Best insult in TV/Film?

Cafe Society
81

This reminds me of a societal-satirical superhero/supervillian spoof comic in Playboy around 1969. It was a two-part one-shot about a man-hating woman, Lydia Maim, who turns into the ferocious (and much bulkier) Manly Woman with a single spoken word: DESTROY!

While there is indication that she hates men in general and tries to destroy them without distinction, her chief nemesis/victim is clearly HostileMan, both in civilian life and as costumed super adventurers.

At the end of the part 1, (name?), perennial fool-victim of Lydia’s has just been in the middle of typing an apologetic letter to Lydia, when he inadvertantly types out his own magic word, HURT. (As in: “…rather than ever hurt you…”)

Upon being transformed by the word his demeanor and intentions radically shift and he flies over to confront Lydia, while remarking that he will “make short work of that bitch.”

Upon being confronted Lydia asks to be momentarily excused to the next room, where she promptly pronounces: DESTROY!

This is where the cliffhanger ends.

Part two starts with a brief Manly Woman origin story, including a nod to the Wertham-inspired meme that Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson were gay. (Briefly, Lydia was married to BRUCE Maim, much neglected, and then finally totally abandoned for his young male ahem “personal secretary.” Then a mysterious voice announced that she was to be the beneficiary of great powers and a certain mission against all men.)

The remainder of the segment consists of a “battle” that is almost entirely a giant verbal pissing-contest, with individual exchanges punctuated by a supposed boxing announcer (unseen) saying either “Manly Woman’s round” or the opposite, or “tie round.”

But finally one challenges the other to bed, and, after much further bickering, the result is mutual ecstasy and an agreement to part in peace. She initiailly still intends to destroy other men, but finds that she can no longer “find the wherewithal,” but he observes from a distance and merely remarks “it worked!”

Well, this WAS in Playboy!

All of this is just to bring up the opening confronational remarks in the splash panel betwen the two “comabtants.” Manly Woman, on the left, sneers at HostileMan saying:

“So this is the great (?) HostileMan! Behind that formidable (?) exterior all I see is a frightened little boy!”

HostileMan is quick to return the insult, in spades.

“So this is the great (?) Manly Woman! Behind that burly(?) exterior all I see is a frightened little…”

[del] girl[/del] BOY!

:stuck_out_tongue:

  • “Jack”
82

The Office]

Dwight Schrute: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn’t have points or scores; it doesn’t have winners or losers.

Jim: Oh, it has losers.

83

Hey, laser lips! Your mama was a snow blower!

84

Real life experience:

In my twenties, I hung out with a bunch of friends, many of whom lived at a particular apartment complex. We were getting some folks together to go to a movie or something and I called one of the girls to see if she wanted to go. She said she had to give her dog a bath.

I told the others that I had hit bottom: I had been turned down by a girl not so she could wash her hair, but so that she could wash her dog’s hair.

I’m just glad it wasn’t for an actual date. I would have never recovered.
RR

85

From a different medium, computer games – Baldur’s Gate 2, to be exact:

Jan: Anomen, my friend, I realise I’ve been less than polite with you in the past and I wish to apologize.
Anomen: Verily, you have played me most false.
Jan: Indeed! All know you’re an unrepentant ass. 'Tis not my place to say so.
Anomen: Shut up, gnome.
Jan: Your ugliness, both in body and soul, thought true, is inappropriate for discussion and rankly impolite. You’re stupid, poorly educated, and always smell faintly of lilacs, but it was wrong of me to bring attention to it.
Anomen: Silence before I CRACK YOUR SKULL!
Jan: Arrogant, drunken, priggish, whiny, pompous are common adjectives used to describe you, but I was wrong to say so. You are completely incapable of independent thought and soil yourself with regularity seldom found outside the nursery. I shall no longer bring these things up in front of the others.
It’s not what you’d call intelligent or subtle, but it gets the job done.

And I can’t leave this topic without throwing in a bit of Much Ado About Nothing, the first Shakespeare play I ever saw:
Benedick (referring to Balthazar’s singing: An he had been a dog that should have howled thus, they would have hanged him.
RR

86

From the great TV series Homicide: Life on the Streets. This gem in the strained relationship between the grizzled vet Frank Pembleton and the new kid Tim Bayliss.
Bayliss: You know what your problem is Frank? You never say please, you never say thank you.

Pembleton: Please don’t be an idiot. Thank you.

87

From Ghostbusters:

Sigourney Weaver: “You know, you don’t really seem like a scientist.”
Bill Murray (modestly): “Yeah, well, most of those guys are pretty stiff.”
Sigourney Weaver: “You’re more like a gameshow host.”

88

Very good, everyone. I’ll add one more to my thread, this time from the movie Maverick.

Maverick(analyzing the situation):

Besides, they’re shod horse tracks.
Indians don’t shoe their ponies.

Annabelle:

They’re Indians. They probably stole the ponies.

Maverick:* Not everybody’s like you.*

It’s all the delivery. I swear I confuse this quote as something Mal said to Saffron on Firefly, but it’s Maverick.

89

I don’t think so. Surely it just means that he’d prefer somone with clean hair.

90

Lion in Winter has great insults:
Prince John: Poor John. Who says poor John? Don’t everybody sob at once! My God, if I went up in flames there’s not a living soul who’d pee on me to put the fire out!

Prince Richard: Let’s strike a flint and see.

** Eleanor:** What would you have me do? Give out? Give up? Give in?

Henry II: Give me a little peace.

Eleanor: A little? Why so modest? How about eternal peace? Now there’s a thought.

91

From one of my all-time favorite movies Groundhog Day:

Ned: Phil, this is the best day of my life.
Phil: Mine too.
Rita: Mine too.
Ned: Where are we going?
Rita: Oh, let’s not spoil it!

92

Sports Night:

Sally Sasser: “Can I give you my credentials?”
Issac Jaffe: “I see no way of stopping you.”

93

Several from the wonderful 1980s TV show Moonlighting:

Damn, I miss that show. I’ve got to get the DVDs out of storage…

94

The verb is “rather”.

95

No, the verb is “would.” “Rather” is an adverb.

96

Perhaps inspired by the (possibly apocryphal) Talullah Bankhead story. She was supposedly being interwiewed on the phone by a man with a high-pitched voice who asked “Have you ever been mistaken for a man on the telephone?” to which her reply was "No dahling, have you?

97

I’m sorry for hijacking, but no, it’s not. Replace rather with prefer. “I’d prefer someone with clean hair.” No change in meaning or syntax. Rather’s a verb in that sentence. If it was used as “I’d rather date someone with clean hair,” then you’d be right.

Back on topic, I’m surprised nobody’s brought up Dr. Cox from Scrubs. One of the few men that could impress Blackadder.

98

Ah, yes, Dr. Cox:

He has just told Eliot she got the chief resident job, then after JD explodes, tells him they’re co-chief residents:

*‘What with Barbie here being ridiculously book-smart to the point where she has almost no interpersonal skills and you being warm and cuddly as an un-potty trained labradoodle and about as useful in high-stress medical situations as an un-potty trained labradoodle, together the two of you make one barely passable doctor… slash labradoodle.’ *

After Eliot has her makeover:

Elliot: Oh, Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?
Dr. Cox: No, Barbie, no… it makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively to clowns.

Exchange with his arch-nemesis:

*Dr. Kelso: If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you can’t schedule love.
Dr. Cox: I think your credit card statement would beg to differ. *

99

The past tense is why it didn’t make any sense to me - she would have had to have said “I’d like to kiss you but I have to wash my hair” and leave off the past tense altogether.

As mentioned, I would prefer to kiss almost any woman, some men, and more than a few household appliances rather than Ms. Davis. So she could wash herself cleaner than Miss Clairol for all of me, and I wouldn’t be insulted at all.

Regards,
Shodan

100

Love it!