Ok my friend has been exhibiting the symptoms of bipolar disorder lately, and I’m almost positive she has it and doesn’t know. I was wondering what’s the best way to clue someone in on something like that?
This is destined for IMHO, but meanwhile…
I think offering a diagnosis would be a bad idea. You probably aren’t a psychologist, and even if you are, you aren’t her psychologist. Instead, say what specific behaviors you’re concerned about. Such as, “You’ve been running around on 3 hours’ sleep this past week, aren’t you afraid you’ll burn out?” Or “You seem depressed lately, is everything all right?” In other words, couch it in friendly concern. Don’t label her. She might open up and admit she’s afraid there’s something wrong with her herself–a lot of mentally ill people do. Then you might suggest she see someone to get a proper diagnosis. If she doesn’t, don’t pester her. Unless she’s really becoming a danger to herself or others, it’s her own business what she wants to do about it.
There’s no single right answer, so this isn’t a general question. I’ll move it to IMHO.
bibliophage
moderator GQ
I just noticed the thread title. I’m pretty sure your friend, or anyone else who might have bipolar disorder, won’t appreciate being called “nuts”.
I’m with him.
Seriously, I resent the implication that anyone with a common mental disorder is “nuts”. I have friends with bipolar disorder. I myself suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. That does not make people nuts.
:mad:
I suffer from depression and I’m nuts and I call myself nuts and talk to my therapist about being nuts and nuts doesn’t bother me because that is what I am.
Just tell your friend that you think she might need some help, to start with.
I’ve heard that giving someone a card with a poem is good way to tell them difficult or embarrassing information. So, get a nice flowery card and write the following inside:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue;
Welcome to Loonyville,
Population: You!
Yeah, count me in amongst those who object to your thread title. Although many people with mental illness may refer to themselves as “nuts,” that does not give you license to do so. Depression, bipolar disorder, etc. are mental illness, but they are not insanity, psychosis, etc. (Not that it is okay to call those people nuts either.)
I agree that a friendly “I’m worried about you. This is why” approach would be the best.
Or, send her a card, as Revtim suggests:
Roses are red,
Violets are swell.
You go up and down more,
Than Monica L.
You know that I love you,
you know that I care;
but you’re more damn bipolar
than a bi-polar bear!
“This is a job for Bi-Polar Bear! … But I just can’t seem to get out of bed.”
I’m still not sure if a bi-polar bear is:
A) A bear with bipolar disorder
B) A bear that lives on both poles of the Earth
C) A bisexual polar bear
D) Some of the above
E) All of the above
Be curt, concise and compassionate; and don’t forget the humor:
“Knock-knock”
“Who’s there”
“Not you, completely”
The best way to handle any subject like this is to be honest, specific and nonjudgmental.
“I’ve noticed that you do {blank) and (blank). I care about you and want you to be well. A doctor would be able to tell you if you need some treatment or at least be able to reassure that that everything is fine. Can I help you make an appointment?”
BTW if a person wants to refer to himself as nuts then thats fine but I don’t think it’s appropriate for another person to label him/her as such. Just MHO
Well, I suppose I owe some people an apology. On more than a few occasions I’ve mentioned how many of us Dopers are seeking treatment for depression and called us all whackjobs and nutjobs. I myself am a serious headcase, a nutso-whacko-loony, but I realize I shouldn’t assume you’d want me calling you that as well. I am sorry.
Carry on with the thread.
She has called people nuts on numerous occasions, so I don’t think she would mind that much as long as she knew she was. Sorry if I offended anyone.
To clarify: I’m not really offended by being called nuts. Heck, I’m nuttier than trail mix myself. I do mind when one of you normals thinks that because I am clinically depressed that I am insane. (Not that you think that, but that’s the implication) I guess it is the same as finding a Jewish joke funny if told my a Jewish person, but not if it was told by a gentile. I hope this makes sense.
Anyway, apology accepted Lance.
Roses are red,
Green Beans are green,
“Nuts” is a highly charged term,
As we have just seen.
I just wanted to add, along with your expression of concern, you might help them find a mental health provider, offer to go with them to the appointment, etc. Lot’s of people would be willing to seek help in theory but need a little help getting the ball rolling, or simply don’t know where to start.
Also, be prepared that no matter ho0w good your intentions, no matter how non-judgementally your statement is phrased, some people will react defensively and even lash out at you.
Example taken from actual IRL events:
Statement of concern:
“[friend], I’m really concerned about you. You just haven’t seemed like yourself lately and I know you have a history of depression in your family. When I was in college I saw a counsellor and it really helped me get some things sorted out. I think you should seriously consider it too.”
Response:
“You Bitch!!! Everyone’s Against me!!! This is all [other friend]'s fault!” I’m FINE!" Leave me alone! And, I don’t think we should talk for a bit. goodbye."