That got your attention, huh?
We’ve just adopted a female dog, a spayed miniature poodle (probably mixed) of unknown age. One of her favorite activities of the past couple of days has been to drag the cushion out of her bed, grab it in her teeth, and attempt to hump the stuffing out of it. Now I’m not an expert on dog sex, but to my untrained eye, it appears she’s taking the boy part. What’s going on here?
Disappointed that your question isn’t what I was hoping for, but I’m sticking around for the Lolz anyway.
if she was a bit reserved then i’d say take out to the tavern and she might loosen up, but that doesn’t seem to be needed.
frottage.
For canines, ‘humping’ isn’t always about sex, sometimes it is about dominance. So she is probably dominating the cushions.
My female, spayed pug does the same thing, only with her toys. In fact, she humps more than my male, un-neutered pug; he only humps her when he gets super excited about something completely unrelated to sex (me: “Wanna go for a ride? Ride in the car?” pug: “WHOOOOHEEEE we’re GOING for a RIDE! Time to hump my sister!”)
Being spayed, she might have a hormonal imbalance that brings out some male dog tendencies. I’d suspect it’s not sexual in nature.
Cool thread title.
hmm, our dog, who was intact until about a year ago, never had those tendencies, and still doesn’t. When she was getting into season she got interested in other dogs. I don’t know what she was like in season, since we brought her to Guide Dogs to be bred.
Our non-intact old male dog definitely humped his bed. I don’t think it was dominance, he started when we even started to think about sex.
I wish my bitch would hump the couch cushions instead of trying to eat them. Damn dog.
Great thread title!
Indeed, humping is often about dominance, not sex drive. Sometimes dogs do this when they’re a bit unsure and trying to make a point. I suspect your new dog may stop doing this once she’s settled in.
I’ve had three spayed bitches over the years who urine-mark, leg-lifting and the whole deal. All were fairly bossy bitches generally, but I also saw humping behaviour when they were miffed about something, or trying to establish pecking order with new dogs.
Sexual orientation isn’t either/or in humans; rather it’s on a continuum. 
I imagine the same goes for animals. There is a theory out there (sorry, no cite on hand) that a boy-puppy in the womb between two girl-puppies may be bathed in female hormones and thus be more “feminine” in appearance and nature. And vice-versa for girl-puppies surrounded by males.
One of my Little Girls has taken to lifting her leg and scratching herself while standing on three legs, like our Dog, but it appears that she was emulating him because he was teaching her how to be a dog. Or, better, a canine. They didn’t seem to have adult role models before moving in.
OTOH, both girls knew who is Boss Dog and that they shared the job, and he was cool with it right away. He was miserable in the months between the death of Big Hairy Bitch and their arrival. He’s not cut out for management.
That is one behavior that I thought the discredited theory of dominance in dogs explained well. We may need to start another thread in IMHO or the even the Pit on that. Under the old views, yes she is letting the cushion know she outranks it. Yes females often hump stuff. Aster was a guide dog. She never humped anything before coming into season near the end of her first year. The next time she got near one of her brothers, she tried to hump him. She didn’t have many more chances before going off to school and a date with a scalpel. All are fixed then but the ones selected as breeding stock. There may be other cases where a guide dog was placed where their partner, the family that raised it, and the family with its mother became friends.
Once the harness was off, Aster was one more dog. In fact the worst one about humping other dogs including younger intact females and males. There was one particular younger female whose mother, grand mother, half aunt Aster, other assorted intact and spayed females were always mounting. In our benighted ways, we accepted it as dominance and competing for pack rank. You must remember that although obedience standards for guide dogs are high, they are required to be strong willed. I know of one litter of Shepherds that were all washed out as too soft.
If somebody can present a good explanation of such behavior other than dominance and pack rank, I will follow the rules discussing it.
I will speculate that part of turning away from pack dominance is an attempt to discredit what I see as Caesar Milan’s misuse of it. Also if your new book is radically different from your old book, it will sell better.
I can imagine no other reason. Dogs are pack animals and, as such, need to regularly check who is dominant. Dominance must be tested now and then, just to make sure the pack is being led well.
I look forward to having a job so I can cut down on my observation of canine behavior, but I will miss my doggies. 
Our little spayed female is quite the humper. She loves to play with us with a stuffed teddy bear, and when she catches it, she shakes it (breaks its neck?) and then flips it over, and mounts it with decided vigour.
Occasionally, she will mount her doggy bed, as well, but the teddy bear is her favourite victim.
I have seen a lot of arguments to the contrary recently. I am willing to read and discuss. I am always ready to accept new ideas with strong enough support. I am quite willing to label them a bunch of hoey after trying them and they fail.