It actually makes a lot more sense than the synopsis makes it sound. >_>
I was in Army Cadets at the time. We were staying in the armoury overnight before going out for a wilderness overnight. I and a couple of the other privates (and the Captain assigned to us) were playing Win Lose or Draw in one of the ‘classrooms’ - the classroom, in this case, being a bit of the parade floor that can be separated off by movable walls. As such, they don’t have permanent seating. but rather folding benches and tables. This one did have a permanent chalk board, though, but that’s not important.
In any case, my team was up, and I stood up on one of the benches to get a better look at the board.
Sadly, I’m not entirely coordinated, and the benches weren’t too stable, and…things went pretty much where it sounds like. I managed to turn and put my hands out, so I didn’t crack my skull (thank god, it was hard concrete). Broke my right arm in three places. (Right above the wrist on the outside, and about half way up both bones of the forearm.)
I did this once too, ended up with a nice bump on my forehead, a very pretty shade of purple. Also broke a toe on the edge of a door.
garygnu, I’ve had a lead pencil mark on the palm of my hand for more than 40 years. I heard once that the cells in our bodies are replaced, but apparently we keep our palms forever.
I was happily snoozing in a hammock one beautiful afternoon in Hawaii, when a friend decided to join me in the hammock. By jumping in. The rope attaching the hammock to the tree at the head end broke and dumped me on the ground. There was a large, fairly pointed rock just under the sand. I landed with my genital cleft on top of this rock and about 200 lbs of friend on top of me.
Put quite a damper on my sex life for a while, I can tell you. I’ve never had a bruise that turned so many colors.
As a kid I enjoyed making my own candles. I get this bright idea to carve of wax from an ugly candle of my mom’s…with a bent, corroded, serreated (sp? with teeth anyway) steak knife. I slipped and shoved 4 inches of that joker into the fleshy spot between my thumb and pointer finger. I was all fine until mom says, “Okay genius, lets go get you a Tetanus shot.” I proceeded to pass out in the floor.
Also, when I was thirteen some friends and I were jumping off a roof onto a trampoline. I went through the springs and my arm stayed on top. Another thirtneen year old reloacated the shoulder. I can still, to this day, pop it really funny and I can’t sleep on it.
One- my choir was doing a small performance (for a bunch of elementary school kids) and I was on the top riser. I wasn’t feeling all that well, but just plowed through until finally, I passed out. I fell backwards and, apparently, grabbed the hand of the girl next to me. When I came to, I was alright except that the palm of my hand was cut open from the girl’s rings. owwwwch.
Two- I was fairly young, like probably six or seven. All the classes at my dance studio were performing their numbers for each other just before the year’s main recital. I was in ballet class and there was an advanced tap class at the same time, so we performed for each other. All the kids in my class lined up along the mirror to watch, and the tap class started doing their number. Near the end of the number, one of the girls misjudged her distance and kicked me in the chin. :eek: She only grazed me (it was a low kick) and it didn’t scar, but man what a bruise. Tap shoes are LETHAL.
In Illinois, way back before anybody had really ever heard of soccer, our coach must have been bored one day and told us, “today, we are playing a game they call Fussball and play in Europe and some other places”. He threw a soccer ball on the ground and said, “the object is to kick the ball hard and get it to the other side.”
I kicked hard, missed by a mile but hit a kid in the shins. We both fell down in major pain. He had a bruise the size of a softball. My story was worse. Jammed my large toenail. It fell out. Came back ingrown. Fell out again. Grew back ingrown. It happened again. Had to go for surgery, they wanted to remove toenail forever but I refused, so they cut it on each side about 1/8 inch. I was out of gym for two years and today, only if you look at both toenails, you can see one is obviously smaller than the other.
A really UGLY story, but true…my friend Earl was playing on the street with some friends. They started to throw stuff at each other. Remember the warnings your mother gave you as a kid? Well, the following is a horror story not for the queasy: Some kid threw a stick at Earl. It went into his eye! He pulled it out. Some kid said, “you’re not supposed to pull a stick out!” Earl put the stick back in his eye!!! Earl only had one good eye after that..
My mom always told us not to run and slide down the tiled corridor. We used to love it…put on my church sandals with the really slippery soles and take a running slide…wheeeeeeeeeee…until I fell down and broke my wrist.
Then there was the time I hit my chin on the side of the pool jumping in…that took 3 stitches.
Those were kid injuries. My dumbest injury as an adult was deciding to break into my apartment when I’d locked myself out, by breaking a pane of glass in the front door. I wrapped my hand, but underestimated my strength and managed to almost sever my pinky finger. I still have a nasty scar.
The soccer one reminded me of something that happened to me in four-way soccer in 8th grade PE. I was way back near the net defending against a European kid who could’ve kicked a NASA probe from Florida to Mars by just thinking about feet. I was playing him really close, and he wound back and shot the ball at the goal–well, I think he was trying to chip it over my head, went just a little low, and served me a fat one right in the face. I went flying four feet one way and my glasses flew four feet the other way. I must’ve been out for a couple of minutes, and when I got up my vision was all black, then red, then it slowly faded into normal color and somebody gave me my glasses, then I sat out the rest of the game. I never had it checked out or anything, but looking back it might explain a few things…
I think I only get an Honorable Mention for the Order from this one since there was no blood involved, but when I was six years old we had a horizontal board fence around the back yard. I enjoyed walking on it, since I was a little monkey in those days. Alas, one day I slipped and landed hard on my crotch on the board. I remember it hurt for a long time.
My most creative injury was when I teaching whiterabbit to roller skate when she was 5 – we were at a rink with a concrete floor, and I was skating along backwards very slowly in front of her, encouraging her. A kid behind me fell down, and I ran into the kid and sat down hard on the floor. I wasn’t going fast, but alas, I stuck my hands out to catch myself and succeeded. I ended up with a compression fraction of my right elbow. :eek: I went to work all splinted and slung the following day and got a lot of sympathy till they heard how it happened; the sympathy turned to snickers, obviously.
I also still remember when I was in sixth grade and a friend’s brother had just gotten one of those neat new things, a skateboard. I was under strict orders not to get on one, but of course I was at her house and there was nobody there to stop me. I got on it and, since this was in Seattle and she lived at the top of a hill, found myself heading downhill very rapidly indeed. Not having a clue about how to stop the thing, I just stepped off it. Landed on my tailbone. Could barely move for two weeks, but I could never confess what I’d done to my mom since I knew I’d get in more trouble for how I hurt myself than the injury itself caused me.
Oh, I forgot the best one – from my sister, not me. She was hanging by her hands from a friend’s trapeze bar on a backyard swingset. It was so low to the ground that, with her knees bent, she was literally only about two inches off the ground.
Somehow, she managed to fall off and break her arm. To this day I don’t know how she did it. I didn’t believe her when she came in the house and told me what she’d just done, but she’d done a clean snap through bth forearm bones, and apparently her hand had been turned around backwards, so she just turned it back the right direction herself. :eek: :eek: :eek:
The doctor, after looking at the x-rays, said she’d done such a perfect job of setting it all he had to do was put a cast on it!
Working at a warehouse, I was just about to cut a string with a knife, when a friend surprisingly said Hi! I looked up, cut the string, and thought: Fuck?
Looked down at my thigh, the rip in the pants, the little red line in the skin, and then: A fountain of blood.
A patient at the hospital where I worked during my alternative civillian service had an injury that always impressed me. Unfortunately I didn’t meet him in person because I was just the archive guy. It’s really simple and elegant. He cut off both his hands in one go with a circular saw. Unfortunately I never found out how exactly.
Mine’s minor, but kinda fun to mention. I got a concussion lying in bed.
Bottom bunk at summer camp. The top bunk colapsed on me with the kid still in it. Slammed down on my head.
But wait, there’s more…
The camp was notorious for bad medical facilities. I was told not to even bother going to the infirmary. So… Okay… I continue through my day, feeling kinda queasy. We go out to the pond for some canoing (sp?)…
And someone slams me in the head with a metal canoe while not watching where they were going.
About an hour later, I’m walking to lunch and the world just kinda lurches left, then right, then begins to spin. I colapse and dry heave a bit.
The director of the camp walks up to me and tells me to get up and get to lunch. I lie there shivering.
FINALLY my councilor finds me and drags me to the infirmary.
