I don’t think there was a Simpsons porn tape episode. The judge (voiced by the late, great Lynne Thigpen) was most certainly talking to Hank.
My all time favorite “King of the Hill” quote is what a woman Boomhauer had been seeing said to him:
“Boomhauer, most of the time I don’t understand a word you’re saying. I just smile, nod, and wait for your pants to come off.”
Last week’s episode had lots of great quotes (and Luanne finally got a full-time job), but the quote page leaves out:
Luanne: “Oh, my gosh, you are my first ever customer! Now, don’t worry, if I screw up, your hair will grow back.”
From the episode where Khan get’s an SUV that’s too big to fit in his garage.
Kahn “Maybe I put garage in car!”
Bobby: I’m a hippie, and I’m naked because…I smoked all my clothes.
I don’t mean to be a pest, but this is my favorite quote ever…it’s “Maybe I put garage in SUV! ::insert Kahn’s patented laugh here::”
After several tries to get the SUV into the garage.
“Don’t lie to me, son! You’ve brought charcoal into this house! Let us pray.”
Bobby gets into a sewing class. Hank comes into Bobby’s room; he’s aghast to see a cheerleader’s outfit. “There’d better be a naked cheerleader under your bed!”
“Guns don’t kill people. The government does.” - Dale Gribble
When Khan and family first move in, and Hank gives them some “propane and propane accessories” for a house-warming.
Khan replies, “You honor me by giving me gas.”
We often talk about “honoring” the car when it needs to be filled. I slipped up at work once when someone asked me where I went for lunch - “Oh, I ran to Target, honored the car…”
Cue “have you lost your mind?” look from perplexed co-worker.
Bobby: I like Willie Nelson. He’s got long hair, and he’s alternative.
Hank: Now you take that back! I’ve followed that man from Country and Western, to Country, to Adult Contemporary, and that’s as far as I’m going!
Boomhauer (at Hank’s imaginary funeral): Dang, dang ol’ whyyyy? Whyyy?!
Stewart Dooley (buying a ticket to the charity fat kids’ fashion show featuring Bobby): WE’LL DO IT FOR THE KIDS.
Dooley is clearly the funniest character on the show, but it’s his tone of voice, not the things he says.
Bobby and Hank pull into the Megalomart parking lot [if I remember right, a tornado was on its way] and Bobby turns to Hank and says, “Maybe, just maybe, they’ll have fruit pies.”
Dale to Hank in the episode inwhich the police mistakenly think Dale is on a tower with a sniper rifle.
“You were on my list of trustables, Hank. It was a very short list. I wasn’t even on it.”
(about to take Bobby to a place with games like Chucky-Cheese…)
Hank: Come on Bobby. Those moles aren’t going to whack themselves.
Mike Judge: The story you have just seen is based on a true event. At the battle of Cerro Gordo in 1847, the Illinois Volunteer Infantry captured the artificial leg of Mexican General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana, while the General and his men feasted on a lunch of roasted chicken. Unfortunately, Santa Ana’s leg still resides in an Illinois museum. If you would like to join the movement to return the leg to the Mexican people, write Illinois Senator Richard J. Durbin. Thank you, and good night.
[sub]Possibly the dryest smartass line in television history, “Heh heh, they stole his leg. If you want to send it back, you can call a senator.”[/sub]
When King of the Hill was pre-empted for the Cardinals game because Mark McGwire might hit his 70th home run (he did), they aired an intro where Hank asked McGwire to please hit the home run so the show could be aired again. I can’t find the text, but it was really funny.
Dale is saying that with drug testing, the price of a jar of clean urine is gonna go up.
Bill: “What’ll happen to the price of poo poo?”
The one where Hank finds out he suffers from Diminished Glutial Syndrome or something like that, and then his friends from the support group show up at the mower race:
“We’re here! No rear! Get used to it!”
Oh, but you forgot to include Dale’s response…
Dale: Unchanged.
The last couple of episodes had a couple of quotes that have stuck in my mind:
Luanne: “Lightning is like God taking our picture before he kills us.”
Dale: “My security company is a bust. I guess this is the wrong economic climate for an expensive, poorly trained visionary.”
I think what I like about King of the Hill lines is that they never really sound like jokes, but coming out of the characters’ mouths, they can be funny because of what it says about that particular character.