Birthday Parties and Your Guest List

So a friend with a birthday earlier this month decided to hold her birthday party over two weeks after the fact… on the day before mine. :rolleyes: But that’s not what this thread is about.

Over the years, I’ve become less enthralled by the concept that my birthday is some special day that requires a whole bunch of off-the-wall-crazy-antics to keep me amused. For the past couple of years, I’ve either done nothing out of the ordinary, or just had a quiet dinner with friends (which, really, is not something out of the ordinary). This year, I plan on doing the same, but my friend has decided to throw this big bash and even set up a Facebook invite for everyone she knows (just knows, and not exactly friends with) and even her boyfriends’ friends (who she was whining about at his birthday party) along with a note that if we want to invite our other friends, we are encourage to do so. I mean, for me, the day is special if I can spend it with my close knit group of friends without having to worry about how many people show up and if the lack of numbers means everyone hates me.

Am I being judgmental to think that she’s being silly to need all this validation to make herself feel special, especially over two weeks after her real birthday, and especially since we’re in our mid-twenties and should really have left this big-bash-where-some-guests-might-not-even-know-what-they’re-celebrating in college?

How many guests would you cap your list off at?

As many as I felt like.

Seriously, it’s her party and her guest list. Maybe she just likes big parties.

It depends. Am I being judgmental in thinking that anyone older than 16 who needs to throw themselves a birthday party is too old to be searching for that kind of validation to make themselves feel special?

Birthdays are a YMMV thing, so just because I don’t “celebrate” like you do doesn’t make it any better or worse than how you don’t celebrate like she does.

  1. I prefer to not acknowledge that it even exists.

I wouldn’t think it’s judgmental, but then again, I’m coming from the same point of view. Once we’re adults, we should have gotten over that need. At least until the day of our weddings. :smiley:

I think a part of the judgment is that it’s something that doesn’t jive with the attitude she’s been giving off lately. She’s been saying things like how we’re all mature people now and should do this or that (like suggesting a wine tasting trip… :dubious: ) but then out of nowhere, she wants to throw something that essentially comes down to being a frat party. Not to say that I’m not going to go and celebrate with her. I just think it’s a little… off.

Yes. And mid 20s isn’t ancient- get over yourself.

Personally, I prefer smaller parties (dinner with a few close friends), but this year, I’ve decided I think it would be hilarious to have a little MTV Jersey Shore, guido themed bday party. So, I’ll probably have 20 people at my house (friends, friend’s S0s, closer work friends who aren’t in my immediate “friend” circle, but have expressed interest in coming and because they are awesome, they are welcome). Oh, it’ll be my 24th birthday, too. So, I apologize if I am not being mature and sitting around sipping wine, watching Matlock, and discussing the socio-religious conflict in the Middle East. Don’t get me wrong, we do that sometimes, too, but there’s nothing wrong with having a party with beer and dancing, too.

Yes, you are being judgmental. If you don’t want to go then don’t, but don’t think that you are somehow better than your “off” friend because you want something more reserved. Hell I’m 34 and I still like to go to a big blow-out party every once in a while. My friend has a yearly standing weekend around her birthday where 8 people go to a cabin. They make shirts. It’s something that everyone looks forward to because it’s a really good way for people to go have fun together and the birthday is just the excuse.

Some people are just more comfortable putting it out there to throw a bash and it’s not necessarily because they want everyone focused on them for their birthday. If she’s inviting people to invite other that don’t even know her then I would hazard a guess that she knows people aren’t going to be there for her. She probably just wants to have a huge awesome party and the birthday is as good a reason as any.

Just because you wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean it’s wrong for others to do so.

Where did I say I didn’t want to go? It’s not something I’d host myself, but I have no objections to supporting my friend. This was more of a poll to see what other people do for their birthdays and what they think of large parties where the hostess doesn’t know everyone who is attending.

The funny thing is, mingling and hanging out with strangers isn’t a big production, usually. Our group of friends do things like go to pubs, get inebriated, and talk to strangers and make new friends about once a month anyway. The attitude about being “mature people” isn’t coming from me. She’s the one who has been saying she wants to do more “grown up” things. Some nights, I want to sit at home and watch tv with my sister and my cat like a 60 year old spinster, but there are nights that I’m good to go out and dance. It’s not a big deal for me. I guess I just don’t get why she wants to make her party special with 100 other people who don’t know her.