Best Songs about Whiney Losers...

I’d also nominate the same band’s “Berlin Chair” - it’s more imagery than an obvious narrative, but the entire song is basically from the viewpoint of a guy who’s telling a girl who likes him that he’s a whining loser.

If she waits around he’ll give all his aches to her. He’s the rerun that she’ll always have to force herself to sit through. He likens himself to a sculpture that’s too fragile to serve as the furniture it’s named after.

But, if she really wants to, she can get involved with him and “lean on me 'til I break”.

The first time I heard it I assumed that I missed the “…but I love you and that makes it all O.K.” section. Nope. Just whining.

Andrew Gold’s Oh, What a Lonely Boy seems to fit the OP.

This kid is so whiny that, when he just turned two, he felt so betrayed by his parents (when they had a daughter) that he left home when he was 17, hoping “to find all the love that he had lost in that earlier time.”

Who knew that two year-olds had such delicate hearts and perfect memories!

Alone Again Or (the Damned version)

Also Gilbert O’Sullivan’s “Alone Again (Naturally)”

Oh, definitely. Also consider Moving Pictures’s “What About Me”: http://www.project80s.com/lyrics/song-lyrics.php?song=what-about-me-moving-pictures

Frank Sinatra / Billie Holliday’s “I’m a Fool to Want You” goes near the top of the list:

*Time and time again I said I’d leave you
Time and time again I went away
But then would come the time when I would need you
And once again these words I had to say

Take me back, I love you
Pity me, I need you*

"Gordon is a Moron by Jilted John.

Oh, she is cruel and heartless
to pack me for Gordon
Just cos he’s better looking than me
Just cos he’s cool and trendy

But I know he’s a moron, Gordon is a moron
Gordon is a moron, Gordon is a moron

how about “Feelings”?

"Feelings, wo-o-o feelings…’

Wasn’t there a TAXI episode where Louis DePalma stood at a jukebox with a beer in hand playing it over and over (and singing to it) because he got dumped by his girlfriend?

Hands down, Hope by Descendents:

Embedded audio version. Rawk.

In the category of “suffering in silence noisily”, I give you:

Crying in the Rain by the Everly Brothers

Silence is Golden by the Tremeloes

and finally

Mrs Brown You’ve got A Lovely Daughter by Herman’s Hermits

Soooo…why did you go around to talk to her mother?

Obviously the daughter was just a ruse. Herman’s after that hot cougar action, baby!

If that were the actual intended subtext, that song would be so much better…

I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You - Hootie and the Blowfish’s cover of a classic Tom Waits tune.

And how could we forget the Who (who?):

No one knows what it’s like to be the bad man,
To be the sad man behind blue eyes.
No one knows what it’s like to be hated,
To be fated to telling only lies.

I’ve got Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks

Well, they couldn’t come out and just say it in those days (Simon and Garfunkel notwithstanding).

You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away - Lennon

This and Andrew Gold’s “Lonely Boy” have got to be the winners in the all-time self-pity sweepstakes.

I liked Dave Barry’s comment about the O’Sullivan lyric where he contemplates climbing a nearby tower and throwing himself off.

“Don’t let us stop you, Gilbert!”

The Spin Doctors’ “Jimmy Olsen’s Blues” isn’t about a loser per se, but c’mon - Jimmy competing with Superman for Lois’ attention? At least when he tries to do something about it he goes armed with a pocket full of kryptonite.

Well, I went and … listened to a bunch of Everly Brothers songs. I think they should get an award for lifetime achievement in whiney loser songs.