Forget what the Incredibles say. There is a use to the villainous monologue, but only if you do it right. There needs to be a credible reason for the villain to say it; it needs to be brief; and it needs to be done right.
This clip from the Justice League Unlimited finalehas one of the best, but I’m sure my fellow Dopers can find other worthy ones.
“Ah, Father. You’re so wrong. Let me explain. Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction, disorder, and chaos. Now, take this empty glass, here it is: peaceful, serene, boring. But if it is destroyed–”
(he smashes the glass, little machines emerge to dust up the pieces)
"Look at all these little things, so busy now. Notice how each one is useful. What a lovely ballet ensues, so full of form and color. Now, think about all those people that created them. Technicians, engineers, hundreds of people who will be able to feed their children tonight so those children can grow up big and strong and have little teenie-weenie children of their own and so one and so forth, thus adding to the great chain… of life.
You see, Father, by creating a little destruction, I’m in fact encouraging life. In reality, you and I are in the same business. Cheers."
(I can’t believe I still don’t own The Fifth Element…)
Are you restricting it to over-the-top Villiany?
Personally I would have to say the best Villianous Monologues are the ones where, at the end you start to realize that maybe he has a point, and isn’t a caricature of evil. His methods may be ‘evil’ his ends are more ambiguous, but still a fair bit insane.
The best recent example is Nicholson’s “You can’t handle the truth” from a few good men.
The Immortal Bard was the master of the villainous monologue, and he was at the top of his game with King Lear.
Act I, Scene II:
Another gem from Edmund, later in the same scene:
In fact - Skald, I think I’d like to nominate Edmund for President. He’s pragmatic, logical, and I doubt he’d be afraid to confront the religious fundamentalists.
Nah. Each poster may define villainy as he or she chooses without fear of being attacked by flying monkeys. (Doubly true as I have moved on to flaming, flesh-eating-bacteria-infected mosquitos.)
I’ve always been rather fond of, “I expect you to die, Mr. Bond.”
Er - m’lord Skald, wouldn’t the mosquitos be more effective at spreading the flesh-eating bacteria if they weren’t on fire? They’d certainly live longer.
Obviously the flames are TINY, and the mosquitos are magically engineered to be immune to it. The idea is to sow maximum fear in the people of
:: checks list to see who I irrationally hate today ::
Seattle.
Not precisely villainous, but Edward Norton’s “Fuck it” monologue in 25th Hour had me in deep chills the first, oh, twenty times I hear it.
You’re semi-evil. You’re quasi-evil. You’re the margarine of evil.
You’re the diet coke of evil. Just one calorie-- not evil enough.
–Dr. Evil
My nomination is Al Pacino as John Milton (The Devil) in The Devil’s Advocate
"Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He’s a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time. Look but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow. Ahaha. And while you’re jumpin’ from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He’s laughin’ His sick, fuckin’ ass off! He’s a tight-ass! He’s a SADIST! He’s an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER! "
No mention of Al Pacinos rant in The Devil’s Advocate?
“Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He’s a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time. Look but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow. Ahaha. And while you’re jumpin’ from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He’s laughin’ His sick, fuckin’ ass off! He’s a tight-ass! He’s a SADIST! He’s an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!.. …I’m here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began. I’ve nurtured every sensation man’s been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I’m a fan of man! I’m a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. Who, in their right mind Kevin, could possibly deny the twentieth century was entirely mine…ALL OF IT KEVIN!! All of it! MINE!! I’m peakin. It’s my time now. It’s our time… …We’re coming out!! GUNS BLAZIN!!!”
I’ll go ahead and be embarrassed for you.
Ah well…I’ll nominate his rant in The Recruit.
“Well, will you look at this? Twenty seven years, I’m finally in the spotlight, huh? What do you know. What do we do now? Come get my gun? Or do you just want to hang me? Hang the traitor! You ready for that, Slayne? I hear you. ‘Why’d you sell us out, Burke?’ I sold you out? No way! Twenty seven years, neck deep in shit! Sell you out? Did I do my job? I ask you: you do your job? I hand you the target, I tell you who and where. All you got to do is act. What do you do? Do you do your job? No! I’m obsolete! I’m irrelevant! Me! Shame on you! You yank me home, you shove me out in the woods! Some Ivy League prick who’s afraid of having dinner in DC because of street crime is judging my worth! … shoving me in the fucking woods… You got me! HAND IN THE COOKIE JAR!!”
Christopher Walken in The Prophecy
“I’m an angel. I kill first borns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. I even, when I feel like it, rip the souls from little girls; and from now 'til Kingdom Come the only thing you can count on in your existence is never understanding why.”
That’s a great line, but I was going to mention something from later in the same movie.
When Bond finds out about Operation Grand Slam (or so he thinks), he tells Goldfinger all the reasons why it won’t work; how much gold, how many men to load it on to how many trucks. Goldfinger gets this wonderfully smug look and says “who said anything about removing it?” And then he teases Bond along in figuring out the real plan.
Gert Fröbe makes that scene work because he’s just so satisfied with his own cleverness that he has to tell someone, someone who can appreciate it. I think a lot of movies that came after tried to copy that scene as necessary exposition, but forgot to give the character a reason for it.
From now on, we are enemies, You and I!
Because You will not enter me, with all my need for you; because
You scorn my attempts at virtue; because You choose for Your in-
strument a boastful, lustful, smutty infantile boy and give me for
reward only the ability to recognize the Incarnation; because You
are unjust, unfair, unkind, I will block You! I swear it! I will hin-
der and harm Your creature on earth as far as I am able. I will
ruin Your Incarnation.
What use after all is Man, if not to teach God His lessons?
-Salieri - Amadeus
Mark Rydell as Marty Augustine in The Long Goodbye. I don’t have the exact quote, but he starts out by walking over to his girlfriend and telling Philip Marlowe how much he loves her. It goes on for a little while, a gentle expression of deep abiding love.
Then he smashes a glass bottle into her face.
He turns to Marlowe and says, “That’s someone I love. You, I don’t even like.”
Blake (Alec Baldwin) in Glengarry Glen Ross: *That watch costs more than you car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that’s who I am, and you’re nothing. Nice guy? I don’t give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here - close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can’t take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don’t like it, leave. *Mamet manages to turn profanity into an art form.
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