Frau Blucher must have been lurking in the darkness.
I’ve read that the “squeal like a pig” line from Deliverance was an improvised line that could be used in a TV-edited version of the film, but the director liked it better and decided to use it in the actual movie.
The first time Eddie and the Cruisers appeared of TV, you couldn’t say “hell,” or at least couldn’t say it in the time slot when the movie was shown. Now, if you haven’t seen Eddie and the Cruisers, it’s about a band who had an album called A Season in Hell, which got mentioned over and over again. In the edited version, they just blanked out the word “hell,” without replacing it with anything (like, I don’t know, “a season in Hades”? just, something). So every time the mentioned the title, it was “A season in [silence].” The silence lasted exactly as long as it took the character to mouth the word “hell.”
It was annoying.
The first time I saw the movie Hart’s War (Bruce Willis, Colin Ferrell, WWII movie with plot holes a Sherman could be driven through) was the edited for television version. While most of the movie is horrible there was a scene I found somewhat dramatic and moving. The America P.O.W.s were tossing loaves of bread to their Soviet counterparts who were being treated far less humanely. The Germans guards stop this by shooting the hand of the guy doing the throwing. The leader of the Americans played by Bruce Willis picks up the fallen loaf of bread, utters the censored line “Feed them,” (implying that he was directing his second in command that if the Germans shot him dead, the Americans were to continue aiding the Soviet P.O.W.s) and then heroically throws the bread over to their Soviets. I was very disappointed upon viewing the uncensored version of the movie that his actual line was “Fuck them.”
Robin Hood: Men in Tights:
Original line:
Prince John: Such an unusual name, “Latrine.” How did your family come by it?
Latrine: We changed it in the 9th century.
Prince John: You mean you changed it TO “Latrine”?
Latrine: Yeah. Used to be “Shithouse.”
Prince John: It’s a good change. That’s a good change!
The edited line removes Latrine’s last sentence, making the joke completely incomprehensible.
In the UK Die Hard became “yippee kai eh Kimosabe”
When the Blues Brothers was shown on TV, there was all kinds of swearing dubbed over, but that’s not the change that stuck with me. It was during the period when the (ironically Mafia-backed) Italian American Anti-Defamation League was putting pressure on the media not to use the word Mafia, claiming it was an ethnic slur. Consequently, when Jake and Elwood retreat backstage at their concert and Jake says, “My god, the Mafia’s out there!” it’s clumsily dubbed to “My god, the Mob’s out there!”
Midnight Run. De Niro says to Grodin - ‘I’ve got only two words to say to you - shut the fuck up!’
On British TV this became ‘I’ve only got two words to say to you - shut up!’, entirely negating the joke.
MiM
My family used to laugh about these all the time. Some that I still remember:
Caddyshack; Original: “Hey everybody! We’re all going to get laid!” TV: “Hey everybody! We’re all going to take a shower!”
Weird Science: Original: “But first, let me…butter yer muffin.” TV: “But first, let me…better know ya, muffin!”
Sixteen Candles: Original: “No more yankee my wankee - the Donger needs food!” TV: “No more Yankee rum drinkee!”
Smokey and the Bandit: making this one extra great was that the guy they got to dub Jackie Gleason’s lines sounded absolutely nothing like him, so every time he said “sumbitch” the sound dropped out and a much deeper bad southern voice said “scum bum”
But our all-time favorite is Casino when it aired on USA Network. They very lazily changed every “fuck” to “freak.” Every single one. All Four Hundred and Thirty-Five of them. It’s actually surreal, hearing Sharon Stone say “Freak you, you freaking motherfreaker!” Or DeNiro say “Oh Freak Yooou, FREEEEAK YOOOOOUUU!”
Frank Caliendo’s take on replacement words.
I came in here to mention this. In addition to the voice mismatch, Roger was being very emphatic in his speech, overemphasizing each syllable, making it incredibly obvious by watching his lips what he was saying. The dubbing was so bad that we wondered if it was done on purpose, as a middle finger to the network, or a way to highlight instead of hide what he was really saying.
It was actually hilarious in its own right.
“Shtupp” is Yiddish for “fuck”.
Did they edit the infamous “N word”?
“The Breakfast Club” where Molly Ringwald is clearly saying “Fuck you” but it’s coming out “Shut up.”
Not TV but radio: the Dire Straits song “Money for Nothing” is now missing the “little faggot with the earring and the makeup” verse.
…and I just remembered Alanis Morisette’s “You Oughta Know” on the radio: “Are you thinking of me when you…fghrrrr.”
Thank you, Counselor. 
Don’t think so. At least, not very much. If they had, there wouldn’t have been much of a movie.
I think they left in “Kansas City faggots,” too.
“Jerking off” and “asshole” were definitely cut.
So much was cut, in fact, they had to insert a scene I’d never seen before to make it last at least two hours, even with commercials: Bart and the Kid encounter a bunch of Baptists while they’re running from the Klansmen and use them to duck into the river.
Actually, “shtup” is more like Yiddish for “nail” or “boff.” It’s not quite as offensive as “fuck.” No one would ever say “fuck” in front of a child back when I was a child, and they would say “shtup.” (Not to children, just let it slip in adult conversations when children were present.) The worst Yiddish word imaginable was apparently “shmuck,” which people didn’t say in front of children, and which children got their mouths washed out with soap (or at any rate, that was the threat) for saying “shmuck.”*
Actually, there was a word for “girl parts” that I never even heard until I was a teenager that maybe was even worse. I’m really not sure.
*My mother only actually washed my mouth out with soap once. She got a small amount of soap on a damp rag and wiped my mouth out with it. It wasn’t for any particular word, though. It was for saying something unkind, of which I am now very ashamed, and I think I deserved the punishment. I was also grounded for the rest of the day. I was eight or nine and knew better.
Mrs. Plant (v.2.0) told me that. I converted to marry her. Was it all in vain? :eek:
In one interview (for Playboy, I think), Mel Brooks said (jokingly, I’m sure) that at one point he considered calling ***Blazing ***Saddles “***She ******Shtupps ***to Conquer.”
The one that irks me most from the Blue Brothers is Charles Napier’s best line: “yer gonna look pretty damn funny eating corn on the cob…with no fuckin’ teeth !” gets hacked to “yer gonna look pretty … funny eating corn” WTF ???
If you had not beaten me to it (by quite a long margin) this would have been mine.
I also “like” the way Ghostbusters changes from calling Peck dickless to some nonsense about a weasel.
The one that bugs me the most is them completely cutting out the phrase “Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ.” I mean…it makes that scene. It’s my favorite line in the movie.
They also cut out the word “shit” in the “You’re really up shit creek” line with the nun. It’s, “You’re really up a creek.” And they change the “Christ” to “God.” The nun-ruler-desk-slap scene doesn’t work if you change all of the swear words.