Coupla weeks ago, I notice a photo of a little newborn baby above the counter the place where I buy lunch or a soda each day. It’s got a little paper sign saying “Joe Jr.” I say to Joe behind the counter, “That’s your son? You’re a father? Congratulations!” Big beaming smile, a few more nice noises, then I leave.
Today I happen to notice the photo isn’t there anymore. “Where’s the photo of the little guy?” I ask with a smile. Brief silence. Joe says, “Well, it turns out that he… well, he wasn’t MINE.” I can tell by the looks of the other guys behind the counter that this has been much discussed.
I stammer “Are you kidding me?” He assures me he isn’t. Okay then. Oh boy. I came up with “Wellll, congratulations, I guess, on not having to pay for college in 18 years” and I flee the store as I hear him snort.
Not my best recovery, but given what a dumbass I usually am, it borders on brilliant.
Howsabout you? Any good saves to report? Any terrible ones?
Happened just the other day. I said to a lady holding a little baby, “What’s her name?” She replies, laughing, “He’s a boy!” I blink twice and manage to get out, “Sorry about that, little fella. Hope I didn’t warp you too much.”
I once did the classic “when’s your baby due?” to a not-pregnant-just-large-in-the-belly-area woman. After she growled “I’m not pregnant”, for some reason I thought it would help to say “Well, as good as you look someone should be sleeping with you.”
My Friends mom (she’s German) asked a lady when she was due.
The lady was not pregnant.
My friends mom (realizing her mistake) looked at her funny, then said “is that not how you say it in English?”
then she said something to my friend in German and said, laughing, “Oh I’m so sorry! In German that is a saying that means 'when are you going home”(or something equally silly)" note
This “wrong translation” bit only works if the other person doesn’'t know the language!
