I completely agree with the OP and I felt exactly the same way about the “birthing business” when I was pregnant with my son. Oh, how I wish I could’ve had a full term, natural delivery. Unfortunately I ended up with pre-eclampsia and he was born by emergency c-section at 35 weeks.
I don’t understand when a women has a c-section by choice or decides to “just get it over with” and induce so it will fit the family schedule or whatever.
Yes, there are always risks, even in a hospital, but Mother Nature has been handling births just fine.
I say, ignore everyone else negative opinions and do what you feel is right for you as a couple and new family. Congratulations!
I’m back, having had a good read of the thread and I want to start by saying we are in no way militant about being home, if something happens, or something is not progressing the right way we’re off to the birthing center.
About the walking around during labor and listening to music etc…I know people laugh, and frankly my wife laughed when she read that, and we may not do any of it, but from what I am gathering, having some things around you that are familiar - i.e. your house; can be very beneficial to reducing stress - NOT PAIN - but stress.
Overall, I have heard all of the above criticisms and encouragement before - and we have done our homework ad nauseum on the topic. I am not going to say I am surprised by any answers, our society has been giving birth in hospitals for hundreds of years, and of course my doctor is going to discourage us from having a home birth, but that is ok too. My biggest challenge comes in when people think I am hippy-dippy or somehow not understanding the risks…that is when I draw the line with conversations and have had to stop a couple over the last few months.
Each time we meet with our midwife I get more and more reassured that things are going to be just fine! And if we need to transport I’m ok with that too.
In reading the baby books on natural birth, home birth, midwifery and all of that I find a long history of home birthing that has a lot of successes and about the same amount of hardships as hospital births. Our midwife is a nurse, and yesterday we were going over blood tests, weight control and fitness for the day of the birth. Apparently, baby size is a factor in all births, so having an 11-lb baby is an issue no matter where you are.
A lot of the music/low lighting/etc stuff can actually be pretty helpful in early labor, in my experience. Once serious active labor starts, I stopped caring about what my surrounding environment looked like, but labor is different for everybody, so I don’t think it’s stupid or silly to plan to have familiar music etc. around.
For what it’s worth, I was not particularly interested in a home birth for a lot of reasons, but my best hospital birth was the one where I showed up at the hospital 30 minutes prior to delivering the baby. No time for fucking around with running an IV or carefully setting up monitors or any of that nonsense. They just wheeled me into the room (I was no longer ambulatory) and I pushed the baby out. They ran an IV afterward because I passed out after delivery, but that was OK.
I also had an OB that was very supportive of my desire for as non-interventive a birth as possible.
Also, on the topic of back labor, I shared this in Sattua’s thread recently, but back labor is to regular labor as regular labor is to, I don’t know, a bad case of constipation. Seriously - my first baby was badly positioned, and after ten hours of back labor, including working with highly supportive nurses who had me in the birth Jacuzzi and on the birthing balls and squatting and trying every kind of position you can think of, I said we could try an epidural. And it was amazing and let me relax and sleep a little. My other two births were more normal and did not involve back labor, and I never felt I needed an epidural with either of them. This isn’t some kind of “I’m a tough hero Mom” thing either. (Although to be fair, when the number one issue on your mind is, “I think I may actually have this baby on the side of I-270”, the whole “should I/should I not get an epidural thing” is somewhat of a lesser consideration. 
)
Anyway, good luck with whatever happens!
As stated above, I don’t know that you want to “get over the fear” because the risks are real. If there is only a .001% chance something goes wrong that can’t be fixed at home, that are immediate and transport will do no good - do you want to take that chance?
I am always curious when I see that people look at home birth as a chance to have the things they want near them during the labor - with the exception of the house itself, I see no reason why you can’t have Ben Folds Five and cold beverages at the hospital. The nurse tells you to turn it down, don’t. The nurse says no beverages, ask why, and then decide if you will comply or not. You are not in jail, and you have lost no rights by being a patient. It’s a good idea to ask why the restriction is in place and listen to the reasons, but there’s no one forcing you to comply.
I don’t know why birth has developed this mystical, magical reputation, It’s just a biological process, and it will only be what you make it. Hospitals help, with pain killers and monitors and lots of other things, and in the .001% of cases, it’s literally a lifesaver.
And so far as germs go - do you think a children’s wading pool filled with lukewarm water is significantly less germy than the hospital? The pool with mom’s naked body, dad’s dirty foot germs and the germs of the mid-wife and any other visitors who happen to come in contact with the water? And that’s the water that the kid gets a face-full of, and is in contact with all of mom’s bits, which are likely torn and bleeding, to say nothing of the internal injuries.
I’d much rather take my chance with hospital germs - there may be more new germs for me to catch, but the hospital has a professional cleaning staff using the greatest chemicals in the world. Much cleaner than my house, for sure.
Yes. At least in terms of germs that you should actually be worried about. Hospitals are fairly notorious for being breeding grounds for MRSA among other things. I mention MRSA because coincidentally that is what nearly killed my oldest child when he was four weeks old. I have no idea where he contracted it from, but it does tend to be fairly prevalent in hospital environments. Also, your concern that the child will be in contact with water that has been in contact with Mom’s “bleeding bits” is odd, considering that the child’s entire body just got squeezed out of those bits, which personally I would consider to be fairly close contact.
As for having cold beverages and music at the hospital, yes you can, but the way to go about this is to find out the hospital’s policies prior to delivering there, to make sure they aren’t going to throw a fit about any of that stuff. When you are trying to have a baby, the last thing you are interested in doing is fighting with a nurse about turning your music back on. Or having any of your support people fighting with the nurse about this. (I know the OP is not planning a hospital birth but I thought I’d throw this advice out there for the benefit of anyone who is, and is reading this thread.)
It’s not just the mom’s bits, its the mom’s body and the dad’s body and the hands of everyone around who touches the water - hands which may have just been rubbing their nose or holding a pop can from their car or lots of other things. I would imagine that the sterility of the labor suite staff is a little more emphasized than the people in your living room.
As far as mom’s bits go, I would more concerned about germs infecting the open wounds, not mom infecting baby. I know I pooped on both of my children, but I also know that I was cleaned up right away, not left to sit in a pool of water for who knows how long as everything mixed and moved around.
And of course you should be talking with your OB and the hospital about their policies with birth suites. I have not, nor has anyone I know, been in one of these hospitals that are run like prisons - I think that a lot of it is unfairly emphasized by the home birth side. Also, I don’t understand why people are afraid of or intimidated by hospital staff - there would be no fighting with them. Just discuss it with them, and if they can’t come up with a good reason, then don’t comply.
I didn’t and I wouldn’t fight with the staff. I’m not at their mercy, and most hospital workers are just regular people you can talk to. Plus, it will take your mind off of the pain.
Props where props are due: most hospitals don’t restrict even food, much less beverages, for laboring moms anymore. If you’re at really high risk for a c-section, they still may (to reduce the risk of choking on your own vomit if the anesthesia makes you nauseated) but for your run of the mill, normal risk delivery, it wasn’t found to be a problem, so they’ll let you drink and snack as you wish.
But you’ll probably have to bring your food with you; they don’t have a great selection or quick delivery from food services at most hospitals!
Of course, you should check this with your hospital before your due date, but it’s rare to find a hospital so old-fashioned that they won’t let you eat during labor anymore.
And yeah, outside of the OR, hospitals are far from sterile, with much more in the way of antibiotic resistant bacteria than a normal home. The bed rails, the walls, the floor, the light switches, even the sleeves of doctors lab coats and the pumps full of hand sanitizer are crawling with critters. I’d far rather risk home bacteria (which Mom probably has antibodies against and will pass to her baby while breastfeeding) than hospital bacteria.
Birth doesn’t need to be sterile (thank goodness!), but I’d rather have some nice homegrown non resistant staph bacteria than C. diff. (Hell, I’d rather have MRSA than C. diff, but that’s another thread!)
I have had great hospital staff, and I have had terrible hospital staff. I wouldn’t say I was ever in a hospital that was run “like a prison” but during my second delivery, I did have a nurse that flat-out refused to let me drink anything other than ice chips. If I’d wanted a cold beverage I would have had to have my husband smuggle me one into the hospital room and drink it surreptitiously. Unsurprisingly, in the midst of a labor and delivery, neither of us wanted to go through that sort of rigamarole, although I really could have used a cold drink. Your assertion that “there would be no fighting - simply discuss it with them” was absolutely and completely inaccurate in that case. The discussion went like “I would really like something to drink.” “I’m sorry, that’s against hospital policy.” “I don’t care - I’m very thirsty.” “Sorry, but you can have ice chips.” I assure you I am not making this up.
And of course it is not a prison and you don’t “have” to comply, but again, when you are in the middle of giving birth to a baby, you don’t have a lot of resources left for defying your labor and delivery staff’s orders. Which is why I said you should check into the policies beforehand so that you aren’t surprised halfway through giving birth when they refuse to let you have anything to drink, or whatever.
I totally believe you, but what I don’t understand is why you would screw around with the cloak and dagger thing.
If the nurse told me “no ice chips” I would ask why. If she gave me some actual reason (although I can’t imagine what it would be) I would assess the risks, ask more questions, and then decide for myself. If she gave me no explanation at all, I would wait for her to leave the room, then have my husband go get me some drinks. I would then drink them, with no excuse to the nurse and no attempt to hide it. If she then pulled something nutty like taking away my drink, I would order her out of my room, then get someone else in there.
I had something similar happen with my son - when I first checked in, the nurse gave me the cervical assessment with the finger/hand up the vagina. Now, it can hurt, but this really hurt - far more than it should have. I said “Ow” and told her to stop, and she just gave me the “oh, it’s okay” line. I then told her that it most certainly NOT okay, and to remove her hand immediately and leave. She did, and after talking to the nurse who came in after (and whose exam was uncomfortable but not painful), I never saw her in my room again.
Hospital staff is just that - staff. They provide a service, and like any service provider, you can complain to higher ups and get something changed. Not so with a mid-wife. You can talk to tons of them and file birth plans and everything else, but if you’re giving birth in your living room, there’s not a lot of options.
As people have said in this thread, it’s low income people who may even have medical insurance who have to deal with going into debt for a hospital delivery and often opt for a home birth since it is cheaper.
MRSA has gotten so prevalent that its everywhere. Its on 60% of airline trays. On 11% of New York City subway samples. http://tahilla.typepad.com/mrsawatch/2011/02/mrsa-on-airplane-tray-tables.html.
We have this impression that we are at most risk from MRSA in hospitals, but it isn’t really true - its everywhere.
That may not be a good thing. Low income mothers are well-known to have lower quality pre-natal care, if not none at all in many cases. That can lead to more birth complications, which means they should be at the hospital.
This a great post and I wanted to reiterate that things don’t always go as planned. “I am looking forward to walking with my wife during labor, looking at the mountains, playing a little Ben Folds, and other music, getting in the tub, and just being in a climate and location that is very familiar.” sounds great, but don’t fall too in love with that version of your upcoming birth, since it might not go down that way. Contingency planning and being prepared for other options is a necessary evil of attempting a home birth.
The two people I know who tried for a home birth ended up in hospital so I’m curious, does anyone know what percentage of attempted home births end up requiring a change of plan and medical intervention?
That’s one good reason to have a doula or someone else at the hospital birth other than your husband who can see after your needs. Husbands - especially first time ones - are often pretty useless (my friends husbands ranged from helpful to drugged for anxiety to absent (the baby did come three weeks early and he did head back as fast as he could - my own SLEPT thought much of it - he is really a much better guy than that makes it out to be - we had a one year old at home and he was taking most of the childcare the last month - so he hadn’t really slept for most of a month - then I had him up all night). Doulas are familiar with hospital and birthing rhythms and aren’t as emotionally invested in THIS baby or YOUR pain as your husband is.
Our midwife has 27 years experience delivering babies in the home. No instance of catastrophic failure in any of her births. I take a lot of stock in her ability to know whats up…
One of the first things I asked her was about germs in the tub, and in the house. Asking what I needed to do to clean it etc…And the fact is, when you bring a baby home from the hospital a day after you give birth, the same germs are going to be in the same places in your house. When in your life will you live your day to day in a sanitary, sterile place? My guess, never.
From what I have gathered, the non-eating, non-drinking thing in hospitals has to do with the occasion where you need an epidural or if you need anesthetic, not with comfort of the woman…Our midwife was clear that Mrs. P can eat and drink…as usual. Granted she most likely won’t want a 7-course meal, but if she wants some cherry’s or grapes, or a cup of tea…of course she can have those.
Its a necessary evil for any birth. A hospital birth doesn’t always go as planned. The only people I know where birth has gone exactly as planned have been the ones who required planned c-sections - and then the recovery didn’t go exactly as planned.
On environment…I vividly remember the wallpaper and clock in my L&D room…and had it been my own bedroom I’d have had to redecorate. Never will I look at little stripes of violet wallpaper without a shudder. I do not associate it with my daughters birth, but with pain.
Statistically, that makes no sense at all. She can be the greatest midwife in the world, but things go wrong.
This attitude is frustrating for me- this idea that some births are “more than” and other births are “less than”. Seriously, have your birth in any way that makes sense to you, accepts the risks you can accept- it’s the first of many decisions you will making for your child as his/her parent. But please be careful holding your decisions up as inherently better than the decisions of millions of women that have hospital births. I had a heavily intervened birth with both my kids and I promise you that the love and joy and awareness and bonding were all I could hope for.
And frankly, the moment of birth pales in comparison with every moment that comes after, for the rest of our lives. It’s like brides you say the wedding is the best day of their life- how the baby comes to you is one small piece- the real journey just begins that day.
ETA: I was able to eat and drink during my hospital birth, but when the massive vomiting started, I did live to regret it! 
We have three contingency plans for if we need to Transport. As I said earlier, the birthing center we are tied to via our insurance is top-o-the line and if we need to go, then we are ok with that. I asked the midwife yesterday..“when will you know if we need to transport?” And her response was, “well before your little person is going to come into the world. There are very few reasons we would need to have an emergency transport…”
Also, one cool thing that our neighborhood offers, when my wife is close, when she is fully dilated and ready to go, the local ambulance staff will be on call at the firehouse until we give them a phone call saying everything is OK. I have never, ever heard of this, maybe it is because we live in a small mountain town, I don’t know. But I know the capt. of the firehouse here and this was his idea to have his volunteers available for someone giving birth in the canyon. I feel very safe.
Because all of my available brain and willpower was devoted to pushing a baby out of my uterus at the time. Yes, normally I would be all for having a long discussion with a nurse involving assessing risks and asking questions and contemplating everything and then coming to an informed decision. But, to reiterate, I was in the middle of childbirth and therefore somewhat distracted.
This is my point. When you are in the middle of labor and delivery, you are likely to not have the energy for debating something stupid like “can I have a drink of water” with the L&D nurse.
And actually, I did have a doula for my third baby and it was really great. I would recommend one to anybody.