Recap: Had a friend who was in a bad living situation with an ex/roomate for many years. During that time I unsuccessfully tried to get him to kick her out for his own good. Later, I dated a woman whose friend was single, and I introduced my friend to her friend. They’ve been together ever since.
Lately talking with my friend, it seems like he’s just a little too proud of himself. I mean, yeah, its great he’s getting married; I’d certainly enjoy being in position (marrying a woman whose family is loaded, generous and very friendly). But sometimes he acts like it happened because of some huge personal attitude shift on his end. It didn’t.
The truth is, had I not been so willing to meet people online, they wouldn’t have met. Nor would they have met if I hadn’t introduced them to each other. At the time, it seemed like my friend would be putting up with his ex indefinitely; I figured maybe if I introduced him to someone (since he’s not outgoing enough to do it himself) it would have a positive impact on his life, given that he’s not up to listening to someone telling him the obvious (that’s fine, if he wants to be miserable because he doesn’t want to follow advice its his choice).
She pressed getting married early in the relationship, he gave his ex/roomate a year(!) to find a replacement roomate and they eventually moved in together in her parents’ house. I’m happy for them. But over the phone my friend was boasting as though all of this was because of what he did. Its not so much I’m annoyed I’m not getting credit for his happiness, I guess its more that I wished he showed a little humility, acknolege the luck involved in his happiness, and the motivation to continue to improve as a person now that he will be spending the rest of his life with someone.
Well if he hadn’t been appealing she would have turned him down yup? So its easy to see how he can think it is all down to his own efforts. And really… your last sentence ending with “that he will be spending the rest of his life with someone” err so what? Anyone can hook up with someone. Its incomplete. Do you mean someone wealthy? Someone devoted? Someone special?
Am sorry if I am misinterpreting your post but I can’t help tasting a little sour grape here.
When you say he should be more appreciative of his luck in forming this relationship, are you not really pointing out that the luck ws down to you?
You say that he is behaving as though it was down to some huge personality shift within himself. well it seem sit was. You introduced him to a girl and he moved on from the deadbeat ( my words) room mate to a more positive prospect.
As I say I may be misreading this. If so apologies
While I agree that he sounds like a dick (as so many people seem to be in the early stages of a great relationship – they find someone and suddenly they’re freaking Ann Landers), better that you acknowledge it quietly (as you are doing here) than turn into one of those people who can’t shut up about how the people he set up and found happiness together ‘owe them.’ It would be nice if he gave you a shout out during his wedding speech, but like manila said, unless you sprinkled them with fairy dust, they made the relationship work, not you.
Keep in mind that this works both ways. If she ends up mistreating him or cheating on him and they divorce, you don’t want him blaming the whole thing on you, do you?
Most people won’t make any major change until they see the tangible benefit or reward standing right in front of them.
Good for you for getting your buddy out of a bad relationship. But the rules of the game mean he will never thank you. He doesn’t sound that strong a guy on his own bat.
But if in a few years she turns into an absolute harridan-bitch-from-hell… then you can bet your bottom dollar he will be giving you all the credit for introducing him
I can somewhat see where you’re coming from, Incubus. My oldest brother-in-law is not particularly good at anything, and he acts like his success comes from his own hard work and cleverness, instead of being born lucky and marrying a woman (my sister) who has worked her ass off for him to strut around like a barnyard rooster. You can’t really do anything about people who don’t interface with reality so well; they certainly don’t appreciate you pointing out their flawed perception.
Maybe your friend is re-writing the past in the way he wished it had gone - that he got off his ass and got his shit together, instead of getting his shit together after someone kicked him in the ass. I can guarantee you, this will not be the first time in your life that you meet someone who believes what they want to believe.
