part of my answer is, “I will play all my favorite songs that give me energy, and that will keep me moving when all I want to do is sit motionless and cry.”
I know that probably doesn’t help at all. I am so sorry you and your family have to go through so much loss in such a short period of time.