This goes for boat-landing too. We spent a weekend on the water three weeks ago and I was more interested in what happened when people tried to enter and leave the water than I was in anything that happened on the water.
Nothing funny happens when you’re just putting around in the boat.
Everything funny happens when you try to get the damned boat safely, quickly, efficiently and divorce-free into or out of the water, however.
Nothing happened when we launched our boat (the FIL’s boat, I should add) except it didn’t start once in the water with the truck and trailer safely parked 7500 feet away. “Funny, it started fine three years ago when we last had it out.”
There ought to be several high-def video cameras mounted next to every boat launch with live feeds so anyone with an internet connection can be entertained at any time. I witnessed about 20 boat launches while we tried to get our boat started. None of them went perfectly. I only saw one perfect boat launch in my whole life.
A perfect boat launch is one in which a couple, preferably a husband and wife, can back the trailer into the water, slide the boat off, remove trailer, start boat, park truck and leave the dock all without muttering a word to each other. If any words are muttered or even if there are any slight directive gestures displayed it’s not a perfect launch. You can’t even say “Nice job honey”, or “You got the worms?” 'cause that would imply that the other person might not have known it was a good job or that you didn’t communicate ahead of time who’s got the worms. You absolutely cannot wait until the boat is in the water to start worrying about where the worms are. I will accept a thumbs up so that the driver knows that he can pull the truck forward without tearing the bow of the boat off. One thumbs up, that is all.
Other things that are unacceptable to do once the boat is in the water;
Installing the plug. It wastes an enormous amount of time, since you have to empty your pockets and jump into the water to perform this task. Don’t forget about the cell phone in your shirt pocket by the way.
Loading supplies into the boat. This should have been done when you were queued up to launch instead of trying to do it after you already had to ask for help un-wedging the trailer from the dock pillar because you got within two centimeters of the edge and had a little “accident”. How were you to know that there was an edge there and that your trailer tire fit perfectly and ever so snuggly into that gap? I’ll give you that one, but the loading thing is unforgivable. Especially grandma’s fat ass. You should have known that the boat would sink at least 36 inches when she tried to get in from the dock. I got news. Grandma’s inseam ain’t 36 inches. Grandma also ain’t a gymnast. You should have loaded Grandma in ‘dry-dock’ and launched her with the boat. I really hope she’s alright. My ribs have healed, I don’t know about hers though.
You may also NOT chose this time to put gas in the boat. You should have done this at the filling station, or again, in the queue like everyone else.
Also, don’t try to get fancy with stuff or try out new launching/landing techniques like giving 'er more throttle to see if she’ll nose up to the winch, or trying to jump from the pier to the hitch with wet shoes on after you’ve polished off a 12 pack on the lake. I saw that one coming. That was an awkward fall, you sort of twisted and slid at the same time. You’ll probably need stitches.
Also, don’t scream at the wife/kids, they’re just trying to help. Trust me, with 40 other anxious people watching and waiting the last thing your wife wants to do is have to figure out where the hell neutral is on the throttle control or determine how much engine tilt is “enough to clear the rocks”. Plus, “Make sure you don’t stall 'er or hit any other boats or the dock and I should be back in 10 minutes or so, as soon as I find a spot to park the truck. Hang tight!” As he drives away I see her hold up a plug and yell, “Is this the plug or just an extra one?” but the Power Stroke drowns her out. Should have left your cell phone in the truck buddy.
You are free to tell your own stories at this point. 