Birthing at home: Getting over the fear.

In My Humble Opinion
61

I have seen “The Business of Being Born.” Like most of these kinds of prop-umentaries (is that a thing? I just made it up), there are some kernels of truth in a vast bowl of misleading bullshit. I would agree that for many births, having a midwife is a valuable and enriching experience. However, the movie shows a false dilemma between doing a home birth with a midwife, where there are scented candles and everyone is singing Kumbaya, and doing a hospital birth, with six epidurals, eight doses of pitocin and eventually both the husband and wife getting c-sections (just to be sure!).

Maybe I’m ignorant because both of my children were born at the hospital in Berkeley, CA, which might be the crunchiest place in the world, where midwives are welcome in the delivery rooms and giving medication is not a requirement but an option. But AFAIK, delivering moms can discuss potential medications with their OB/GYN beforehand and come up with a general birthing plan that can be adhered to if no complications arise.

FWIW, my first son was born by planned C-section 2 weeks late, and my second was a VBAC which proceeded extremely quickly once labor got rolling. I can’t fathom either of these births being done in a home setting. If home birth were something which only had negative consequences for the mother, that would be one thing, but you’re gambling with the life of your newborn child.

62

Do you know me? Cuz that was me. All this talk about taking walks, getting in the bath, listening to music… (insert hysterical laughter).

For what it’s worth, my epidural didn’t even stop me from feeling normal touch in my lower body, or from being able to move it. It just took away the pain.

63

I usually don’t post statements like this, but this is a truly special occasion: I agree completely with Rand Rover!

64

Heh. I am due in November and my doctor has out and out refused some of the medical intervention I wanted. We’ve decided on a c-section as my best option but she refuses to give me general anesthesia like I [del]begged[/del] asked for and is insisting that I get an epidural instead. So far my pregnancy has been less than pleasant and I have a feeling that, while I am low risk, it is going to end up being an excruciating labor (I already feel like the fetus is clog dancing in my uterus and occasionally kicking me in the tailbone, I don’t imagine it will get better as time goes on) and I wanted to just be knocked out for it and she won’t let me do it that way because it is safer for the baby not to have general anesthesia. Apparently sometimes doctors are there to save us from ourselves.

65

I think your doctor probably has a good reason for denying you general anaethesia (there are some pain killers you can take, but they wouldn’t be a complete lack of pain). That said, there is probably zero correlation between discomfort during pregnancy and pain during pregnancy (unless they are related to the mother’s pain threshold).

66

Bingo. My doctor watched me sob and cry when I had a colposcopy. She saw that it took a full hour to get a blood draw because I was so afraid to be stuck with a needle. I’ve already been to the emergency room once this pregnancy because of the sciatica that most other women just kind of deal with and move on. She is fully aware that I have no ability to handle more than the tiniest amounts of pain and is willing to work with me on that but not willing to just knock me out so I don’t have to think about it.

67

A friend of a friend did a (successful) home birth. They didn’t want to befoul their bed, so they did it on a mattress in the basement. They were worried about the baby being cold, so they cranked the heat way up; this made the mother too hot, and so she ended up stripping off all her clothes. Apparently both of their extended families attended the birth, so there she was, naked in the basement amid a crowd of well-wishers.

This couple then stored the placenta in their kitchen freezer until spring (a period of several months), when it could be buried at the roots of a newly-planted tree.

68

I haven’t read the thread, but my main thought is that you shouldn’t ‘get over the fear’. You should have a very healthy fear, because if there are complications, the possible consequences for your baby and your wife can be dire when you are at home and access to life-saving technology is an ambulance ride away. You, your wife, and the midwife should keep this in mind at all times and not hesitate for a second to make that call if the birth is not progressing ideally.

Now, I’m more open to the idea of home birth than most people, and I don’t like the current hospital-based system at all. I think home birth is a valid choice and most of the time, it does go perfectly fine - and if you need to transfer, a good midwife can make that call before things are critical. But statistically home birth is more risky in some ways, (and I also agree there is plenty of data-spinning going on, as well as the fact that we really have no idea how much what has become the norm in hospital birth is affecting our experiences of what normal childbirth is like or should be like) and one shouldn’t go into it with rose-colored glasses on.

I have not yet given birth, but when I do, I would like to do it at a birthing center with midwives. Luckily I’m 1/2 hour away from one of the oldest and most reputable on the East Coast, which also happens to be across the street from a hospital.

As for your OB discouraging you; they are all fearful of dead or injured babies. They deal with dead and injured babies a lot, it never stops being awful, and it’s part of their job to give you their honest opinion on anything which has a higher risk of injury to or death of your baby… I really can’t blame them for being paranoid, although I certainly can blame some of them for being rude about it.

69

This was me. The first time around, I insisted on a natural birth. Until I’d been in labor about 28 hours. Finally I had an epidural and that was the first time in well over a day I’d been remotely comfortable and able to pay attention to what was happening to me. Of course, then I had a big, fat seizure (thank you, eclampsia).

When my daughter was born, I had an epidural earlier (then again, I was only in labor 5 hours) and was much more able to enjoy the process, as much as I could anyway. And I was able to relax better and wasn’t so exhausted afterward. I loved holding her afterward. After what I went through with my son, I just wanted everyone, loud baby included, away from me.

That’s not to say I think home births are wrong. To me they’re just “Meh.” They’re important to a lot of people and I think it’s awesome if they can do that. Personally, I wouldn’t. First, for me there’s a risk of complications (previous eclalmpsia, further complicated by seizure disorders and a general propensity to have rare, bad things happen related to childbirth). Second (and this will sound weird), whether a birth is beautiful and spiritual or not, the thought of being surrounded by my various bodily fluids on a tarp just doesn’t interest me. It’s not that it’s unsanitary. But I do like that all that stuff is just whisked away without me having to think about it. It’s like room service, only your pushing a watermelon out of your crotch. Okay, not quite like that, but hey - when you have a baby you have to take what comfort you can get. :slight_smile:

70

If you know what the risks are, and you are willing to accept them- by all means, choose a home birth. My caveat would be that you need to be within 15minutes of a hospital- no question. Some of the bad things that can happen cannot be fixed with anything other than a blood-bank and an OR.

Home birth wouldn’t be my choice (but then, like Whynot says, I am biased by previous experiences).

For me- it simply wasn’t an option.

Before I got pregnant I was pretty much resigned to a section, due to multiple pre-existing issues (spina bifida and resulting wonky pelvis being the big ones) but the further advanced the pregnancy got the keener I became on “giving it a try” for a normal delivery- which I attribute to pregnancy hormones and sheer pigheadedness.

I am forever grateful that my obstetrician didn’t pressure me, but instead laid it out, nice and simple. Best case I was looking at a long, hard labour and difficult delivery, worst case didn’t bear thinking about. It was when he said “at the end of the day- we’ll do whatever you want, but think about what matters most to you” that clinched it for me.

To me those odds simply weren’t worth it and I opted for an elective section- which was calm, controlled, painless and absolutely the right choice for us. When my daughter was put in my arms it was every bit as magical as any delivery I’ve attended.

IME when bad things happen in hospitals parents are able to blame doctors and midwives and that can make it easier. When bad things happen in home births, you have no-one to blame but yourselves…and that can be just devastating. Again, speaking from a place of bad, bad biased experience, and not suggesting for a minute that you change your plans if this is what you have decided is right for you.

Advice:
Get some of those waterproof decorating sheets they sell at the DIY shops to cover the bed, couch, floor etc- you don’t want to ruin your good carpets and upholstery.

Buy lots of you wife’s favourite cold drink and make sure it is in the fridge, with plenty of ice in the freezer.

Make sure your hot water tank, boiler, A/C and heating are serviced and in good working order with lots of spare fuel- you do not want to run out of hot water, heat or A/C half way through a long labour.

71

I think (hospital birth here), as I said in the other thread, that your doctor was horrible. Any doctor worth his or her salt wouldn’t do that. My doctor didn’t. Had I wanted a home birth he would have been fine with that.

Me too. And hey, while we’re pulling out the anecdotes, my friend who did not have an epidural does not remember the experience of giving birth at all. The entire thing was wiped from her memory, she thinks because the pain was so intense. The only thing she knows is that she screamed a lot because her throat was very sore the next day.

Again, I’m not saying I think you ought to get an epidural or anything (I know at least one person who had multiple home births and was quite happy with it), but I think this point about bonding better without epidurals is a bit… well, scare-tactic-y. After birth, because of these ideas of not-getting-an-epidural-being-better, I was hyped up on hormones and guilt for having the epidural and whether it was affecting this that and the other, and… you know… it was fine.

As I said in the other thread, Heart of Dorkness is awesome and has it nailed!

72

I posted in your earlier thread, so I won’t detail my whole story again, but I did have a home birth and feel free to PM me if you want advice or tips or whatever you need.

There wasn’t much fear of home birth in my community, but I still feel like I missed out on a lot of the wonder and beauty that were the reasons I chose homebirth in the first place. I’d love it if I could share that stuff and maybe make your experience better.

I will share a few things here since I had just about the worst possible homebirth experience in medical terms-First-we had an emergency and there was no time to transport, that was scary. Also the baby was born blue and not breathing, that was even scarier. Then I hemmoraged-also not much fun to say the least.

One the upside :wink: my midwives (I had three) were extremely skilled and had more than 20 years of experience working as a team, they saved us.

Now, keep in mind that none of the medical issues were the result of birthing at home. All of those things would have happened the same way if I’d given birth in the hospital, and I don’t think a doctor would have made different treatment decisions. We got excellent life saving care and within an hour we were clean and curled up and warm in our own home. So although it wasn’t the perfectly present birth I was hoping for, it was still the right choice for us.

One more thing-
Warning-this might be TMI or gross for some-
One thing I would suggest (because it would have made my experience much easier) is to ask your midwife now if she is trained and willing to give stitches. Mine wasn’t, and our only option was to call in another practitioner that I had never met and who charged $100/hr cash only. Mind you this was at 1am and right after giving birth. You know that massage business they tell you to do with the oil? Don’t mess around, actually do it every day.

73

See, that’s what I don’t get.

Tears will happen, commonly, so if you are advertising your services as a full service birthing attendant you better know how to suture. Midwives attending hospital deliveries will do all the first and second degree tears, and obstetricians will only do the major ones, its a basic skill.

moejoe I’m glad everything worked out for you.

74

I have one bio kid and one adopted kid. My bio kid I did have in a hospital, with an epidural. I was about as well rested as you can be after 13 hours of pain, followed by an epidural and two hours later a baby being born.

My son was six and a half months old and put into my arms at the Minneapolis St. Paul airport at 2:13 in the afternoon.

Bonding was way faster with my son - who I had no birth contact with at all. Birth was an exhausting experience that I was just wiped after. You will bond with your child - or you won’t (it happens) - regardless of how they arrive.

75

I laughed a little, too. Make sure you understand that no matter where your wife chooses to birth the baby, all of these things that sound like lovely ideas from a distance now could annoy the everloving shit out of her when she is in active labor.

I wish you and your wife the best. It’s a different set of choices than I would make, but I also didn’t feel as though my epidurals took away from my birth experiences in the least. If anything, they made it easier for me to be “present”. The pain was causing me a lot of anxiety and I was hyperventilating in both instances. Knocking the edge off that temporarily helped a lot.

76

My daughter-in-law seems pretty clear-headed about this and here what she said: “I don’t trust ob/gyns to deliver my baby. I would prefer having a family doctor who regularly does deliveries. But there are only 2 or 3 family doctors in all of Manhattan who qualify by that criterion and I am one and my colleague is another. So I choose to have a midwife, but there is no way I would do it not in a hospital.” Which is what she did. Afterwards, she said things went slow and she guesses that most obstetricians would have gone to cesarean. The next day, a resident came to look at her and suggested she might get a pint of blood. She tore strips off him, saying (this is a direct quote): “You would give blood to a young healthy woman with my hematocrit?” I assume that is a measure of iron level or something.

77

I don’t get it–why was she so pissed?

78

In the Netherlands home births have always been encouraged, but we’re on the way back.

Mostly because women don’t want to labor without an epidural or other painkillers a midwife can’t administer.

79

My brother’s son was delivered by a midwife at a birthing center. The baby was born fine, but the mother had bleeding that wouldn’t stop so they transported her to the hospital.

So my brother accompanies her with her newborn, and when they were admitting his wife, they refused to admit the baby, because it was not born there.

So Steve spent the night in his car, with a newborn baby, until the hospital visiting hours opened and he could return they baby to its mother for feeding.

Your hospital may vary, but it is worth asking in advance.

80

you missed… those hospital policies often come from lawsuits the hospital lost.