Who can forget this classic line from Full Metal Jacket (does it belong HERE or the thread about worst lines?):
“I bet you’re the kind of guy that would f*** a person in the a** and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.”
Edit; There are some other great lines from the film but they contain racial epithets so I was NOT sure they would be appropriate to post here.
“This is the perfect time to panic!” Toy Story
I’d rank that second on “funniest lines” list.
First? I’d give it to:
“Where’re all the white women at?”
Blazing Saddles.
A great line, just one of those great comedic moments played out perfectly.
You know how to dial, don’t you, Rigby? You just put your finger in the hole, and make little circles."
-Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid
“The cheaper the crook the gaudier the patter.”
Humphrey Bogart as Sam Spade to Sidney Greenstreet as Mr. Gutman re: Elisha Cook, Jr. (can’t remember his character’s name).
“That’s not flying, that’s-- falling with style!”
Probably because it was Wilmer Cook.
Ha! That’s right. And I think I did notice it. Old brain.
I’ve thought myself, “Cook – no that’s the actor’s name.”
All dames are alike – they reach down your throat so they can grab your heart, pull it out, throw it on the floor, stomp on it with their high heels, spit on it, shove it in the oven and cook the shit out of it, then slice it into little pieces, slap it on a hunk of toast, serve it to you, and they expect you to say “thanks honey, it’s delicious!”
“Happiness consists in getting enough sleep. Just that, nothing more. All the wealthy, unhappy people you’re ever met take sleeping pills; Mobile Infantrymen don’t need them. Give a cap trooper a bunk and time to sack out in it and he’s as happy as a worm in an apple - asleep.”
― Robert A. Heinlein, Starship Troopers
But she was naked,…and all articulate.
–Mal Reynolds
You guys are so unhip it’s a wonder your bums don’t fall off.
–Zaphod Beeblebrox
We’re in the pipe, 5 by 5.
–Cpl Ferro
Sam Diamond: You know how to whistle, don’t you, baby?
Tess Skeffington: Certainly. What do you mean? I don’t understand…
Sam Diamond: All right, never mind. Forget it. You ruined it.
–Murder by Death.
Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.
-The Godfather.
Or, Indeed, a Shakespeare In Love one.
Will is addressed by his cab driver (in a row boat taxi):
I had that Christopher Marlowe in my boat once…
j
As it happens, I’m a bit of a playwright myself…
This one from the Get Smart reboot cracked us up when our kid was 8 – and we still laugh about it today:
Smart: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Chief: I don’t know. Were you thinking, “Holy shit, holy shit, a swordfish almost went through my head”? If so, then yes.
Queen Elizabeth:
Have a care with my name - you will wear it out!
j
“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”
Hale knew, before he had been in Brighton three hours, that they meant to murder him.
Graham Greene - Brighton Rock
Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.
Gabriel García Márquez - One Hundred Years of Solitude