<font size=5>My Nuts are dirty!</font>
I just picked them up from under the pecan tree so I guess I will wash them before eating them.
“I’m the best there is Fats. Even if you beat me, I’m still the best.”
(Paul Newman in The Hustler)
NO FAT CHICKS.
They seem to be cutting back on the feed down at the hatchery.
Ike, I thought you were MarkSerlin there for a moment! 
BEATING MY MEAT – BET YOU CAN’T DO IT!
As a butcher, I’m extremely proud of what I sell to my customers.
I Got in Trouble for Spanking My Monkey!
I got a visit from the ASPCA the other day. Seems someone turned me in for physically punishing my pet primate, Spanky. I swear, it was just a little pat on it’s simian bum. I’ve chided Spanky time and time again about pleasuring himself on the front lawn, but he just wouldn’t listen dammit, and I had to give the little shit some tough love before he ceased.
“I Murdered a Dozen People in Chicago!”
—The audience WAS small that night, but my act really slayed 'em!
“I SHAVED MY PUSSY”
I shaved my pussy last summer. She kept leaving her black and white hairs all over the sofa because she has a nervous disorder that causes her to let go of her fur for no good reason. My mom has an electric shaver that she used to use on The Turtle, so I set it to 1/2 inch, held my pussy between my legs, and set to shaving her. At first she was a little concerned because of the noise and vibration, but after a few attempts she calmed down and let me shave her little tummy, back and sides. I didn’t try to shave her head, and her tail was hard to do because it is so flexy. That summer my pussy was very comfortable, not too hot, but with enough fur that she didn’t get sunburned, and it even helped her shedding problem. I’d recommend shaving any pussy that will hold still long enough. Shaved pussy kicks ass.
The above is a true story, by the way.
Ummmmmmmm…Shaving “The Turtle”? Is this a euphamism that I’m just not familiar with?
Sorry, I neglected to explain. The Turtle was my mother’s second husband, so called because he looked like a turtle in the face when he didn’t have his teeth in.
Nice image so soon after lunch, huh?
WHO’S UP FOR A PIECE OF ASS?
Chef Troy explores game cookery in his thread about new marinades for Grilled Loin of Equus Asinus.
SUCH DIRTY MINDS!!!
Sorry, I had to throw that in there. I wonder where everyone went wrong here? You people (ok, me too) must have sex on the brain way too much. Everyone please calm down before we start a fire or something! Or something! 
Come to my house. My cat loooooooves to be brushed. She has learned (all on her own, I didn’t teach her this) that when she hears the sound of the blowdryer, that means I have a brush in my hand. I cannot dry my hair without the cat running into the bathroom and jumping up on the toilet seat (I always keep the lid down when not in use) and begging to be brushed.
My contribution to this topic…
“Do you like them better hard or soft?”
Your chocolate chip cookies, that is! When they’re home baked, I much prefer them soft and chewy. When purchased at the store, I like the hard, crunchy ones.
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank
WHEN IN DOUBT, WHUP IT OUT!
You should always measure twice and cut once when doing carpentry, so use that tape measure!
VB
Changing my Sigline 'cause Veb has a delicate stomach right now…